(no subject)

[unorthodoxqueen]

I just realized how much time has passed since I've written in here. It is now the beginning of a new year and I have yet to change what I meant to change. Theres time yet though. Anyway, I havent spoken to mr. disaster I seem to have written about in all of these entries, hes long gone in my heart I feel like for once in my life and I basically crashed my car and went crazy last time I hung out with him, which is completely awesome...oh wait that doesnt translate as not being what I meant in writing, never mind. So my heart was ready to move forward and be given to someone else, and probably once again get stepped on. I was actually pretty infatuated with someone else recently, who currently has not returned my phone call and probably isn't even thinking about me. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I feel like I deserve something I just simply don't have, and I don't know if it's a sense of entitlement as much as just a sense of self respect that makes me think like this. Aren't there any cute guys who aren't a jerk too out there? D; I give up. I mean seriously, all I really want is what just simply will never be. It's almost like the meaning of life is to suffer until you die, that's what I feel like sometimes. I think it would have been a favor to just let me die. I wouldn't have to witness my life getting worse all the time. I'm almost regressing completely backwards and destroying every step I take so that I can't even move forward anymore unless I rebuild it again, and I don't feel like doing that. I just want to go to sleep. It's all just so useless, so hopeless.

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you really made it
Hey, so glad you could make it now

Oh, look at my face
My name is might have been
My name is never was
My names forgotten

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you really made it
Hey, theres only us left now

When I wake up in my makeup
Its too early for that dress
Wilted and faded somewhere in hollywood
Im glad I came here
With your pound of flesh
No second billing cause youre a star now
Oh, cinderella
They arent sluts like you
Beautiful garbage beautiful dresses
Can you stand up or will you just fall down

You better watch out
What you wish for
It better be worth it
So much to die for

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you really made it
Hey, theres only us left now

When I wake up in my makeup
Have you ever felt so used up as this?
Its all so sugarless
Hooker/waitress/model/actress
Oh, just go nameless
Honeysuckle, shes full of poison
She obliterated everything she kissed
Now shes fading
Somewhere in hollywood