if you take my hand tonight
my mom took my fucking keys
dammit
yeah, about that promise to myself that I would stop cursing cuz it's a fucking sin or whatever.
fuck that
I'm all about sinning right now
took my fucking keys....
I'm serious to God gonna go fucking kill myself
I'm done with all this shit
I wish that last night with the twins could have been my remedy
I had so much fun actually
bought all kinds of crazy food
watched this totally random movie where Hugh Grant dances like a lobster
had awesome bahama mamas
best fruity pink drink ever
and then on the way home I got all impulsy
and felt like driving around in pennsylvania
like that one day I skipped school and got lost in PA
and almost ran out of gas on 95
so I was driving around at 11:30 at night
which is "inappropriate"
apparently
fuck
fuck
fuck
I'm pissed at life
and I so don't feel like being in this fucking shithole anymore
God, I gotta get away from my parents
their goddamn rules
I fucking know what I need okay?
and maybe what I need is "dangerous" sometimes
but sometimes I need a fucking adventure
sometimes I need to fucking hurt myself
sometimes I need to play with my own fucking blood
sometimes I just need a fucking drive
feeling the air racing through my hair from the open car window
sometimes I need to see my fucking boyfriend
I don't know why the hell I went to his house at midnight
sat on TOP of my car (may or may not have dented my hood--goddamn fatass)
In the rain
amusing myself by watching fireflies and singing church songs
for an hour
until my alcohol-breath boyfriend came home
okay?
I don't know why I needed that
I don't know why I did it
I don't know a LOT of things
But USUALLY
I know what I need
I just needed to see him
I wanted to hear the song that he wrote for me
I just needed to see him
took away my fucking keys
got fucking pulled over for speeding
damn cop doing his job at 2:00 in the morning
fucking court summons
GOD DAMNIT
you know, I've got it good
my life is AWESOME
compared to the SHIT other people go through
I'm a pissass whiner and complainer having no right to complain
but something's wrong in my fucking head where my goddamn self-centeredness thinks that everything is about me and how "my homelife is unsatisfying".
I'm bathing in my rage right now
and leaving in 5 minutes to go feed one-yr-olds and put them to sleep
I haven't decided if I'm going to be able to handle myself at work today
pretty sure I'm gonna do something crazy
and not be normal
because sometimes I feel
like I'm the furthest from normal
and I do weird things
like drive to my boyfriend's house when I'm already late
my boyfriend who has trouble not flirting with cute girls when I'm not around
who loves me but who can't be strong enough to need only me
like I have ACTUALLY learned to need only him
me!
big ol' flirt me!
isn't that awesome?
God, this was good to vent.
fucking keys...
dammit
yeah, about that promise to myself that I would stop cursing cuz it's a fucking sin or whatever.
fuck that
I'm all about sinning right now
took my fucking keys....
I'm serious to God gonna go fucking kill myself
I'm done with all this shit
I wish that last night with the twins could have been my remedy
I had so much fun actually
bought all kinds of crazy food
watched this totally random movie where Hugh Grant dances like a lobster
had awesome bahama mamas
best fruity pink drink ever
and then on the way home I got all impulsy
and felt like driving around in pennsylvania
like that one day I skipped school and got lost in PA
and almost ran out of gas on 95
so I was driving around at 11:30 at night
which is "inappropriate"
apparently
fuck
fuck
fuck
I'm pissed at life
and I so don't feel like being in this fucking shithole anymore
God, I gotta get away from my parents
their goddamn rules
I fucking know what I need okay?
and maybe what I need is "dangerous" sometimes
but sometimes I need a fucking adventure
sometimes I need to fucking hurt myself
sometimes I need to play with my own fucking blood
sometimes I just need a fucking drive
feeling the air racing through my hair from the open car window
sometimes I need to see my fucking boyfriend
I don't know why the hell I went to his house at midnight
sat on TOP of my car (may or may not have dented my hood--goddamn fatass)
In the rain
amusing myself by watching fireflies and singing church songs
for an hour
until my alcohol-breath boyfriend came home
okay?
I don't know why I needed that
I don't know why I did it
I don't know a LOT of things
But USUALLY
I know what I need
I just needed to see him
I wanted to hear the song that he wrote for me
I just needed to see him
took away my fucking keys
got fucking pulled over for speeding
damn cop doing his job at 2:00 in the morning
fucking court summons
GOD DAMNIT
you know, I've got it good
my life is AWESOME
compared to the SHIT other people go through
I'm a pissass whiner and complainer having no right to complain
but something's wrong in my fucking head where my goddamn self-centeredness thinks that everything is about me and how "my homelife is unsatisfying".
I'm bathing in my rage right now
and leaving in 5 minutes to go feed one-yr-olds and put them to sleep
I haven't decided if I'm going to be able to handle myself at work today
pretty sure I'm gonna do something crazy
and not be normal
because sometimes I feel
like I'm the furthest from normal
and I do weird things
like drive to my boyfriend's house when I'm already late
my boyfriend who has trouble not flirting with cute girls when I'm not around
who loves me but who can't be strong enough to need only me
like I have ACTUALLY learned to need only him
me!
big ol' flirt me!
isn't that awesome?
God, this was good to vent.
fucking keys...