My head feels like it is going to EXPLODE!!!!
There is so much shit going on in my head right now I don't know what to do. I am stressin about so many different things it is starting to get the best of me. Things arn't that great with me and joe right now, work sucks, my money situation, well there is no money situation cause I have no money. I have way too many bills to pay and everytime I get close to paying them off something else happens. My side has been constantly bothering me lately and no one seems to know what is wrong with me. I feel really lost and kinda sad. I need a change, something different has got to happen in my life. I know I could talk to my friends about this but I feel like they are sick of hearing it. And talking to joe about things, well I know he loves me but I sometimes feel like talking to him does me no good. I tell him things that are bothering me and things I need his help with and he says he understands and that he will help me but when we're done talking thats the end of it. Nothing ever changes, I feel like he just nods and agrees with me but doesnt really listen. You have no idea how lonely it is to live with someone elses family, feeling like you have to constantly make a good impression and never being able to let out any anger in the fear of pissing someone in his family off. I mean the last thing I want is for someone in his family to hate me. So I walk around everyday with a smile on my face even when I want to break down and scream. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. When I call my mom to talk to her about it, she always takes Joe's side and makes me feel like an asshole of a girlfriend. When I talk to most of my friends about it they give me advice, which I appreciate, but you can't really give someone advice about something you have never really experienced.
Since I recently got my brand new tires on my car I have been driving on the express way alot lately and everytime I do, I think to myself, I should just keep driving. Don't get me wrong I love joe so much, but it all seems to routine. I know his every word, everything he is thinking, I can say what he is going to say before he is even going to open his mouth. My whole life is routine. Everything I do everyday can be predicted when I wake up in the morning. I hate that, I want to hang out with someone I dont normally hang out with. I wanna talk to someone, and not know what they are going to say next. I used to be the type of person who hated surprises, I didnt like change at all. And now, sigh. Joe just called, he's on his way home. I gotta go......If you have any idea how I feel, or better yet, are feeling the way Im feeling, lets hang out. I need a change.
Since I recently got my brand new tires on my car I have been driving on the express way alot lately and everytime I do, I think to myself, I should just keep driving. Don't get me wrong I love joe so much, but it all seems to routine. I know his every word, everything he is thinking, I can say what he is going to say before he is even going to open his mouth. My whole life is routine. Everything I do everyday can be predicted when I wake up in the morning. I hate that, I want to hang out with someone I dont normally hang out with. I wanna talk to someone, and not know what they are going to say next. I used to be the type of person who hated surprises, I didnt like change at all. And now, sigh. Joe just called, he's on his way home. I gotta go......If you have any idea how I feel, or better yet, are feeling the way Im feeling, lets hang out. I need a change.