Carrie's Creek
I'm beginning to think I shouldn't watch reruns of Dawson's Creek on TBS anymore. At least not while I'm still running from my past; it only seems to remind me of similarities in my own life that before last year never existed. Unfortunately, I love the show, and I don't want to give it up...I just hope that doesn't hold true for my life. I want to give it up so badly because I can't remember a night for months where I haven't had an annoyingly painful dream reminding me of things I'd much prefer to forget...of feelings and thoughts I will never begin to understand or be able to express. How can one thing be so hard to let go when I just don't want to have it anymore?
It didn't help that I didn't even have the brainpower to talk with him on the phone today to explain something as simple as Cedar Point plans. More often than not lately, for the first time since I've known him I've found myself at a complete loss for words. I can't even hold a simple conversation. I can't come up with everyday words to convey information! I can barely find the words to say hi to someone who was once one of my closest friends, a person I owe so much to and whom I respect so highly. It's like my heart just doesn't have it in it anymore to play nice or play games...it'd rather just not play at all. This folks, is the reason to always define the line of friendship. I just can't think...I think I need to stay away, more than I ever imagined. I need to cut myself off from the past and never look back to make way for my future...I've suspected it all along, but it is one of the single most unpleasant ideas I have ever contemplated. How to you just say goodbye yourself and forget everything?
It didn't help that I didn't even have the brainpower to talk with him on the phone today to explain something as simple as Cedar Point plans. More often than not lately, for the first time since I've known him I've found myself at a complete loss for words. I can't even hold a simple conversation. I can't come up with everyday words to convey information! I can barely find the words to say hi to someone who was once one of my closest friends, a person I owe so much to and whom I respect so highly. It's like my heart just doesn't have it in it anymore to play nice or play games...it'd rather just not play at all. This folks, is the reason to always define the line of friendship. I just can't think...I think I need to stay away, more than I ever imagined. I need to cut myself off from the past and never look back to make way for my future...I've suspected it all along, but it is one of the single most unpleasant ideas I have ever contemplated. How to you just say goodbye yourself and forget everything?