(no subject)
this is REALLY REALLY scattered because I am actually doing some work tonight?? which is the point really - I had a meeting with The Advisor today, for the first time in...is it two years? I've been working the Office Job for almost two and a half, so that sounds about right.
and although I let myself get into a panic over it, because frankly *this is an overwhelming thing to be doing,* educationally, and because it's been a long time, I got on that bus and I went up to campus (and I felt OLD and WEIRD) and I walked into his office.
The short version of today is that I went in there feeling angry and embarrassed at myself for taking so long of a break and claiming more than once that 'ok we're doing this now' only to wade around in anxiety rather than make any progress, and I came out thinking maybe I'm gonna get this thing done. Maybe we can even have it all sewn up by this time next year.
I had forgotten how practical and competent J is, and how he's that brilliant sort of professor who manages to both demand a lot of you and make you feel like you know a ton, too. He doesn't coddle or ego-stroke or really just put up with any General Bullshit, AND YET he knows how to get the best out of his students. Yes, we are up against the difficult situation of 'grad student with full-time non-academic job', which lands a lot of people in difficulty, but we are not immediately pressed for time, nor do we have as much work remaining as I thought.
And here we get to what this post is actually for: I need a place to go and remember a couple Important Points.
1) Hey guess what despite your rambling internet-style, you're actually a good writer.
2) You have a lot more data than you think, and it's better quality than you assume, too.
2a) You are not required to measure the entire interface, nor to just pour a complete petrographic catalog of every inch of fin into a bucket. It's not a PhD, and EVEN THEN you would not be doing the entire interface. Perspective!!
3) People have successfully defended with worse writing and smaller datasets. You know this, J knows this (and has reminded you of it), and you know what, let it go to your ego. Swim in it. Be excellent. You don't have to be King Student, just DONE.
4) J has all but handed you an academic blank check to write the first drafts as stream-of-consciousness AND you both love the idea of the very literary storyboarded map method for telling the science-story. Look how artsy it's gonna be! THINK OF THE POSTERS.
and now HAVING SAID ALL THAT I still have to work like mad for the next yearish if we wanna get this done, so I must stop prattling and get back to Phase 1: Document Tidying And Reacquainting Oneself With The Data. Future Meta-Thesis Word-vomit will be f'locked so I can use proper names and sensitive data. Yay.