My saving grace, is saving face....lost on the back burner.
Why does everything that feels great end so horribly?
I remember thinking as I was driving to work Monday morning that I need to stop being so locked up. I need to start trusting again. I need that friend that I can tell my secrets to. I need to remember that not everyone out there is bad. That there are other people out there other then my aunt who are willing to be there for me.
3 hours into working my aunt calls and says "Jason, I want your shit out of my house tonight. Your uncle is putting it on the lawn right now. Don't you ever fucking lie to me. I never thought would have expected this from you. I dont know what you and your brother have been telling your mother about me or what the fuck is wrong with you two but I'm done with you and I don't ever want you near my family again."
(Insert Tarantino)
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I worked doubles. I was at work from 8am to 11pm. As soon as I got home from work I went straight to bed without talking to anyone. I think that it is pretty obvious that I was dead tired and I needed to get some sleep before work the next day. Well sometime last week(I dont know when it actually happened due to me being at work). Shit hit the fan between my brother and my aunt/grandma/uncle. My brother basically disowned them and my aunts family wanted nothing to do with them.
Now Thursday i came home early and found that everyone was just in quite the mood....they explained their portion of the story(which was missing alot and they kept on avoiding certain parts) and I was completely beside myself. My brother disowning anyone in the family....doesnt make sense. I just went back downstairs to my couch and went to bed. The next day my aunt told me that sara told my aunts friend that my mom "wants her fucking car back". I told my aunt that "it doesnt make sense but i will call my mom on monday to find out for sure". Meanwhile my brother has still not called or anything trying to explain anything that has happened...i was so confused and bothered by the situation that i refused to bring it up all weekend in front of my family and I didnt even want to hear my brothers side of it. Hes lied to me enough to make me know exactly what I'm going to hear.
The weekend went pretty smoothly, other than the fact that my aunt and grandma were cursing my brothers name with everything they could muster. I just avoided all of it...changed subject....i wanted to be neutral...i didnt want anyone mad at me.
Went back to work on monday feeling good. Called my mom and asked her about the car situation. She said "I never said anything like that and I wouldn't. You can have the car for all I care...now that i have the van back, I never want to drive that car again. So, feel free to keep as long as you want" I said "well i figured it wasnt true cause sara has lied to me plenty of times before, but i just wanted to be sure. I'd rather call you and find out first hand then cause anymore of this drama to erupt".
No big deal....everything was back on track and I'm still feeling good.
That's when my aunt calls and lets me have it.
I'm still rather confused about the whole situation. I don't know what my mom said to my aunt. Better yet, I don't even know which one is lying more, My mom or My aunt. Either way I have significant evidence that shows that they both lied to me. I tryed to convince my aunt that I wouldnt do something like that to her and that she was the only one in my whole family that I've ever trusted this much, but she wouldn't let up. Whether she believes me or not, it had to be done either way. There would be no way for me to live there with my mom and my aunt at each others neck.
So now, I'm living on my brothers couch....the one person who started this whole load of bullshit in the first place, because I have no where else to go.
I don't even know what to make of this whole situation. I put ALL of what happened down in this and read it over and over again. This is EVERYTHING that I know and it still is just a bunch of random things thrown together in a blender and what ended up pouring into the glass was "jason's mind" frappe. I've been trying so hard lately to just figure out who, what, where and why all of this happened. I just wanted to be the neutral one. I was just Jason..."that kid who is hear to make us laugh"..."he gets by just fine"..."we'll never have to worry about him". Then within a matter of an hour I became "that kid who fucked us all"..."how many lies, before this"...."DISOWNED".
I still don't even know what was said...
Was my mom jealous that I was growing so close to my aunt?
OR:
Was me staying at my aunts house just a way of my aunt making my mom jealous?
How much of the last 4 months have been lies?
OR:
Was my aunt thinking that I would be as dumb as my brother so she had to find an excuse to get rid of me before it all happened?
Where was I during all of this and why wasn't I able to prevent this from happening?
How many lies were told to me just about this one situation?
How did so much comfort end so quickly?
Was it all worth it?
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED?
What did I do?