(no subject)
I just got back from a nice trip to Florida with the boyfriend and two of his friends. It was fun. I even went to a spa which was amazing.
I'm still not all too sure how the summer is going to be. It looks like I will be working at k-mart, not exactly my dream job, but I definitely need money.
I'm really worried as far as the summer goes with me and Mal. I still can't bring myself to trust him 100%, and I hate that so much. I've been so nosey lately and it has been causing some arguments, which really is the last thing we need right now. Ugh.
I got back into my suite for next year which I am really happy about. That's one less thing I have to worry about.
I've been kind of lost lately, and somewhat depressed. I feel so disconnected from everyone and I can't really figure out how to fit back in. I think I'm starting to realize that I define myself in terms of all the people around. Everything I think about myself are based on what other people say about me or how I assume they feel. I'm not really the person that can make a list of all the things they are, what they're good at, what they like to do. I just feel like I have no idea who I really am. I find this all so funny because that's not how my professors see me at all, and I think that is part of the reason it has taken me so long to realize this about myself. The papers I write for my social work classes always include a section where you explain how things relate to your own life and things like that, and I guess maybe I am just really good at critiquing the way a person is supposed to be and so then I apply it to myself regardless of wheather or not it is truly fitting. When I get my papers back there is always feedback about how good my self concept is and all that, but it's really just not true. I can bullshit my way through anything on paper, but I'm pretty sure all my uncertainty is beginning to show. I'm not really sure what to do to fix this. I feel like so many people just have no idea who they are, but just stick to doing what is expected of them, they stick to all their responsibilities. I just wish I could figure it out.
Anyway, that's enough of that. I should go try and figure out a way to make Mal not be mad at me any more..
I'm still not all too sure how the summer is going to be. It looks like I will be working at k-mart, not exactly my dream job, but I definitely need money.
I'm really worried as far as the summer goes with me and Mal. I still can't bring myself to trust him 100%, and I hate that so much. I've been so nosey lately and it has been causing some arguments, which really is the last thing we need right now. Ugh.
I got back into my suite for next year which I am really happy about. That's one less thing I have to worry about.
I've been kind of lost lately, and somewhat depressed. I feel so disconnected from everyone and I can't really figure out how to fit back in. I think I'm starting to realize that I define myself in terms of all the people around. Everything I think about myself are based on what other people say about me or how I assume they feel. I'm not really the person that can make a list of all the things they are, what they're good at, what they like to do. I just feel like I have no idea who I really am. I find this all so funny because that's not how my professors see me at all, and I think that is part of the reason it has taken me so long to realize this about myself. The papers I write for my social work classes always include a section where you explain how things relate to your own life and things like that, and I guess maybe I am just really good at critiquing the way a person is supposed to be and so then I apply it to myself regardless of wheather or not it is truly fitting. When I get my papers back there is always feedback about how good my self concept is and all that, but it's really just not true. I can bullshit my way through anything on paper, but I'm pretty sure all my uncertainty is beginning to show. I'm not really sure what to do to fix this. I feel like so many people just have no idea who they are, but just stick to doing what is expected of them, they stick to all their responsibilities. I just wish I could figure it out.
Anyway, that's enough of that. I should go try and figure out a way to make Mal not be mad at me any more..