The Most Boring Entry Evah!
I swear by all that's holy and true, every time I try to pick a different font for making deposition binder covers I always default back to Arial.
What does this say about me? What would a fontologist say? "You feel inadequate in sexual relationships and favor a single position in bed." That would be true, ya' know.
In any case, I've been reading Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year which is exactly that. You would not expect me to be reading such a book on the PATH but I do it daily. She's an amazing writer and one of the few (besides David Sedaris) who I can say that I've read all of her books.
While I'll talk about the book itself one day, I'm going to relay part of it right now to you -- the part that's feeding my neurotic compulsive tendencies the most lately. According to her friend Tom Weston (who pops up throughout her books because in real life they are in fact friends), these are:
The Five Rules of the World
1.) You must not have anything wrong with you or anything different.
2.) If you do have something wrong with you, you must get over it as soon as possible.
3.) If you can't get over it, you must pretend that you have.
4.) If you can't even pretend that you have, you shouldn't show up. You should stay home, because it's hard for everyone else to have you around.
5.) If you are going to insist on showing up, you should at least have the decency to feel ashamed.
She concludes this particular journal entry by adding, “The most subversive revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.” Good for her, since she’s a single mother recovering coke addict alcoholic writer. I’m not quite all those things but I liked that passage just the same.
Finally, I’ve had this whole big riff on how dissapointed I was in JulieDarling and TRJeannette for not forcing me to watch Alias sooner. [It wouldn't be the first time one or both of them would have forced me to do something against my will -- Roswell/Survivor Island anyone? Hell, look at J-Net's journal title. I digress, hard turn to the right!] After joining Blockbuster's unlimited rental club I went haywire picking up every film in creation (as I intended not to continue my rentals after the original 14.99 starter month price). I rented the Alias seasons 1 & 2 DVD set and watched every single episode in the course of three days. I also downed at least twenty two Miller Lites in the process.
Furthermore I move that all men should measure the time they spend doing anything in the amount of alcohol it takes them to consume during that time period.
As a matter of fact I would have downed at least 8 Bud drafts ($2 each at Texas Arizona in Hoboken, New Jersey) and 3 Long Islands ($6 bucks each) and a shot of Yeigermeister (which someone never fails to buy me in their pursuit of seeing me hammered beyond all comprehension) in the time it took me to write this entry.
What does this say about me? What would a fontologist say? "You feel inadequate in sexual relationships and favor a single position in bed." That would be true, ya' know.
In any case, I've been reading Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year which is exactly that. You would not expect me to be reading such a book on the PATH but I do it daily. She's an amazing writer and one of the few (besides David Sedaris) who I can say that I've read all of her books.
While I'll talk about the book itself one day, I'm going to relay part of it right now to you -- the part that's feeding my neurotic compulsive tendencies the most lately. According to her friend Tom Weston (who pops up throughout her books because in real life they are in fact friends), these are:
The Five Rules of the World
1.) You must not have anything wrong with you or anything different.
2.) If you do have something wrong with you, you must get over it as soon as possible.
3.) If you can't get over it, you must pretend that you have.
4.) If you can't even pretend that you have, you shouldn't show up. You should stay home, because it's hard for everyone else to have you around.
5.) If you are going to insist on showing up, you should at least have the decency to feel ashamed.
She concludes this particular journal entry by adding, “The most subversive revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.” Good for her, since she’s a single mother recovering coke addict alcoholic writer. I’m not quite all those things but I liked that passage just the same.
Finally, I’ve had this whole big riff on how dissapointed I was in JulieDarling and TRJeannette for not forcing me to watch Alias sooner. [It wouldn't be the first time one or both of them would have forced me to do something against my will -- Roswell/Survivor Island anyone? Hell, look at J-Net's journal title. I digress, hard turn to the right!] After joining Blockbuster's unlimited rental club I went haywire picking up every film in creation (as I intended not to continue my rentals after the original 14.99 starter month price). I rented the Alias seasons 1 & 2 DVD set and watched every single episode in the course of three days. I also downed at least twenty two Miller Lites in the process.
Furthermore I move that all men should measure the time they spend doing anything in the amount of alcohol it takes them to consume during that time period.
As a matter of fact I would have downed at least 8 Bud drafts ($2 each at Texas Arizona in Hoboken, New Jersey) and 3 Long Islands ($6 bucks each) and a shot of Yeigermeister (which someone never fails to buy me in their pursuit of seeing me hammered beyond all comprehension) in the time it took me to write this entry.