An Unobserved Observation
Something I've noticed about kids who grew up in the late eighties/early nineties; we have an almost carnal reaction to a green banner on a food product. Think about it, when was the last time you ate something that had a green banner on the label and it actually tasted good? I'm going to say never, and even if you have, I won't return your emails. We invariably associate green with words like fat-free or sugar-free which forms a direct translation to "Tastes like cardboard" in our minds.
But where would any statement like that be without proof? I offer here irrefutable proof of the sad state of our product labeling.
Exhibit A: They may look like crackers, but they really are more like the construction paper you used to play with in grade school. Just puffier and crunchier... and significantly less tasty.
Exhibit B: Can you really even call this remotely "eggy" anymore? Aren't most of what eggs are fat and cholesterol? Thats like making a sofa that was uncomfortable and nailed to the ceiling upside-down.
Exhibit C: SnackWells are among the worst offenders to this rule. Notice how tempting those cookies look despite the fact that the entire box is green. SnackWells make you eat them and then realize later that they really were the idea of something that could've tasted good if it was made with real ingredients.
Exhibit D: Needless to say, this tastes like water... with a hint of food colouring perhaps.
Exhibit E: Guess the impostor.
Exhibit F: The green package not only tells you that this tastes like shit but also that it will make you take a powerful one.
Exhibit G: Note: this means you're triple-screwed. 1, its "carb select" which will mean it has no substance when you eat it. 2, Sugar Free, this will have a flavor which will come back and rape you in your dreams. In a bad way. 3, Miniature. Sweet Jesus, has anything thats "miniature" or worse, "fun-size" ever been a good thing? I say no.
I believe this phenomenon should be known as "Green Banner" syndrome as it automatically correlates with the relative grotieness of the product. I rest my case.
But where would any statement like that be without proof? I offer here irrefutable proof of the sad state of our product labeling.
Exhibit A: They may look like crackers, but they really are more like the construction paper you used to play with in grade school. Just puffier and crunchier... and significantly less tasty.
Exhibit B: Can you really even call this remotely "eggy" anymore? Aren't most of what eggs are fat and cholesterol? Thats like making a sofa that was uncomfortable and nailed to the ceiling upside-down.
Exhibit C: SnackWells are among the worst offenders to this rule. Notice how tempting those cookies look despite the fact that the entire box is green. SnackWells make you eat them and then realize later that they really were the idea of something that could've tasted good if it was made with real ingredients.
Exhibit D: Needless to say, this tastes like water... with a hint of food colouring perhaps.
Exhibit E: Guess the impostor.
Exhibit F: The green package not only tells you that this tastes like shit but also that it will make you take a powerful one.
Exhibit G: Note: this means you're triple-screwed. 1, its "carb select" which will mean it has no substance when you eat it. 2, Sugar Free, this will have a flavor which will come back and rape you in your dreams. In a bad way. 3, Miniature. Sweet Jesus, has anything thats "miniature" or worse, "fun-size" ever been a good thing? I say no.
I believe this phenomenon should be known as "Green Banner" syndrome as it automatically correlates with the relative grotieness of the product. I rest my case.