Untitled
The tears burns as they roll down my face. My throat feels as if its been ripped in half, exposed to the air. I look ugly, I know I do. Hair falling in my face, red and running nose, features of my face pushed together until they look like one knot. None of it matters.
I push my face into the carpet. Somehow, I've fallen to my hands and knees. The floor hasn't been cleaned in God knows how long. Doesn't matter. I breathe deeply and open my mouth to let another cry out. A cry of despair, a cry of lonliness, a cry of emptiness- it's all the same. I need to cry. The tears continue to fall, faster and faster, but they can't burn my face anymore. They can only fall to the carpet and land harmlessly there.
Footsteps lead away from me. My heart feels like it's being torn in two. I want to cry, want to rage, want to scream. I hold back one of the three. I moan, rock back and forth, and I don't stop the feelings that wash over me. I'm trying to be honest with myself. I'm too honest with myself. It hurts. A door closes and locks me out. I'm alone, I haven't felt this alone in a long time. I hate being alone.
I manage to get to my feet, but I walk with a tremor, my arms wrapped around myself, as if trying to keep the warmth of someone else's arms encircling me. Make it to the door of my room, turn the knob, and collapse inside.
Does it hurt him to know that I cry this hard? Does it bother him that I feel the way that I feel? Am I just an annoyance, something easily pushed away and forgotten?
I don't want to think. Thinking hurts, and it only leads to more honestly.
I can't stop moaning and crying. The tears themselves stop, but the crying doesn't.
And instead of thinking, I sit down at my computer and write nine simple words that form a sentence.
"The tears burns as they roll down my face"....
I push my face into the carpet. Somehow, I've fallen to my hands and knees. The floor hasn't been cleaned in God knows how long. Doesn't matter. I breathe deeply and open my mouth to let another cry out. A cry of despair, a cry of lonliness, a cry of emptiness- it's all the same. I need to cry. The tears continue to fall, faster and faster, but they can't burn my face anymore. They can only fall to the carpet and land harmlessly there.
Footsteps lead away from me. My heart feels like it's being torn in two. I want to cry, want to rage, want to scream. I hold back one of the three. I moan, rock back and forth, and I don't stop the feelings that wash over me. I'm trying to be honest with myself. I'm too honest with myself. It hurts. A door closes and locks me out. I'm alone, I haven't felt this alone in a long time. I hate being alone.
I manage to get to my feet, but I walk with a tremor, my arms wrapped around myself, as if trying to keep the warmth of someone else's arms encircling me. Make it to the door of my room, turn the knob, and collapse inside.
Does it hurt him to know that I cry this hard? Does it bother him that I feel the way that I feel? Am I just an annoyance, something easily pushed away and forgotten?
I don't want to think. Thinking hurts, and it only leads to more honestly.
I can't stop moaning and crying. The tears themselves stop, but the crying doesn't.
And instead of thinking, I sit down at my computer and write nine simple words that form a sentence.
"The tears burns as they roll down my face"....