(no subject)
So as I sit here I’m listening to a Skillet song...The Last Night. It’s a good song...the first verse...actually the whole song kinda hits close to home a bit
You come to me with your scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn’t want you to see me cry, I’m fine
But I know it’s a lie
So I sit here and think about the past 10 years. All I really have to show for it are the scars on my wrists. Ya I graduated high school and college...but what am I doing with it? At this point nothing...trying to get into Western so I can finish school and maybe goto law school...but affording that isn’t looking to promising at this point.
For the first time in my life I have been using my mental illness to try and get scholarships or something. Then a good friend goes and tells me that because he was hospitalized once he knows what real mental illness is. So what was the past 10 years for me? With the doctors, the therpists, the medication that I was forced to take, the hospitalizations, over 50 stitches and 8 staples in a 12 month period. I don’t think he understood how him saying that hurt me. The first time in my life I’ve tried to use my issues to get me something and someone goes and says something like that....
I’ve been told just to get over what he said, but like I said it hurt me alot. I already felt like shit because I was trying to use it to get scholarships when I had hated to use it to begin with. It’s at the point where I don’t even know if I’m going get into Western..and if I do I have no clue where I will get the money for it.
I’ve been so stressed for the past 3 months...I get like 3-5 hours a night if I am lucky, and I generally wake up ever hour and a half from nightmares.
But none of it matters, I need to stop complaining because no one wants to hear it anyway, it’s time for me to just suck it up and deal with the fact my life is hell.
You come to me with your scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn’t want you to see me cry, I’m fine
But I know it’s a lie
So I sit here and think about the past 10 years. All I really have to show for it are the scars on my wrists. Ya I graduated high school and college...but what am I doing with it? At this point nothing...trying to get into Western so I can finish school and maybe goto law school...but affording that isn’t looking to promising at this point.
For the first time in my life I have been using my mental illness to try and get scholarships or something. Then a good friend goes and tells me that because he was hospitalized once he knows what real mental illness is. So what was the past 10 years for me? With the doctors, the therpists, the medication that I was forced to take, the hospitalizations, over 50 stitches and 8 staples in a 12 month period. I don’t think he understood how him saying that hurt me. The first time in my life I’ve tried to use my issues to get me something and someone goes and says something like that....
I’ve been told just to get over what he said, but like I said it hurt me alot. I already felt like shit because I was trying to use it to get scholarships when I had hated to use it to begin with. It’s at the point where I don’t even know if I’m going get into Western..and if I do I have no clue where I will get the money for it.
I’ve been so stressed for the past 3 months...I get like 3-5 hours a night if I am lucky, and I generally wake up ever hour and a half from nightmares.
But none of it matters, I need to stop complaining because no one wants to hear it anyway, it’s time for me to just suck it up and deal with the fact my life is hell.