if I don't remember how I lived
Nonsense title, yes. But I like it.
Sometimes I spend so much time reading other people's entries, I forget I can update this thing at all. Silly, but there you are.
I've been having not really very much fun at all in school, zoning out in PoliSci, pretending to pay attention in computers, and just kind of dragging my way through the math. It's not always this depressing of a picture, but usually.
Will murder my guidence councelor for forcing Comp Literacy on me, if I ever see her again. Bitch.
dagnylilytable survived Isabel; yay! I'd been keeping an eye on the storm on the news, so I was pretty sure she was okay, but it's good to have these things confirmed.
I owe bohemienne two emails now instead of just one. Someday I may even write said emails. Really.
I should be writing more than I am; journals, fic, original stuff. It's really hard to keep my balance right now. I have this diary I've been keeping about the eye saga, and I can hardly stand to update it, even though I need to before Monday, because Gods know what'll happen then- and I can hardly stand to update it because I'm sick to death of talking about the eye.
It's like, my grandmother calls, and she says, "Hi, Christine, how's the eye?" Like everything else has melted away and I'm just this...eye. Green, small, with a lens implant and a half-healed stitch and a laser-carved channel so it doesn't develop glaucoma.
I think I like it better at school, among strangers, who don't know, and don't care. Though I hate that I'm so isolated; no one in my age group will speak to me, and I never can get it together to talk to them. The woman I sit by in computers is an idiot, older, married, pregnant- we couldn't have less in common. In math on one side of me I have a boyfriend/girlfriend pair, and on the other, another older woman. Poli Sci, I have girls my own age on either side of me, and I can never talk to them. Every day I watch one of them walk in, and sometimes I nod, or smile, but I can never open my mouth just to say "hi" or "good morning", or "how's it going?" or anything.
And everywhere I look on my breaks there are just- freshmen. Fresh out of high school, thinking they're on top of the mountain when it's the tip of the damned iceburg, too clueless to know otherwise, too impressed by their own arrival at grown-up school... and I listen to them, talking to each other, and I figure I don't want to be great friends anyway, you know? The ones that don't sound stupid sound racist, and those are two groups of people I can't speak to civilly. The stupid people are just too thick, and the racists I'd just be screaming at for the bunch of biased morons they are.
Is it wrong to wish that maybe someday those idiots will meet, in some dark alley, a gang of not-pale people? We have a lot of those in Fresno... hell, I'm sure it would only make the zealots more zealous, but they just piss me off...
I'm too old for city college, not so much in years, but in...just living, existing, realizing there's more to life than City. I just want to climb on top of the tallest building on campus and scream at them that they're missing the whole point. And I can't tell you exactly what that point is, but they're sure as hell missing it.
How dare all my friends move away over the summer, anyway? Leave me to fend for myself out here where people are just crazy, or stupid, or both-
And all this medical shit, it's just making me...edgey. And almost disappointed. Like, all the crap I have to put up with, the horrid tests and the procedures and the pain, and I don't even get a consolation prize? No cute interns, not even some assistant I could flirt with? Hell, I'd like my own parking space and an exam room with my name on the door (and one of those stars, like Hollywood), long as we're on the subject, but I was really holding out for the cute, single, in my age bracket male person. Who was not gay.
I feel, you see, that I have earned this.
Sometimes I spend so much time reading other people's entries, I forget I can update this thing at all. Silly, but there you are.
I've been having not really very much fun at all in school, zoning out in PoliSci, pretending to pay attention in computers, and just kind of dragging my way through the math. It's not always this depressing of a picture, but usually.
Will murder my guidence councelor for forcing Comp Literacy on me, if I ever see her again. Bitch.
dagnylilytable survived Isabel; yay! I'd been keeping an eye on the storm on the news, so I was pretty sure she was okay, but it's good to have these things confirmed.
I owe bohemienne two emails now instead of just one. Someday I may even write said emails. Really.
I should be writing more than I am; journals, fic, original stuff. It's really hard to keep my balance right now. I have this diary I've been keeping about the eye saga, and I can hardly stand to update it, even though I need to before Monday, because Gods know what'll happen then- and I can hardly stand to update it because I'm sick to death of talking about the eye.
It's like, my grandmother calls, and she says, "Hi, Christine, how's the eye?" Like everything else has melted away and I'm just this...eye. Green, small, with a lens implant and a half-healed stitch and a laser-carved channel so it doesn't develop glaucoma.
I think I like it better at school, among strangers, who don't know, and don't care. Though I hate that I'm so isolated; no one in my age group will speak to me, and I never can get it together to talk to them. The woman I sit by in computers is an idiot, older, married, pregnant- we couldn't have less in common. In math on one side of me I have a boyfriend/girlfriend pair, and on the other, another older woman. Poli Sci, I have girls my own age on either side of me, and I can never talk to them. Every day I watch one of them walk in, and sometimes I nod, or smile, but I can never open my mouth just to say "hi" or "good morning", or "how's it going?" or anything.
And everywhere I look on my breaks there are just- freshmen. Fresh out of high school, thinking they're on top of the mountain when it's the tip of the damned iceburg, too clueless to know otherwise, too impressed by their own arrival at grown-up school... and I listen to them, talking to each other, and I figure I don't want to be great friends anyway, you know? The ones that don't sound stupid sound racist, and those are two groups of people I can't speak to civilly. The stupid people are just too thick, and the racists I'd just be screaming at for the bunch of biased morons they are.
Is it wrong to wish that maybe someday those idiots will meet, in some dark alley, a gang of not-pale people? We have a lot of those in Fresno... hell, I'm sure it would only make the zealots more zealous, but they just piss me off...
I'm too old for city college, not so much in years, but in...just living, existing, realizing there's more to life than City. I just want to climb on top of the tallest building on campus and scream at them that they're missing the whole point. And I can't tell you exactly what that point is, but they're sure as hell missing it.
How dare all my friends move away over the summer, anyway? Leave me to fend for myself out here where people are just crazy, or stupid, or both-
And all this medical shit, it's just making me...edgey. And almost disappointed. Like, all the crap I have to put up with, the horrid tests and the procedures and the pain, and I don't even get a consolation prize? No cute interns, not even some assistant I could flirt with? Hell, I'd like my own parking space and an exam room with my name on the door (and one of those stars, like Hollywood), long as we're on the subject, but I was really holding out for the cute, single, in my age bracket male person. Who was not gay.
I feel, you see, that I have earned this.