I Don't Know (Damon/Elena)

[upupa_epops]

Title: I Don't Know
Rating: PG-13
For: Nat, who demanded “Elena's head at the beginning of 4x08” (I actually ended up setting the story between 4x07 and 4x08)
Characters/Pairings: Damon/Elena
Spoilers: 4x08. I'm working under the assumption that the sire bond doesn't exist.
Wordcount: 700
Summary: Elena feels calm.
A/N: This was supposed to be a

Comments

[kesjcv]

Urgh, this made my stomach do flips with its intensity. I absolutely love the fragility between them, I love Elena's awareness of the overuse of the idea of choices, I love the utterly real details you add in, like their being unused to sleeping with another person, and I absolutely adore how it really shows that special thing they have between them- that their relationship is not just about lust, as some silly SEers claim, but is founded really in a deep trust and reliance, and friendship. During the months that Stefan was away rippering, i think Damon truly became her best friend - she could pour her heart out to him, knew she could be all the sides of herself with him without being judged, and he was her rock. And we already know that she knows him, and likes him just the way he is. This is a lovely snapshot of a moment in time - and I LOVE how you managed to make it so hot and weighted, as well as a bit sad and so very very REAL. Marvellous.

[upupa_epops]

I agree that right now, Elena and Damon are first and foremost friends, and that's basically the reason why they slept together: Elena wanted some time out, one night of feeling totally accepted by someone.

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked the story!

[miss_blanche]

These kind of scenes between Damon and Elena are actually porn to me, more so than the porn porn. And I absolutely adore the way you have written Elena and Damon here, with so much depth in such a simple kind of almost-missing scene. Great job ♥

[upupa_epops]

I'm glad I produced porn unintentionally ;). Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!

[secrets2me]

(I've de-lurked!) I liked the softness between the two - we hardly see any of that (on the show), yet hope that it's there somewhere between all the madness and pain. This scene between them was fantastic - I like it when they're both vulnerable, and I especially like it when Elena can be that way with him because she's really letting him in and letting him accept her for who she truly is.

Anyway, if you couldn't tell - this was fantastic!

[upupa_epops]

Hello, de-lurked lurker! ;). Hmm, I think the softness is there sometimes, especially in the little moments, little touches, not really in words. I'm quite mesmerized by it :).

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed!

[badboy_fangirl]

I can't help but wonder if in human!Elena's mind the worst thing that could ever happen would be for her to love Damon, admit that she loves him, show him that she loves him through making love with him, and then she gets there, it finally happens once she's vampire!Elena, and instead of being this awful thing she's imagined all this time, it makes her so happy and that's what freaks her out, just a bit. Being happy at this point has got to be such a foreign concept. And yet...that's what being with Damon means.

*sigh*

I'm so scared to watch today's episode. I'm glad I've had to wait and will wait still longer...because they kill me, kill me DED.

(Also, so does your writing.)

[upupa_epops]

I think she did consider it a terrible thing when she was human. And this is why she slept with Damon precisely in the moment when she did. Because after killing someone, after going through the emotional torture that was the Hunter's Curse, Damon doesn't seem like the matter of life and death anymore. Sleeping with him, loving him doesn't define her. She got over believing that she's a murderous monster and she deserves to die. It changed her perspective.

You're right, being with Damon does make her happy. I just had a thought that being so happy, feeling so safe would make her release all the pent-up tension. She'd freak out in front of him -- not because he freaks her out but because she feels it's safe to freak out. Because she knows he'll hold her through it and not say anything idiotic like "everything's gonna be alright" or something.

Enjoy the episode! And thank you, I'm glad you liked the writing :).

[verushka70]

I wandered over here from PB XIV but I've read your stuff before and I'm with you -- in fic (if not in canon, grrr) I want the assumption to be that the sire bond doesn't exist because wtf, WHY did they have to do that to either of them? It undermines/invalidates Elena's stated feelings for Damon whenever she states them (Bourbon Street notwithstanding, the sire bond is over emphasized by Caroline/Stefan et al, and the Nawleans witch/Tyler's statements are de-emphasized/omitted, grrr.). Plus it has injected serious doubts for Damon...ugh, it just makes me really mad. And Elena's agency - I won't even get started, it'll just be a rant. Summary: Elena's agency shouldn't have been compromised that way, Damon deserves better than a sire-bonded/invalidated Elena love, and she deserves to love him the way she started to: naturally, feelings bubbling up and making themselves known with their incredible chemistry lighting the match to their sex (which I get the chemistry is IS's and ND's chemistry, but, handwave

[upupa_epops]

Oh, but I totally agree, Damon does have a tendency to be sexually submissive (and I'm not even talking about D/s relationships; he simply enjoys following more than he enjoys leading), and there's nothing wrong with that. The way I explain this to myself is that from a very young age he had a lot of responsibility and expectations put on him, and it created a lot of tension. So no wonder than in activities that are supposed to be relaxing (for example sex) he'd enjoy simply giving in to someone, giving up the control he's supposed to have in other areas of life. On top of that, I think that Damon deeply enjoys the idea of being wanted by a woman he loves -- not just having her, but also being genuinely wanted by her. Which is another reason why he's attracted to sexually assertive, dominant women, like Katherine or Elena: he likes the fact that he can't make them do anything, so if they're with him, it's because they WANT him. He understands their assertive behavior as genuine desire, and that turns him on

[verushka70]

Absolutely. Damon wants (maybe even needs, after Katherine) to be wanted. I think, for him, the intimacy and vulnerability of being truly wanted for who he is, and the eroticism of being truly desired, is thrilling, maybe even healing. After all, being submissive sometimes entails being totally receptive, being the beloved. And I think some core part of him needs that; don't think he's gotten enough of that in his life. Maybe that's one reason I hate the cheat of the sire bond. (Also 'cause it just seemed like a convenient and artificial deus ex machina to keep them apart.)

[upupa_epops]

I also have other reasons to dislike the sire bond that are even more important for me, but I totally agree with your reading of Damon. He doesn't want to have, he wants to be wanted.