I'm not ready for it....

[unseen_smile]

I had the start of a great day... Woke up relaxed, although last night was for some reason rough for me, chatted with my brother jason and his now fiance Erin =), went out with Stephanie and Alex to see "Rumor Has It..." and hung out with them afterwards, came home, opened gifts from my Jason and Erin, ate dinner, and relaxed.... Then the phone rang, my mom looked at me in a worried way, started talking quitley, and then hung up... They want to talk, they actually called the day after Christmas wanting something from me... He even stopped by earlier this morning while I was a sleep to talk but my Dad actually told him to get off his property... My parents insisted on not telling me, that it wasn't important, that it was nothing. I wanted to know what was going on though. I wanted to know who was on the phone, why my mom was looking at me while talking... When my mom said who it was I barely said a word and I wished I could take back me wanting to know....

He wants to talk about what happened... He wants to talk to me... They want to talk to me... I forget about it, move on, start living again and he enters my life again. Now, I'm shaking, scared, worried, and pretty much dreading the days to come...

Christmas was so perfect... Things were going so well.... Once again, I'm starting to feel how I did last year around this time.

I'm not ready for this....