(no subject)
I realize I haven't been myself lately, and I'm sorry for it. I'll be fine, it's nothing I can't get over, but its to a point where I want to give up more than fight. I'm tired of it all, really. I'm tired of being scared everyday, with even my friends. I can't be a normal person, because I'm so scared. And what even worse, is I can't talk about it really to anyone. How much I want to tell people, but I can't, because I can't even think about all of it with out getting the shivers and getting scared. I'm tired of always having to watch my back and have my guard up. Its horrible saying that I'm honestly terrified of some of my friends, and for no real reason. I'm so scared sometimes, that I'm getting myself sick. Well ok, not acctually sick, but feeling sick. anyways.
Plus, I'm getting really jealous that everyone is going off, getting their scheduals, getting their ids, getting everything ready for college and leaving in a month. And I don't get to do that. I've wanted to do it for years now, and I'm stuck here. Like always. I can't stand the thought of that much longer.
Work isn't helping, two jobs that don't want to give me a set schedual at either place. So in that case I don't know how three jobs will work..
I don't know what to do anymore, maybe i'll go read for awhile or something. that seems be working to clear my mind
Plus, I'm getting really jealous that everyone is going off, getting their scheduals, getting their ids, getting everything ready for college and leaving in a month. And I don't get to do that. I've wanted to do it for years now, and I'm stuck here. Like always. I can't stand the thought of that much longer.
Work isn't helping, two jobs that don't want to give me a set schedual at either place. So in that case I don't know how three jobs will work..
I don't know what to do anymore, maybe i'll go read for awhile or something. that seems be working to clear my mind