(no subject)
Play with your prey:
So it looks like I've lost this game of graduate school admissions. Three weeks after the interview with the University of Arizona, they email me back to tell me they'd rather not offer me admission. U Michigan rejected me a long time ago and I still haven't heard back from Caltech or UC Boulder. Caltech... Ha! I was really being overly optimistic at the time, wasn't I? Quite ironic, given the true hopelessness I felt at that time. Well, that's what I get for trying to get help from people. I should have known better. I did know better, but I didn't want to face reality...
Anyways, so now what? Well, of course I've got my plans and schemes to become ridiculously rich, but what if they fail? It'll be more difficult to accomplish what I have to do in this life, perhaps even impossible, but that's OK with me. I'm not benefitting from it. I'm letting go, and letting God; He always gives His children the means to accomplish His goals. Or maybe I'll run away from my calling again and hide in some monastery for the rest of my life. That actually sounds quite appealing to me, but not so to God.
I just remembered that I did pray over the admission process - I wasn't sure whether God wanted me to go directly to grad school, or whether I should immediately pursue the financial project in order to fund my private research for solving serious problems. I did ask God to shut the door on one of these possibilities in order that there would be no question as to what to do. Ask and ye shall receive. Be careful what you ask for, kids.
Well, the project seems to be starting off on the right foot. I've secured personal funds for the summer and fall, and my partner secured the position in NYC, along with more than enough initial capitol for our project. The concept map is almost complete as I continue to learn more about computational intelligence. It seems as though this may really work. Dear God, am I being realistic and optimistic at the same time?I didn't think that was possible. I thought the two to be mutually exclusive. This is scary.
In other news, I seem to be getting a grip on my ongoing torment. Although, I'm not sure if my tolerance is growing, or some perverse masochism is setting in. Immense pain tends to warp people, but I'm not totally bent out of shape... yet.
Word of the week: Disjoint
Color of the collar: Amber
So it looks like I've lost this game of graduate school admissions. Three weeks after the interview with the University of Arizona, they email me back to tell me they'd rather not offer me admission. U Michigan rejected me a long time ago and I still haven't heard back from Caltech or UC Boulder. Caltech... Ha! I was really being overly optimistic at the time, wasn't I? Quite ironic, given the true hopelessness I felt at that time. Well, that's what I get for trying to get help from people. I should have known better. I did know better, but I didn't want to face reality...
Anyways, so now what? Well, of course I've got my plans and schemes to become ridiculously rich, but what if they fail? It'll be more difficult to accomplish what I have to do in this life, perhaps even impossible, but that's OK with me. I'm not benefitting from it. I'm letting go, and letting God; He always gives His children the means to accomplish His goals. Or maybe I'll run away from my calling again and hide in some monastery for the rest of my life. That actually sounds quite appealing to me, but not so to God.
I just remembered that I did pray over the admission process - I wasn't sure whether God wanted me to go directly to grad school, or whether I should immediately pursue the financial project in order to fund my private research for solving serious problems. I did ask God to shut the door on one of these possibilities in order that there would be no question as to what to do. Ask and ye shall receive. Be careful what you ask for, kids.
Well, the project seems to be starting off on the right foot. I've secured personal funds for the summer and fall, and my partner secured the position in NYC, along with more than enough initial capitol for our project. The concept map is almost complete as I continue to learn more about computational intelligence. It seems as though this may really work. Dear God, am I being realistic and optimistic at the same time?I didn't think that was possible. I thought the two to be mutually exclusive. This is scary.
In other news, I seem to be getting a grip on my ongoing torment. Although, I'm not sure if my tolerance is growing, or some perverse masochism is setting in. Immense pain tends to warp people, but I'm not totally bent out of shape... yet.
Word of the week: Disjoint
Color of the collar: Amber