Last Christmas: Part Two
Title: Last Christmas
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Gaara/Naruto, past Sasuke/Naruto, side Sasuke/Temari, mentioned others.
Rating: T
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, GaaNaru would be canon. Believe it.
Summary: Last Christmas, Uzumaki Naruto's heart got broken. This year, he's hoping for something better.
Part One
-
December 21st, early morning
When Naruto woke, it was to quiet and darkness. He blinked rapidly and yawned, sitting up in bed. He frowned as his sleep-fogged mind realized he wasn't in his room at Neji's and then his eyes widened as he remembered what had happened before he'd apparently fallen asleep. Naruto looked around wildly and tensed as he stared incredulously at the red-head sleeping in an armchair at his side, book open on his chest.
Naruto felt a blush burning his face and hid his face in his hands. What was I thinking? He thought miserably. It was bad enough that Gaara had witnessed that scene with Sasuke, but even worse that Naruto had yelled at him and then broken the fuck down afterwards! More than that, he'd done this in front of Temari's brother; the last person on earth he should be confessing his love of Sasuke to, right after Temari herself.
"I'm an idiot," he murmured, feeling extremely embarrassed and more than a little ashamed. And it wasn't even that he'd yelled at Gaara . . . He closed his eyes as he remembered what the red-head had interrupted. Sasuke had been so, so close . . . . Closer than he'd been for a year. Naruto hadn't realized how much he'd missed that closeness. To have it there, right in his grasp, and then for it to be snatched away and unlikely to ever return . . . He thought that was what had triggered his mini-breakdown more than anything.
But no matter how much he craved that closeness, he shouldn't have let Sasuke almost kiss him. Not only because the bastard had stomped on his heart, but because he was taken. No amount of longing on Naruto's part would change that, and even if Sasuke was a cheating son of a bitch, Naruto wasn't. Temari had seemed genuine and nice and Naruto found that he was reluctant to hurt her, even if it meant getting the man he loved back.
He started as Gaara shifted and started to wake up. Naruto tensed, ready to flee as green eyes blinked open blearily and Gaara sat up, stretching out undoubtedly sore back muscles. His eyes flitted over the room until they came to rest on Naruto.
"You're awake," he rumbled, his voice sleep-roughened.
Naruto blushed. "I'm so sorry," he blurted out immediately. "You can't imagine how embarrassed I am right now. I should never have yelled at you, and I'm so sorry you had to watch me cry my guts out-I swear, I'm not usually that weepy! It's just-" he paused and then swallowed. "It's been a hard year, and having Sasuke here . . . . Hasn't been helping. I'm just so-"
"Sorry," Gaara finished for him, and Naruto's eyes snapped up to meet his. They seemed as flat as ever, but as Naruto looked he thought he could glimpse of amusement in them. "I got it."
"Sorry," Naruto said again, sheepishly this time. "And, uhm, thanks for bringing me here? It would've sucked big time to sleep in the library . . . . But you could've brought me to my room-"
"I didn't know where it was," Gaara said with a shrug. He stood, stretching some more and then walked over to where Naruto was sitting. Naruto watched him approach warily. For a few moments, they just stared at each other.
Naruto eventually chuckled nervously. "Well, this has been fun but I should really, uhm, be going now-" he scrambled out of the bed and ended up getting tangled in the generous quilt and falling off the side of the bed with it wrapped around his legs like a life-sucking octopus. Naruto cursed loudly as he tried to get the damned thing off of him, his troubles and the awkward situation forgotten for a moment as battled life and death. Gaara stared down at him, vaguely amused by his antics. It had been a long time since anyone had been this lively in his presence.
Naruto sprang to his feet as soon as he was untangled, a blush highlighting his cheekbones. "Sorry," he said, almost nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'll just be-"
"Uzumaki."
Naruto hesitated. "Yes?" he asked.
Gaara frowned and seemed to hesitate for a moment before he said softly, "Even if you love him . . . I do not think he loves you."
Naruto flinched as if he'd been struck and stared at Gaara for a long tense moment. His lips tightened and he finally looked away, looking just as hopeless as he had the night before. Gaara felt the strange urge to reach out and comfort him, but he resisted.
"Trust me Gaara," he said bitterly. "I know."
Naruto really couldn't say what irked him about Sasuke.
He supposed it was something about the Uchiha's attitude; the damn smirk he always wore seemed to say, "I'm so much better than you." Naruto had never been able to stand anyone looking down at him, and Sasuke seemed to do it all the time. What irritated him more was that Naruto wanted Sasuke to look at him with respect; Sasuke was smart and level-headed and someone Naruto could have been friends with easily . . . if it weren't for that damn smirk.
Naruto was sulking on the deck, staring up at the stars with a pout. He'd expected this vacation to be full of friends and fun, but he found that Sasuke always pulled things down for him. It was like just having the Uchiha there, knowing that he probably despised him, made him a little depressed. Naruto didn't really want to examine the reasons why he felt that way.
"Dobe."
Naruto groaned loudly. "Why is it, whenever I want to be alone you show up?" he said, looking over his shoulder at Sasuke. He frowned when he realized that the Uchiha looked more serious than usual; no smirk played across his lips at he met Naruto's stare head-on.
They stared at each other for several long moments before Naruto couldn't take the tension anymore. "What?" he snapped, turning to face Sasuke fully. The Uchiha blinked and then smirked, but it was a pale, lifeless version of the one he usually wore.
"Nothing, dobe," he said. "Just wondering what an idiot like you has to think about while star-gazing."
Naruto bristled. "I'm not an idiot!" he snarled at Sasuke.
His anger evaporated into confusion as Sasuke watched him for a moment and then murmured, "No, you're not."
Naruto watched as Sasuke strode forward and took a seat next to him, turning his eyes up to the starry sky above them as his breath made fog appear in the crisp, cool air. Sasuke looked ethereal in the starlight; Naruto's breath caught for a moment before he realized who exactly he was thinking of and shoved that thought deep into his subconscious. He decided that it would be best to just ignore the man altogether and turned back to look at the stars above him.
It took a while for Naruto to relax, but as he did he forgot that Sasuke was there. He felt dreamy and sleepy, even in the cold, and after a while he started to drift off. After starting awake for the fourth time, Naruto yawned and decided it might be best to head inside before he ended up sleeping outside and getting extremely sick. He turned and then started in surprise when he saw Sasuke sitting next to him; he'd forgotten about the Uchiha's presence.
Sasuke turned when he heard his gasp, and a small smirk played at the edge of his lips. "Tired, dobe?" he asked, making it more of a challenge than a question. Naruto instantly bristled.
"Of course not!" he said, false brightly. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't."
"I'm fine," Sasuke said smugly, as if he knew Naruto was lying. Naruto gritted his teeth; now there was no way he could go inside and give the bastard of the satisfaction of having won! What Sasuke was winning, Naruto had no idea, but he knew that there was something about this interaction that was a contest and he wasn't about to lose it, no matter if he knew what was going on or not!
He turned to face the front stubbornly and tried to ignore the jaw-cracking yawns he kept producing. After nearly ten minutes of said occurrences, he heard Sasuke sigh and looked at his companion out of the corner of his eye. Sasuke had turned to face him, so Naruto tilted his head slightly so that they were eye-to-eye.
Sasuke hesitated for a moment, which was unusual to Naruto, who had never seem him falter about anything. He opened his mouth several times as if he wanted to say something and then stopped himself.
"Just spit it out already!" Naruto finally said, exasperated. Sasuke's eyes narrowed at him. "Obviously it's eating you up inside," Naruto continued, oblivious to the danger his current words were leading him. "Just say it so we can get this-" He was cut off by warm lips against his own.
Naruto's mouth opened in surprise and Sasuke took advantage of that to slid his tongue in, exploring the depths of the blond's mouth. Naruto moaned, almost by reflex as his mind sought to catch up with these unexpected events; Sasuke was kissing him! It was . . . . unbelievably good. Naruto moaned much more appreciatively and he felt Sasuke give a hum of approval.
Rational thought abandoned, Naruto pulled the Uchiha closer to him, and felt Sasuke shiver under his touch. His fingers twisted in dark hair as their tongues entwined, and Sasuke's hands had dropped down to his hips, clutching the bones tightly enough that Naruto thought there might even be bruises, despite the layer of clothing. Naruto moaned again; Gods it felt so good.
Eventually, they had to draw apart. Sasuke remained close, staring Naruto in the eyes as their breaths mingled. Despite the cold temperature, everything seemed foggy and muggy to Naruto; he could still feel the shadow touches of Sasuke's tongue against his own and Sasuke's lips on his. He noticed that his hand was still entwined in Sasuke's hair and slowly pulled it away.
"What . . . ." his voice sounded husky and kiss-drugged. Naruto cleared his throat in embarrassment. "What was that?" He sounded much more normal then.
"It was a kiss, dobe," Sasuke growled, his voice lower and rougher than usual. Naruto felt a shock of arousal at hearing it. "Do I need to give you a definition?"
"No, but-I mean, you and I-You hate me!" Naruto blurted out.
"I don't hate you," Sasuke said, and his eyes softened a bit. "I like you." His hand went up to touch Naruto's cheek and the blond leaned into the touch before he realized what he was doing.
"I hate you," Naruto said, but his voice was doubtful and Sasuke heard it.
"No you don't," he said calmly. Then he smirked, and having it so close to his face after that amazing kiss did strange things to Naruto's libido. "You want me."
Naruto spluttered. "I-what-I do not want you!" he protested. Sasuke's smirk widened.
"You've wanted me since you first saw me," he continued smugly. "I know I'm irresistible, but that's new even for me."
"Why you arrogant ass-" Naruto started, but was interrupted by a kiss. "Wait a second, don't think that'll distract-" he was interrupted again and Naruto could feel his annoyance growing weaker. "Bastard-" he growled into another kiss, but then he didn't feel like arguing anymore. He drew Sasuke closer and felt a burst of happiness as the Uchiha accepted the intimacy easily.
"Do you really want this Sasuke?" Naruto asked when they drew apart. "I mean, I don't do one-night stands. If this is just sex to you . . . ."
Something flashed in Sasuke's eyes. "It's not just sex," he said firmly.
Naruto smiled with something like wonder; his track record with relationships was horrible, and they ended up just wanting him for sex. A small part of him wondered if that was all Sasuke wanted to, but in the end it was a very small part. It had been a long time since he'd been with anyone for longer than a month. Despite their differences . . . Naruto thought he could take a leap of faith. Just this once, he would trust and see where it took him. Sasuke was all he'd ever wanted in a partner, and they seemed to feel the same about each other. Naruto just needed . . . to have faith.
"Okay," he murmured, pulling Sasuke in for a kiss. "Let's go upstairs," he murmured against his lips and felt more than saw Sasuke grin.
Neji watched Naruto poke at his dinner sparingly, barely taking a bite out it. He frowned and looked over at Shikamaru, who met his stare boldly. They were both thinking the same thing; something wasn't right with Naruto. Shikamaru raised his eyebrows in question and Neji nodded tensely. He loved his best friend very dearly; he couldn't let this continue. Shikamaru stared at him for a moment before nodding back slowly in return.
They waited until dinner had finished. Everyone else had gone upstairs and Naruto was just preparing to leave.
"Naruto," Neji called. "Can we talk for a moment?"
Naruto looked at him with tired eyes. Neji's heart tightened; Naruto's eyes weren't meant to look like that. "I just want to go to sleep, Neji," he said plaintively. "Can't this wait until tomorrow?"
"No," Shikamaru said quietly. Naruto started, as if he hadn't noticed the brunet was still in the room. "We need to talk, Naruto."
Naruto stared at them both before his eyes widened with comprehension. A smile slid onto his face, but Neji knew that it was forced. "What is it guys?"
"Naruto . . . ." Neji started, unsure of how to say what he needed to say.
"What's wrong with you?" Shikamaru finished when it seemed like Neji was lost for words. Neji sent him a glare; he hadn't wanted to be so blunt about it.
Naruto gave them a perfectly executed confused look. "What're you talking about? I'm fine!" His fake smile widened.
"Naruto," Neji said gently, "you're not fine. We can both tell so can you please . . . drop the pretense?"
Naruto smiled at them for several more moments before it slowly dropped as he noticed neither of them were buying it. Without the smile, Naruto seemed much more tired and completely fragile. Neji hadn't seen him look like that since high school.
"What's going on with you, Naruto?" Neji questioned quietly. "You show up wearing that," he gestured to the new look, "not that it looks bad on you, it's just . . . you never cared about clothes before. And you keep wearing fake smiles and you never talk about anything anymore . . . ."
"Look, nothing's wrong, okay," Naruto said sharply. "I'm fine. Can't we just leave it at that?"
"We could," Shikamaru said, "if you were fine. But you're not."
Naruto ran a hand through his hair. "Can't you guys just leave it alone?" he asked angrily. "Why do you have to know? It's none of your business!"
"You're our friend Naruto," Neji said firmly. "Of course it's our business."
Naruto stared at them for a long moment. Neji almost started to hope that he might actually share what was bothering him, but then Naruto's lips tightened and he looked away. Neji's heart fell; he knew that look. Shikamaru looked over at him; apparently he knew it too.
"I'm tired," Naruto said tightly. "I'm gonna head to bed now." He marched out of the door before either of them could stop him. Neji stared at the door with sad eyes.
"Why won't he tell us?" he murmured, sitting down heavily at the table. Shikamaru sighed.
"He doesn't want us to know," he said. "You know how Naruto is; he doesn't want anyone to be troubled by him. And . . . he might be ashamed."
"Ashamed of what?" Neji demanded. "I just want to help him. So help my God, if anyone's hurt him-!" Neji cut himself off, breathing out heavily through his nose as he tried to control his temper. He'd been Naruto's friend since he was fourteen years old, and his self-proclaimed protector for just as long; the thought of anyone hurting his friend was enough to send him into a protective frenzy.
"I think someone did hurt him," Shikamaru said thoughtfully. Neji's shoulders tensed.
"Who do you think it was?" he demanded. Shikamaru was a master observer; Neji had seen him make guesses on people's lives from the way they walked. If anyone could guess at who was making Naruto distressed, it would be him. Shikamaru paused for a moment, his eyes narrowing in thought.
"It's either one of the Sabakus," he said slowly, "or Uchiha. Remember when Naruto got here? He tensed around Uchiha all the time and then would force himself to relax. He . . . doesn't trust him. And he doesn't trust Temari and Gaara Sabaku either; he tenses around them too."
"He didn't even known Temari and Gaara before a few days ago," Neji said, "which would mean . . . ."
"Whatever's happening, Uchiha's involved," Shikamaru finished grimly. Neji's nostrils flared angrily.
"If he's doing anything to harm Naruto," he said lowly, "I'll kill him." Sasuke may have been his friend, but Naruto was like his brother. God help the Uchiha if he'd harmed a blond hair on his head.
Shikamaru didn't say anything to protest that. If anything, he looked rather like he'd rather do the same thing himself.
Naruto had retreated to the deck. That place was a source of pain for him, where memories haunted him everywhere, but it was always the place he went to when he needed to be alone. He sat on the wood and put his head in his hands. Why did Neji and Shikamaru have to know him so well?
He curled into himself; he couldn't tell them. What would they think of him, loving a man who was engaged? They'd be disgusted with how weak he was, letting Sasuke come in and take his heart and smash it under his foot without a protest. They'd be even more disgusted with how much he still felt for the man despite everything that had happened. Sometimes . . . . Most of the time, Naruto was ashamed of himself. He should be stronger than this; pining for an engaged man he couldn't have was something reserved for weak girls in movies. He wasn't like that.
But he couldn't change it. Sasuke drew him in, he would always draw him in . . . . And Naruto was powerless to stop him, whether or not he was engaged. But obviously, Sasuke didn't care for him anymore. At dinner he'd hovered over Temari, showering her with all the love and affection an Uchiha can show. Naruto had tried to ignore it, but his eyes always went back to them. He'd reflected bitterly on how nice of a couple they'd made; a couple in contrasts, despite their similar eye colors. Temari was beautiful and Sasuke was strikingly handsome, they were both smart and fairly wealthy and knew their way around a business; when they were married, they'd be a dream pair.
Naruto always wondered what it would been like if Sasuke had never dumped him. Would they have worked out? Naruto liked to think they would've, but what did he know? Maybe, in the end they would've broken up anyways. But then at least . . . he would've had a choice in it. He wouldn't have been dumped like yesterday's news without so much as a by-your-life. He wouldn't have been made to feel . . . .
"What, you thought I loved you? Please. You were a good lay, and that was it. There's nothing else to it."
. . . completely worthless. Worse than garbage. Naruto smiled bitterly.
"Uzumaki."
Naruto uncurled himself and looked over at Gaara, who had appeared on the deck behind him. He found that he couldn't be surprised that the red-head had showed up.
"Gaara," he said flatly. Gaara knew . . . . he'd seen everything. Naruto didn't need to pretend to be happy, not in front of this man who'd already seen him vulnerable and broken. Naruto felt a flush build up in his cheeks at the very thought of everything that Gaara knew about him.
"Tell me something about yourself," he said abruptly. A pale eyebrow rose. "To . . . even the playing field," Naruto clarified. When Gaara didn't speak, his mouth trembled a bit. "Please," he said softly.
Gaara's eyes softened and he tilted his head to considering. "My mother died giving birth to me," he said a long moments of silence. Naruto had drooped, thinking that Gaara would never answer him, but he straightened in surprise at receiving this bit of news. "My father hated me for it."
Naruto's face softened in sympathy. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. Gaara blinked at him.
"Why?" he asked. Naruto frowned at him with confusion. "Why are you sorry?"
"Because it's a horrible thing, to have a parent hate you," Naruto answered immediately. "Why wouldn't I be sorry?"
Gaara considered this. "Then . . . I am also . . . sorry," he said word as if he was testing it, unsure of the weight of it.
"For what?" Naruto asked, puzzled.
"For whatever went wrong with Uchiha." Naruto tensed instantly, curling into himself a bit.
"Can we not talk about that?" he asked tightly. Gaara considered him for a moment.
"Alright," he agreed. He strode forward and took a seat next to Naruto. He looked straight ahead as he said, "What do you wish to talk about?"
Naruto sighed. "I don't even know," he said, a little tearfully. There was a pause. "Do you like Christmas, Gaara?" Naruto whispered.
Gaara considered this question seriously. "I am indifferent to it," he said finally. Naruto looked at him incredulously.
"You're indifferent!" he said. "How can you be indifferent to Christmas! Are you Jewish or something?" He eyed Gaara suspiciously. Gaara cocked an eyebrow at him.
"No," he said seriously, "though I do not see how that would affect my opinion of Christmas."
Naruto shrugged. "Well, I didn't figure you could be Christian and dislike Christmas," he explained.
"I do not dislike it," Gaara corrected. "I am indifferent."
"I just don't understand that," Naruto said. "Christmas . . . is magical. The hymns and the stories and the candles and presents and trees . . . . there's something special about this time of year, you know? It seems like anything can happen during Christmas . . . ." Naruto's eyes were dreamy. "I love this time of year. Not just Christmas, but winter in general . . . it's so beautiful. Icy but . . . ." He shook his head. "But you don't want to hear that." He sounded almost embarrassed.
Gaara looked down at him. "I must confess I did not think winter would be your favorite season," he said quietly. "I suspected summer."
Naruto laughed. "Because I'm so sunny, right?" he asked, a little amused. Gaara inclined his head. "Nope, sorry to disappoint."
"I am not disappointed," Gaara said. "Though I must confess I am partial to spring myself."
"Why?" Naruto asked, innocently curious.
Gaara hesitated, almost embarrassed to confess this part of himself. Gaara had kept his emotions so intensely folded in that spreading them out felt too intimate, as if he was baring a part of himself that he shouldn't. But . . . he'd seen Uzumaki Naruto at his worst and most vulnerable. He felt a connection with the blond and some small part of him whispered, it will be alright to share yourself with him. He will understand.
"Everything is new," Gaara said finally. "Things are born in spring. It is a time when life is at its strongest. I find myself . . . fascinated by that."
"You sound like you shouldn't be," Naruto commented. Gaara looked at him. "Fascinated by it," he clarified. Gaara's brow furrowed faintly.
"My father always told me to be emotionless," he said. "Emotions are for the weak."
"Bullshit," Naruto said empathetically. Gaara looked at him with surprise. "Emotions are power Gaara. They make us who we are, give us the strength to do things we wouldn't normally do . . . . A power of a mother's love is worth ten times more than any machine in existence. I believe that . . . and you should too."
"But why do you believe that?" Gaara asked, confused. "Considering . . . ." he cut himself off before he could discuss what Naruto expressly had said he didn't want to talk about.
Naruto smiled bitterly. "Considering where my love for Sasuke has taken me?" Something ugly twisted in Gaara's gut at hearing Naruto talk about his love for Uchiha, but he nodded. "Emotions can hurt you just as much as they can help you . . . . But I think the good outweighs the bad. I may be hurting because I'm in love with Sasuke . . . but I would rather feel this than nothing at all. No matter how much it seems otherwise some days," he added in, a touch wryly.
"Your friends are worried about you," Gaara said before he could stop himself. Naruto looked up at him with confusion.
"How did you-?"
"I . . . overheard your conversation."
"You eavesdropped?" Naruto asked, surprised and a little hurt.
"I was passing by the door," Gaara explained. "I heard voices and stopped to determine who was speaking. Once I heard the subject of the conversation . . . ."
"It made you stop and listen," Naruto finished bitterly. "I don't blame you; what's more interesting than a damaged freak like me?"
Gaara glared at him. "Do not call yourself such things," he said severely. Naruto looked down at his knees stubbornly.
"Why not?" he asked. "I am."
A hand caught his chin and forced him to look into Gaara's eyes. Gaara looked at his face searchingly. "You believe that," Gaara said and shook his head, releasing Naruto's chin. It felt strangely warm and Naruto rubbed at it thoughtfully. "You are many things, Uzumaki . . . but you are not a freak."
"Why do you call me that?" Naruto asked. "Uzumaki?"
Gaara's brow furrowed. "We have only known each other for a few days," he said, "it would be improper to call you by your first name."
Naruto smiled. "And are you always proper, Gaara?" he asked, a little teasingly. Gaara tensed and frowned.
"There is nothing wrong-" he started, but Naruto cut him off.
"Oh stop, I was just kidding. Look, you can call me Naruto, alright? Does it make it proper if I allow it?"
Gaara considered this. "Yes . . . . Naruto," he conceded. Naruto beamed up at him.
"Good!" Gaara offered a tentative lip quirk of his own. Naruto's smile brightened in response.
"I'm glad you're here Gaara," he said. "It's nice to have someone who . . . understands." Naruto's eyes drifted back to the stars. Gaara watched him.
"Yes," he murmured to himself. "It is nice, isn't it."
Continued
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Gaara/Naruto, past Sasuke/Naruto, side Sasuke/Temari, mentioned others.
Rating: T
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, GaaNaru would be canon. Believe it.
Summary: Last Christmas, Uzumaki Naruto's heart got broken. This year, he's hoping for something better.
Part One
-
December 21st, early morning
When Naruto woke, it was to quiet and darkness. He blinked rapidly and yawned, sitting up in bed. He frowned as his sleep-fogged mind realized he wasn't in his room at Neji's and then his eyes widened as he remembered what had happened before he'd apparently fallen asleep. Naruto looked around wildly and tensed as he stared incredulously at the red-head sleeping in an armchair at his side, book open on his chest.
Naruto felt a blush burning his face and hid his face in his hands. What was I thinking? He thought miserably. It was bad enough that Gaara had witnessed that scene with Sasuke, but even worse that Naruto had yelled at him and then broken the fuck down afterwards! More than that, he'd done this in front of Temari's brother; the last person on earth he should be confessing his love of Sasuke to, right after Temari herself.
"I'm an idiot," he murmured, feeling extremely embarrassed and more than a little ashamed. And it wasn't even that he'd yelled at Gaara . . . He closed his eyes as he remembered what the red-head had interrupted. Sasuke had been so, so close . . . . Closer than he'd been for a year. Naruto hadn't realized how much he'd missed that closeness. To have it there, right in his grasp, and then for it to be snatched away and unlikely to ever return . . . He thought that was what had triggered his mini-breakdown more than anything.
But no matter how much he craved that closeness, he shouldn't have let Sasuke almost kiss him. Not only because the bastard had stomped on his heart, but because he was taken. No amount of longing on Naruto's part would change that, and even if Sasuke was a cheating son of a bitch, Naruto wasn't. Temari had seemed genuine and nice and Naruto found that he was reluctant to hurt her, even if it meant getting the man he loved back.
He started as Gaara shifted and started to wake up. Naruto tensed, ready to flee as green eyes blinked open blearily and Gaara sat up, stretching out undoubtedly sore back muscles. His eyes flitted over the room until they came to rest on Naruto.
"You're awake," he rumbled, his voice sleep-roughened.
Naruto blushed. "I'm so sorry," he blurted out immediately. "You can't imagine how embarrassed I am right now. I should never have yelled at you, and I'm so sorry you had to watch me cry my guts out-I swear, I'm not usually that weepy! It's just-" he paused and then swallowed. "It's been a hard year, and having Sasuke here . . . . Hasn't been helping. I'm just so-"
"Sorry," Gaara finished for him, and Naruto's eyes snapped up to meet his. They seemed as flat as ever, but as Naruto looked he thought he could glimpse of amusement in them. "I got it."
"Sorry," Naruto said again, sheepishly this time. "And, uhm, thanks for bringing me here? It would've sucked big time to sleep in the library . . . . But you could've brought me to my room-"
"I didn't know where it was," Gaara said with a shrug. He stood, stretching some more and then walked over to where Naruto was sitting. Naruto watched him approach warily. For a few moments, they just stared at each other.
Naruto eventually chuckled nervously. "Well, this has been fun but I should really, uhm, be going now-" he scrambled out of the bed and ended up getting tangled in the generous quilt and falling off the side of the bed with it wrapped around his legs like a life-sucking octopus. Naruto cursed loudly as he tried to get the damned thing off of him, his troubles and the awkward situation forgotten for a moment as battled life and death. Gaara stared down at him, vaguely amused by his antics. It had been a long time since anyone had been this lively in his presence.
Naruto sprang to his feet as soon as he was untangled, a blush highlighting his cheekbones. "Sorry," he said, almost nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'll just be-"
"Uzumaki."
Naruto hesitated. "Yes?" he asked.
Gaara frowned and seemed to hesitate for a moment before he said softly, "Even if you love him . . . I do not think he loves you."
Naruto flinched as if he'd been struck and stared at Gaara for a long tense moment. His lips tightened and he finally looked away, looking just as hopeless as he had the night before. Gaara felt the strange urge to reach out and comfort him, but he resisted.
"Trust me Gaara," he said bitterly. "I know."
Naruto really couldn't say what irked him about Sasuke.
He supposed it was something about the Uchiha's attitude; the damn smirk he always wore seemed to say, "I'm so much better than you." Naruto had never been able to stand anyone looking down at him, and Sasuke seemed to do it all the time. What irritated him more was that Naruto wanted Sasuke to look at him with respect; Sasuke was smart and level-headed and someone Naruto could have been friends with easily . . . if it weren't for that damn smirk.
Naruto was sulking on the deck, staring up at the stars with a pout. He'd expected this vacation to be full of friends and fun, but he found that Sasuke always pulled things down for him. It was like just having the Uchiha there, knowing that he probably despised him, made him a little depressed. Naruto didn't really want to examine the reasons why he felt that way.
"Dobe."
Naruto groaned loudly. "Why is it, whenever I want to be alone you show up?" he said, looking over his shoulder at Sasuke. He frowned when he realized that the Uchiha looked more serious than usual; no smirk played across his lips at he met Naruto's stare head-on.
They stared at each other for several long moments before Naruto couldn't take the tension anymore. "What?" he snapped, turning to face Sasuke fully. The Uchiha blinked and then smirked, but it was a pale, lifeless version of the one he usually wore.
"Nothing, dobe," he said. "Just wondering what an idiot like you has to think about while star-gazing."
Naruto bristled. "I'm not an idiot!" he snarled at Sasuke.
His anger evaporated into confusion as Sasuke watched him for a moment and then murmured, "No, you're not."
Naruto watched as Sasuke strode forward and took a seat next to him, turning his eyes up to the starry sky above them as his breath made fog appear in the crisp, cool air. Sasuke looked ethereal in the starlight; Naruto's breath caught for a moment before he realized who exactly he was thinking of and shoved that thought deep into his subconscious. He decided that it would be best to just ignore the man altogether and turned back to look at the stars above him.
It took a while for Naruto to relax, but as he did he forgot that Sasuke was there. He felt dreamy and sleepy, even in the cold, and after a while he started to drift off. After starting awake for the fourth time, Naruto yawned and decided it might be best to head inside before he ended up sleeping outside and getting extremely sick. He turned and then started in surprise when he saw Sasuke sitting next to him; he'd forgotten about the Uchiha's presence.
Sasuke turned when he heard his gasp, and a small smirk played at the edge of his lips. "Tired, dobe?" he asked, making it more of a challenge than a question. Naruto instantly bristled.
"Of course not!" he said, false brightly. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't."
"I'm fine," Sasuke said smugly, as if he knew Naruto was lying. Naruto gritted his teeth; now there was no way he could go inside and give the bastard of the satisfaction of having won! What Sasuke was winning, Naruto had no idea, but he knew that there was something about this interaction that was a contest and he wasn't about to lose it, no matter if he knew what was going on or not!
He turned to face the front stubbornly and tried to ignore the jaw-cracking yawns he kept producing. After nearly ten minutes of said occurrences, he heard Sasuke sigh and looked at his companion out of the corner of his eye. Sasuke had turned to face him, so Naruto tilted his head slightly so that they were eye-to-eye.
Sasuke hesitated for a moment, which was unusual to Naruto, who had never seem him falter about anything. He opened his mouth several times as if he wanted to say something and then stopped himself.
"Just spit it out already!" Naruto finally said, exasperated. Sasuke's eyes narrowed at him. "Obviously it's eating you up inside," Naruto continued, oblivious to the danger his current words were leading him. "Just say it so we can get this-" He was cut off by warm lips against his own.
Naruto's mouth opened in surprise and Sasuke took advantage of that to slid his tongue in, exploring the depths of the blond's mouth. Naruto moaned, almost by reflex as his mind sought to catch up with these unexpected events; Sasuke was kissing him! It was . . . . unbelievably good. Naruto moaned much more appreciatively and he felt Sasuke give a hum of approval.
Rational thought abandoned, Naruto pulled the Uchiha closer to him, and felt Sasuke shiver under his touch. His fingers twisted in dark hair as their tongues entwined, and Sasuke's hands had dropped down to his hips, clutching the bones tightly enough that Naruto thought there might even be bruises, despite the layer of clothing. Naruto moaned again; Gods it felt so good.
Eventually, they had to draw apart. Sasuke remained close, staring Naruto in the eyes as their breaths mingled. Despite the cold temperature, everything seemed foggy and muggy to Naruto; he could still feel the shadow touches of Sasuke's tongue against his own and Sasuke's lips on his. He noticed that his hand was still entwined in Sasuke's hair and slowly pulled it away.
"What . . . ." his voice sounded husky and kiss-drugged. Naruto cleared his throat in embarrassment. "What was that?" He sounded much more normal then.
"It was a kiss, dobe," Sasuke growled, his voice lower and rougher than usual. Naruto felt a shock of arousal at hearing it. "Do I need to give you a definition?"
"No, but-I mean, you and I-You hate me!" Naruto blurted out.
"I don't hate you," Sasuke said, and his eyes softened a bit. "I like you." His hand went up to touch Naruto's cheek and the blond leaned into the touch before he realized what he was doing.
"I hate you," Naruto said, but his voice was doubtful and Sasuke heard it.
"No you don't," he said calmly. Then he smirked, and having it so close to his face after that amazing kiss did strange things to Naruto's libido. "You want me."
Naruto spluttered. "I-what-I do not want you!" he protested. Sasuke's smirk widened.
"You've wanted me since you first saw me," he continued smugly. "I know I'm irresistible, but that's new even for me."
"Why you arrogant ass-" Naruto started, but was interrupted by a kiss. "Wait a second, don't think that'll distract-" he was interrupted again and Naruto could feel his annoyance growing weaker. "Bastard-" he growled into another kiss, but then he didn't feel like arguing anymore. He drew Sasuke closer and felt a burst of happiness as the Uchiha accepted the intimacy easily.
"Do you really want this Sasuke?" Naruto asked when they drew apart. "I mean, I don't do one-night stands. If this is just sex to you . . . ."
Something flashed in Sasuke's eyes. "It's not just sex," he said firmly.
Naruto smiled with something like wonder; his track record with relationships was horrible, and they ended up just wanting him for sex. A small part of him wondered if that was all Sasuke wanted to, but in the end it was a very small part. It had been a long time since he'd been with anyone for longer than a month. Despite their differences . . . Naruto thought he could take a leap of faith. Just this once, he would trust and see where it took him. Sasuke was all he'd ever wanted in a partner, and they seemed to feel the same about each other. Naruto just needed . . . to have faith.
"Okay," he murmured, pulling Sasuke in for a kiss. "Let's go upstairs," he murmured against his lips and felt more than saw Sasuke grin.
Neji watched Naruto poke at his dinner sparingly, barely taking a bite out it. He frowned and looked over at Shikamaru, who met his stare boldly. They were both thinking the same thing; something wasn't right with Naruto. Shikamaru raised his eyebrows in question and Neji nodded tensely. He loved his best friend very dearly; he couldn't let this continue. Shikamaru stared at him for a moment before nodding back slowly in return.
They waited until dinner had finished. Everyone else had gone upstairs and Naruto was just preparing to leave.
"Naruto," Neji called. "Can we talk for a moment?"
Naruto looked at him with tired eyes. Neji's heart tightened; Naruto's eyes weren't meant to look like that. "I just want to go to sleep, Neji," he said plaintively. "Can't this wait until tomorrow?"
"No," Shikamaru said quietly. Naruto started, as if he hadn't noticed the brunet was still in the room. "We need to talk, Naruto."
Naruto stared at them both before his eyes widened with comprehension. A smile slid onto his face, but Neji knew that it was forced. "What is it guys?"
"Naruto . . . ." Neji started, unsure of how to say what he needed to say.
"What's wrong with you?" Shikamaru finished when it seemed like Neji was lost for words. Neji sent him a glare; he hadn't wanted to be so blunt about it.
Naruto gave them a perfectly executed confused look. "What're you talking about? I'm fine!" His fake smile widened.
"Naruto," Neji said gently, "you're not fine. We can both tell so can you please . . . drop the pretense?"
Naruto smiled at them for several more moments before it slowly dropped as he noticed neither of them were buying it. Without the smile, Naruto seemed much more tired and completely fragile. Neji hadn't seen him look like that since high school.
"What's going on with you, Naruto?" Neji questioned quietly. "You show up wearing that," he gestured to the new look, "not that it looks bad on you, it's just . . . you never cared about clothes before. And you keep wearing fake smiles and you never talk about anything anymore . . . ."
"Look, nothing's wrong, okay," Naruto said sharply. "I'm fine. Can't we just leave it at that?"
"We could," Shikamaru said, "if you were fine. But you're not."
Naruto ran a hand through his hair. "Can't you guys just leave it alone?" he asked angrily. "Why do you have to know? It's none of your business!"
"You're our friend Naruto," Neji said firmly. "Of course it's our business."
Naruto stared at them for a long moment. Neji almost started to hope that he might actually share what was bothering him, but then Naruto's lips tightened and he looked away. Neji's heart fell; he knew that look. Shikamaru looked over at him; apparently he knew it too.
"I'm tired," Naruto said tightly. "I'm gonna head to bed now." He marched out of the door before either of them could stop him. Neji stared at the door with sad eyes.
"Why won't he tell us?" he murmured, sitting down heavily at the table. Shikamaru sighed.
"He doesn't want us to know," he said. "You know how Naruto is; he doesn't want anyone to be troubled by him. And . . . he might be ashamed."
"Ashamed of what?" Neji demanded. "I just want to help him. So help my God, if anyone's hurt him-!" Neji cut himself off, breathing out heavily through his nose as he tried to control his temper. He'd been Naruto's friend since he was fourteen years old, and his self-proclaimed protector for just as long; the thought of anyone hurting his friend was enough to send him into a protective frenzy.
"I think someone did hurt him," Shikamaru said thoughtfully. Neji's shoulders tensed.
"Who do you think it was?" he demanded. Shikamaru was a master observer; Neji had seen him make guesses on people's lives from the way they walked. If anyone could guess at who was making Naruto distressed, it would be him. Shikamaru paused for a moment, his eyes narrowing in thought.
"It's either one of the Sabakus," he said slowly, "or Uchiha. Remember when Naruto got here? He tensed around Uchiha all the time and then would force himself to relax. He . . . doesn't trust him. And he doesn't trust Temari and Gaara Sabaku either; he tenses around them too."
"He didn't even known Temari and Gaara before a few days ago," Neji said, "which would mean . . . ."
"Whatever's happening, Uchiha's involved," Shikamaru finished grimly. Neji's nostrils flared angrily.
"If he's doing anything to harm Naruto," he said lowly, "I'll kill him." Sasuke may have been his friend, but Naruto was like his brother. God help the Uchiha if he'd harmed a blond hair on his head.
Shikamaru didn't say anything to protest that. If anything, he looked rather like he'd rather do the same thing himself.
Naruto had retreated to the deck. That place was a source of pain for him, where memories haunted him everywhere, but it was always the place he went to when he needed to be alone. He sat on the wood and put his head in his hands. Why did Neji and Shikamaru have to know him so well?
He curled into himself; he couldn't tell them. What would they think of him, loving a man who was engaged? They'd be disgusted with how weak he was, letting Sasuke come in and take his heart and smash it under his foot without a protest. They'd be even more disgusted with how much he still felt for the man despite everything that had happened. Sometimes . . . . Most of the time, Naruto was ashamed of himself. He should be stronger than this; pining for an engaged man he couldn't have was something reserved for weak girls in movies. He wasn't like that.
But he couldn't change it. Sasuke drew him in, he would always draw him in . . . . And Naruto was powerless to stop him, whether or not he was engaged. But obviously, Sasuke didn't care for him anymore. At dinner he'd hovered over Temari, showering her with all the love and affection an Uchiha can show. Naruto had tried to ignore it, but his eyes always went back to them. He'd reflected bitterly on how nice of a couple they'd made; a couple in contrasts, despite their similar eye colors. Temari was beautiful and Sasuke was strikingly handsome, they were both smart and fairly wealthy and knew their way around a business; when they were married, they'd be a dream pair.
Naruto always wondered what it would been like if Sasuke had never dumped him. Would they have worked out? Naruto liked to think they would've, but what did he know? Maybe, in the end they would've broken up anyways. But then at least . . . he would've had a choice in it. He wouldn't have been dumped like yesterday's news without so much as a by-your-life. He wouldn't have been made to feel . . . .
"What, you thought I loved you? Please. You were a good lay, and that was it. There's nothing else to it."
. . . completely worthless. Worse than garbage. Naruto smiled bitterly.
"Uzumaki."
Naruto uncurled himself and looked over at Gaara, who had appeared on the deck behind him. He found that he couldn't be surprised that the red-head had showed up.
"Gaara," he said flatly. Gaara knew . . . . he'd seen everything. Naruto didn't need to pretend to be happy, not in front of this man who'd already seen him vulnerable and broken. Naruto felt a flush build up in his cheeks at the very thought of everything that Gaara knew about him.
"Tell me something about yourself," he said abruptly. A pale eyebrow rose. "To . . . even the playing field," Naruto clarified. When Gaara didn't speak, his mouth trembled a bit. "Please," he said softly.
Gaara's eyes softened and he tilted his head to considering. "My mother died giving birth to me," he said a long moments of silence. Naruto had drooped, thinking that Gaara would never answer him, but he straightened in surprise at receiving this bit of news. "My father hated me for it."
Naruto's face softened in sympathy. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. Gaara blinked at him.
"Why?" he asked. Naruto frowned at him with confusion. "Why are you sorry?"
"Because it's a horrible thing, to have a parent hate you," Naruto answered immediately. "Why wouldn't I be sorry?"
Gaara considered this. "Then . . . I am also . . . sorry," he said word as if he was testing it, unsure of the weight of it.
"For what?" Naruto asked, puzzled.
"For whatever went wrong with Uchiha." Naruto tensed instantly, curling into himself a bit.
"Can we not talk about that?" he asked tightly. Gaara considered him for a moment.
"Alright," he agreed. He strode forward and took a seat next to Naruto. He looked straight ahead as he said, "What do you wish to talk about?"
Naruto sighed. "I don't even know," he said, a little tearfully. There was a pause. "Do you like Christmas, Gaara?" Naruto whispered.
Gaara considered this question seriously. "I am indifferent to it," he said finally. Naruto looked at him incredulously.
"You're indifferent!" he said. "How can you be indifferent to Christmas! Are you Jewish or something?" He eyed Gaara suspiciously. Gaara cocked an eyebrow at him.
"No," he said seriously, "though I do not see how that would affect my opinion of Christmas."
Naruto shrugged. "Well, I didn't figure you could be Christian and dislike Christmas," he explained.
"I do not dislike it," Gaara corrected. "I am indifferent."
"I just don't understand that," Naruto said. "Christmas . . . is magical. The hymns and the stories and the candles and presents and trees . . . . there's something special about this time of year, you know? It seems like anything can happen during Christmas . . . ." Naruto's eyes were dreamy. "I love this time of year. Not just Christmas, but winter in general . . . it's so beautiful. Icy but . . . ." He shook his head. "But you don't want to hear that." He sounded almost embarrassed.
Gaara looked down at him. "I must confess I did not think winter would be your favorite season," he said quietly. "I suspected summer."
Naruto laughed. "Because I'm so sunny, right?" he asked, a little amused. Gaara inclined his head. "Nope, sorry to disappoint."
"I am not disappointed," Gaara said. "Though I must confess I am partial to spring myself."
"Why?" Naruto asked, innocently curious.
Gaara hesitated, almost embarrassed to confess this part of himself. Gaara had kept his emotions so intensely folded in that spreading them out felt too intimate, as if he was baring a part of himself that he shouldn't. But . . . he'd seen Uzumaki Naruto at his worst and most vulnerable. He felt a connection with the blond and some small part of him whispered, it will be alright to share yourself with him. He will understand.
"Everything is new," Gaara said finally. "Things are born in spring. It is a time when life is at its strongest. I find myself . . . fascinated by that."
"You sound like you shouldn't be," Naruto commented. Gaara looked at him. "Fascinated by it," he clarified. Gaara's brow furrowed faintly.
"My father always told me to be emotionless," he said. "Emotions are for the weak."
"Bullshit," Naruto said empathetically. Gaara looked at him with surprise. "Emotions are power Gaara. They make us who we are, give us the strength to do things we wouldn't normally do . . . . A power of a mother's love is worth ten times more than any machine in existence. I believe that . . . and you should too."
"But why do you believe that?" Gaara asked, confused. "Considering . . . ." he cut himself off before he could discuss what Naruto expressly had said he didn't want to talk about.
Naruto smiled bitterly. "Considering where my love for Sasuke has taken me?" Something ugly twisted in Gaara's gut at hearing Naruto talk about his love for Uchiha, but he nodded. "Emotions can hurt you just as much as they can help you . . . . But I think the good outweighs the bad. I may be hurting because I'm in love with Sasuke . . . but I would rather feel this than nothing at all. No matter how much it seems otherwise some days," he added in, a touch wryly.
"Your friends are worried about you," Gaara said before he could stop himself. Naruto looked up at him with confusion.
"How did you-?"
"I . . . overheard your conversation."
"You eavesdropped?" Naruto asked, surprised and a little hurt.
"I was passing by the door," Gaara explained. "I heard voices and stopped to determine who was speaking. Once I heard the subject of the conversation . . . ."
"It made you stop and listen," Naruto finished bitterly. "I don't blame you; what's more interesting than a damaged freak like me?"
Gaara glared at him. "Do not call yourself such things," he said severely. Naruto looked down at his knees stubbornly.
"Why not?" he asked. "I am."
A hand caught his chin and forced him to look into Gaara's eyes. Gaara looked at his face searchingly. "You believe that," Gaara said and shook his head, releasing Naruto's chin. It felt strangely warm and Naruto rubbed at it thoughtfully. "You are many things, Uzumaki . . . but you are not a freak."
"Why do you call me that?" Naruto asked. "Uzumaki?"
Gaara's brow furrowed. "We have only known each other for a few days," he said, "it would be improper to call you by your first name."
Naruto smiled. "And are you always proper, Gaara?" he asked, a little teasingly. Gaara tensed and frowned.
"There is nothing wrong-" he started, but Naruto cut him off.
"Oh stop, I was just kidding. Look, you can call me Naruto, alright? Does it make it proper if I allow it?"
Gaara considered this. "Yes . . . . Naruto," he conceded. Naruto beamed up at him.
"Good!" Gaara offered a tentative lip quirk of his own. Naruto's smile brightened in response.
"I'm glad you're here Gaara," he said. "It's nice to have someone who . . . understands." Naruto's eyes drifted back to the stars. Gaara watched him.
"Yes," he murmured to himself. "It is nice, isn't it."
Continued