So you've just started 6th grade. Congratulations. Enjoy it, because those people you call friends are going to realize that, come middle school, the cliques that form high school are going to be in desperate need of formation. And unfortunately, you become the semi-alpha male of the Outsiders/Misfits/Those-Who-Don't-Fit-In-Anywhere-Else. T.J. will lead the Academics. None of the girls you know now will speak to you ever again, with the exception of Patricia and Beth. Adam will lead the Preps (a.k.a. The Popular Crowd), with Jason T. as his beta. In middle school, you will meet Robby and Travis. Trust them. They will be friends until you are my age; and trust me, by now you need them.
High school. This segment could be a long one. You've pretty much settled into your role as Outsider, but there have sprung offshoots with their own alphas. Make friends with all of them as they will become part of you whether you want them to or not. The Goths, The Band Nerds, and The Punks ARE YOUR FRIENDS. Teachers to trust: Gates-McCarthy, Stepp, Millard, Peacock, Diaz, both Gordons, Carter, and your AP English teachers. As much as you and everyone you know will come to despise him, Tom Lohman is (for the most part) your friend. Jason Figg on the other hand is not. While he will shelter you in the future, but he will repeatedly screw you over in ways that no friend should. DO NOT TRUST HIM AND DO NOT BELIEVE HIM. HE WILL FUCK YOU! Trust Scott instead. Oh, take more art classes.
Still High school. I know you're gonna ask me about relationships now, and there's only so much I can tell you. You won't date. At least until you graduate. But you can change that if you'd like. You have many options that will become serious points of mental frustration later on once you realize that certain young women had a crushes on you also. DO NOT IGNORE KELLY (Freshman English. You'll understand once you get there). Montine is better off as a friend. Hook up Montine and Snow (They will both disagree with me on this point in the future). Trust your gut and ignore Jess. Forget about Christina; she's too much of a bitch and cares mostly only for herself.
Now for college. If you are anything like I remember, my advice has fallen on deaf ears because you must always learn the hard way. I understand; you're still somewhat the same in that respect. If you only follow one thing I say, may it be this: WHEN JASON CALLS YOUR NAME OUTSIDE COOPER HALL, KEEP WALKING!!! This will save you unbelievable amounts of not only money, but heartache and sanity.
In case you still didn't listen, here's some advice for the trip. Do not be afraid to loose you mind, but remember to protect your sanity. Say hello to The Cat when you meet him. Study the language of the body, it will help you more than you imagine. Sing at the Blueberry Patch if you remember your blindfold. Seth is your friend. Do not choose the couch over The Mock Turtle's bed, simply impose limitations. Have sex with Anne. Happy Fourth of July. Have sex with Sarah. Merry Christmas. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH CHERYL. Happy New Year's. When Jason says to stop, remember that you have him pinned and beat him until he wets himself. Will is your friend through most of this, but he'll wind up on Jason's side. Don't leave Red Lobster for Moe's. Don't date Leesa. Get all the tattoos you want; I currently have four and will probably end up with more. When it comes to drugs, trust your instincts. When it comes to alcohol, cut your instincts in half. The only good Jenn will bring is a beautiful passage of prose and Harp. Remember your eyes and ears.
Now, concerning "The Incident". Go to the shrinks anyways, they'll help. It was Cheryl's, Jason's, and Jess' fault; in that order. Remember that Jason planned it. Remember that no matter what they say, you did The Right Thing. Steal whatever you want of theirs when you leave; they've already stolen from you and you'll eventually find this out and be enormously pissed about it.
The Aftermath. Retain hope, it'll keep you sane at your worst moments. Remember WHY you got your tattoos. Be yourself (completely, and unguardedly so) around the band. Trust me.
So you've just started 6th grade. Congratulations. Enjoy it, because those people you call friends are going to realize that, come middle school, the cliques that form high school are going to be in desperate need of formation. And unfortunately, you become the semi-alpha male of the Outsiders/Misfits/Those-Who-Don't-Fit-In-Anywhere-Else. T.J. will lead the Academics. None of the girls you know now will speak to you ever again, with the exception of Patricia and Beth. Adam will lead the Preps (a.k.a. The Popular Crowd), with Jason T. as his beta. In middle school, you will meet Robby and Travis. Trust them. They will be friends until you are my age; and trust me, by now you need them.
High school. This segment could be a long one. You've pretty much settled into your role as Outsider, but there have sprung offshoots with their own alphas. Make friends with all of them as they will become part of you whether you want them to or not. The Goths, The Band Nerds, and The Punks ARE YOUR FRIENDS. Teachers to trust: Gates-McCarthy, Stepp, Millard, Peacock, Diaz, both Gordons, Carter, and your AP English teachers. As much as you and everyone you know will come to despise him, Tom Lohman is (for the most part) your friend. Jason Figg on the other hand is not. While he will shelter you in the future, but he will repeatedly screw you over in ways that no friend should. DO NOT TRUST HIM AND DO NOT BELIEVE HIM. HE WILL FUCK YOU! Trust Scott instead. Oh, take more art classes.
Still High school. I know you're gonna ask me about relationships now, and there's only so much I can tell you. You won't date. At least until you graduate. But you can change that if you'd like. You have many options that will become serious points of mental frustration later on once you realize that certain young women had a crushes on you also. DO NOT IGNORE KELLY (Freshman English. You'll understand once you get there). Montine is better off as a friend. Hook up Montine and Snow (They will both disagree with me on this point in the future). Trust your gut and ignore Jess. Forget about Christina; she's too much of a bitch and cares mostly only for herself.
Now for college. If you are anything like I remember, my advice has fallen on deaf ears because you must always learn the hard way. I understand; you're still somewhat the same in that respect. If you only follow one thing I say, may it be this: WHEN JASON CALLS YOUR NAME OUTSIDE COOPER HALL, KEEP WALKING!!! This will save you unbelievable amounts of not only money, but heartache and sanity.
In case you still didn't listen, here's some advice for the trip. Do not be afraid to loose you mind, but remember to protect your sanity. Say hello to The Cat when you meet him. Study the language of the body, it will help you more than you imagine. Sing at the Blueberry Patch if you remember your blindfold. Seth is your friend. Do not choose the couch over The Mock Turtle's bed, simply impose limitations. Have sex with Anne. Happy Fourth of July. Have sex with Sarah. Merry Christmas. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH CHERYL. Happy New Year's. When Jason says to stop, remember that you have him pinned and beat him until he wets himself. Will is your friend through most of this, but he'll wind up on Jason's side. Don't leave Red Lobster for Moe's. Don't date Leesa. Get all the tattoos you want; I currently have four and will probably end up with more. When it comes to drugs, trust your instincts. When it comes to alcohol, cut your instincts in half. The only good Jenn will bring is a beautiful passage of prose and Harp. Remember your eyes and ears.
Now, concerning "The Incident". Go to the shrinks anyways, they'll help. It was Cheryl's, Jason's, and Jess' fault; in that order. Remember that Jason planned it. Remember that no matter what they say, you did The Right Thing. Steal whatever you want of theirs when you leave; they've already stolen from you and you'll eventually find this out and be enormously pissed about it.
The Aftermath. Retain hope, it'll keep you sane at your worst moments. Remember WHY you got your tattoos. Be yourself (completely, and unguardedly so) around the band. Trust me.
Love,
Your 21-year-old self
P.S. Trust your instincts after Lollapalooza.
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