this letter is not for you . . .
Does this letter make me sound needy and pathetic? Cause I can break into his email and delet it before he reads it . . .
Dearest Vang-
I feel so silly writing to you. I can check your email whenever I
want! I feel like I sent a letter to our house rather than Vietnam! I know you
can check this yourself even half way across the world but it still fells
odd. I am writing because every time I hear your voice I burst into tears so
I don't get to say much. I hope your visit is going well. I hope Saigon
is everything you wanted it to be. I hope you are going to every single
New Years Party and making up for lost years. I hope you are seeing old
friends and spending time with family and really having the time of your life.
We miss you but more importantly we want you to be happy.
I have been so silly lately it would make you laugh to see me. When
you are home I always feel like "Oh this will make Vang proud of me!" and then
I get mad at myself because you are not my father so I am not supposed to
make you proud, I am supposed to make you respect me. American girls know
we make men respect us by doing what makes us happy without concern for
how the man feels and then the man respects us for standing up for ourselves.
Or something like that. I never have mastered the idea. :) So I don't do
anything right and make you mad and make myself feel worse in the name
of independence. But you are gone! And I miss you! So I do things I
would never have thought of before. I make the bed every morning before I
wake up the kids. I do laundry almost everyday. I worry about sweeping and
dusting. I even excercise . . . You know why? I want you to come home
and see how nice the house looks and say you are proud of me! But this is
silly because you are not coming home today. In fact you won't be home for
30 more days! I could wait until the day before and clean everything
really fast and you would never know. I could sit at home eating candy and
ice cream smelling like dog poop and let the house fall down around my ears
but meet you at the airport ten minutes after a shower and you wouldn't
know the difference! I thought that was funny and might make you laugh.
I gave out Red Envelopes at Thomas's school yesterday. The kids
thought they were cool but they were too young to really understand. I went
outside to the playground with them also. Thomas and his friend Aiden rolled
down a hill over and over and over. I don't see how this is entertaining but
it must have been cause they kept laughing until they crashed into trees
or other kids! Bich told me you thought Thomas doesn't notice your gone.
You are wrong. Everytime he sees a plane in the sky he tells me Daddy is
on that plane and he yells at the plane "Be careful with my Daddy!"
Yesterday we saw a plane flying really low over the Schnucks. Thomas got really
excited and started screaming my name. "Mama mama! That plane is
flying to our house! We gotta go see Daddy now!" I felt so mean telling him
Daddy isn't home yet. He said maybe the plane took you to Sky High.
Remember that movie? About the superhero kids? Maybe he thinks you will come
home with super powers. We went to the mall (and Sears) on Sunday and this
little kid was walking around with a hat made of long ballooons. Thomas said
really loud "Great Hat!" and that nice boy said Thomas could have it.
He was so proud! While I was writing this letter he came in my room and
he was crying. I asked him if he hurt himself and he said "No, I'm crying
about Daddy. I miss him." I said I miss him too. He said "But I miss him
14!" I told him to go watch a Daddy movie like Tom and Jerry. He said "That
will make me feel better but not 14."
I talk at Sydney Li's classroom today. She is doing really well in
school and her teacher has only nice things to say. But she gets bored at
basketball practice. The games are fun enough for her but now she
ignores the practices completely. She just colors or plays with a toy. Shes
still loves Ron Weasely . You've only been gone a week so there aren't many
changes. It feels like you've been gone forever and the kids will be
all grown up when you return. We went to Denny's with KiKi the other day.
The waiter forgot Sydney Li's french fries and brought grapes instead. He
let us keep the grapes for free but didn't come back with her fries for a
long time. When he came back and layed them on the table Sydney Li said
"OOOh Baby!" The waiter thought she was talking to him and his whole face
got red. It was really funny.
ViVi's teacher still hasn't told me if she wants me to talk about New
Year for her kids or not. If she doesn't I will just send Red Envelopes and
let ViVi tell what they are. She is doing really well in basketball. She
is a lot less shy so she blocks and steals better. Her coach has noticed
the difference I think. Tonight the Probe classes are having a guest
speaker on how to raise a gifted child. I thought it would be to hard to take all
three kids to sit through a lecture but then they offered High school
girls in the classroom next door! They will babysit the kids and come get
the parents if the kids misbehave. It will cost me a dollar per child but
they will be nearby and in a room filled with toys. I couldn't be happier.
Maybe we'll get lucky and the kids will find someone they love and we
could ask if they babysit regularly . . . . just as an emergency number.
I thought about asking KiKi to babysit instead so I could go to the
lecture.
You were right I am babysitting overnight more. She's not making me
feel bad though. I guess she learned a bit about what I can take. Peter
still babysits everytime she works so I don't see much of Lolly. I baby sat
once right after you left and she asked me to babysit on the 11th for the
whole day. She is flying to Chicago to have lunch with one of her regulars
and then flying back home. I said I would do it and I meant it when I said
I thought it would be fun. Its more fun now that I don't do it every
single day, you know? But I got an offer at school to go on a one day trip to
Jefferson city on the 28th. My class gets extra credit if we go and
write a report and its free transportation and lunch provided so I don't need
extra money to go. We are protesting budget cuts for schools and a new bill
to rewrite the scholarship programs for college students. They think a
bus load of college students protesting it is more powerful. We get to sit
in on legislature and everything. It sounds really fascinating! I really
wanna go. Plus it would be a good chance to meet more people my own
age, from my own neighborhood, with some of my interests. I asked KiKi but
she said she would think about it. See, she would have to be here at 7am.
Feed the girls and get them to school. Feed Thomas lunch and get him to
school. Be in the parking lot an hour early to be first in line to pick up the
girls so she could dash over and pick up Thomas on time. Then feed them
snack and maybe dinner if I am not back yet. They couldn't tell me exactly what
time we would be home, it depends on traffic. Jeff City isn't close. I
really wanna go but I need a babysitter who will take care of things. I know
KiKi would have Penelope to deal with and she couldn't just cheat and bring
the kids back to her house because of thier school. I don't kow if I will
get to go but cross your fingers for me. I really want to.
Erica is doing better too. She moved into the duplex! There was some
trouble with the move and some more trouble with the car but she worked
some and has enough money to get back on her feet now. She loves the new
place and has been calling me with all kinds of design ideas. Mr. Roland has
taken to the place as well. I'm happy for her. She said she is
really close to the bus lines so maybe the no car thing won't hurt as bad as
we thought. As long as they don't send her to jail, right? She may not
make a very good jailhouse girlfriend, ha ha.
Your mom inited me over for New Years on Sunday. We were there for a
whole hour before your sister finally came. I was worried they weren't
coming. We don't exactly have a lot to talk about, not speaking the same
language and all. But they fed the kids and we played cards until everybody
else showed up. I got to hold Brittany. She is getting so big! One funny
thing happened. Thortons sister, I forget her name, the oldest one. She
told me she's 30. I think she might have been drunk . . . anyway she sat by me
really close. and kept giggling. She kept telling me how much she
liked me, I was so nice, so pretty. She put her legs in my lap and kept putting
my hand on her lap. I swear if she had been American I would think she
was flirting! Finally after talking to Thorton and the other sister she
tells me she wants me to find her a husband. Someone old, at least forty, american,
someone who can take care of her. (Thorton said she'll take someone
younger if he has some money!) I told her I'd make her a list and let her
know. (I don't know anyone! What was I supposed to say!) She said she likes
how I look and does my Daddy look like me? I said yes but more Italian. She
asked why my Daddy got divorced and I told her he divorced my mom when
I was a baby but his last wife left because she wanted children and he
didn't. She said she definitly doesn't want anymore children. She said she has
a four year old girl in Vietnam. (Did you know that? Why did she leave
her?) She said she likes how I look so she will marry my Daddy. (But I am
not supposed to call her Mom, I can call her Sister. Ha ha ha.) She asked
if I would bring him next Sunday! Of course I called my Dad when we left.
It was too funny not to pass on. He said to tell her he doesn't speak
english. He can be such an ass, (like you!) He said introduce her to Uncle
Robby. I didn't say it to him but I was thinking that probably won't work
since I am pretty sure Uncle Robby is gay. But maybe that would be a good
thing. He could be a good catholic boy and marry a woman and she would never
have to sleep with him . . .What do you think?
Well I guess this letter is really long and you will not read it at
all. But at least know we were thinking about you and we miss you. We love
you. Take good care of yourself and try to remember everything that happens
to you. We wanna know everything!
Love, hugs and kisses,
Jessie
Its just that I'm one of those girls that would write you a letter everyday you are gone and he's one of those boys that says he will be to sad missing us so don't call for at least a week. :(
Dearest Vang-
I feel so silly writing to you. I can check your email whenever I
want! I feel like I sent a letter to our house rather than Vietnam! I know you
can check this yourself even half way across the world but it still fells
odd. I am writing because every time I hear your voice I burst into tears so
I don't get to say much. I hope your visit is going well. I hope Saigon
is everything you wanted it to be. I hope you are going to every single
New Years Party and making up for lost years. I hope you are seeing old
friends and spending time with family and really having the time of your life.
We miss you but more importantly we want you to be happy.
I have been so silly lately it would make you laugh to see me. When
you are home I always feel like "Oh this will make Vang proud of me!" and then
I get mad at myself because you are not my father so I am not supposed to
make you proud, I am supposed to make you respect me. American girls know
we make men respect us by doing what makes us happy without concern for
how the man feels and then the man respects us for standing up for ourselves.
Or something like that. I never have mastered the idea. :) So I don't do
anything right and make you mad and make myself feel worse in the name
of independence. But you are gone! And I miss you! So I do things I
would never have thought of before. I make the bed every morning before I
wake up the kids. I do laundry almost everyday. I worry about sweeping and
dusting. I even excercise . . . You know why? I want you to come home
and see how nice the house looks and say you are proud of me! But this is
silly because you are not coming home today. In fact you won't be home for
30 more days! I could wait until the day before and clean everything
really fast and you would never know. I could sit at home eating candy and
ice cream smelling like dog poop and let the house fall down around my ears
but meet you at the airport ten minutes after a shower and you wouldn't
know the difference! I thought that was funny and might make you laugh.
I gave out Red Envelopes at Thomas's school yesterday. The kids
thought they were cool but they were too young to really understand. I went
outside to the playground with them also. Thomas and his friend Aiden rolled
down a hill over and over and over. I don't see how this is entertaining but
it must have been cause they kept laughing until they crashed into trees
or other kids! Bich told me you thought Thomas doesn't notice your gone.
You are wrong. Everytime he sees a plane in the sky he tells me Daddy is
on that plane and he yells at the plane "Be careful with my Daddy!"
Yesterday we saw a plane flying really low over the Schnucks. Thomas got really
excited and started screaming my name. "Mama mama! That plane is
flying to our house! We gotta go see Daddy now!" I felt so mean telling him
Daddy isn't home yet. He said maybe the plane took you to Sky High.
Remember that movie? About the superhero kids? Maybe he thinks you will come
home with super powers. We went to the mall (and Sears) on Sunday and this
little kid was walking around with a hat made of long ballooons. Thomas said
really loud "Great Hat!" and that nice boy said Thomas could have it.
He was so proud! While I was writing this letter he came in my room and
he was crying. I asked him if he hurt himself and he said "No, I'm crying
about Daddy. I miss him." I said I miss him too. He said "But I miss him
14!" I told him to go watch a Daddy movie like Tom and Jerry. He said "That
will make me feel better but not 14."
I talk at Sydney Li's classroom today. She is doing really well in
school and her teacher has only nice things to say. But she gets bored at
basketball practice. The games are fun enough for her but now she
ignores the practices completely. She just colors or plays with a toy. Shes
still loves Ron Weasely . You've only been gone a week so there aren't many
changes. It feels like you've been gone forever and the kids will be
all grown up when you return. We went to Denny's with KiKi the other day.
The waiter forgot Sydney Li's french fries and brought grapes instead. He
let us keep the grapes for free but didn't come back with her fries for a
long time. When he came back and layed them on the table Sydney Li said
"OOOh Baby!" The waiter thought she was talking to him and his whole face
got red. It was really funny.
ViVi's teacher still hasn't told me if she wants me to talk about New
Year for her kids or not. If she doesn't I will just send Red Envelopes and
let ViVi tell what they are. She is doing really well in basketball. She
is a lot less shy so she blocks and steals better. Her coach has noticed
the difference I think. Tonight the Probe classes are having a guest
speaker on how to raise a gifted child. I thought it would be to hard to take all
three kids to sit through a lecture but then they offered High school
girls in the classroom next door! They will babysit the kids and come get
the parents if the kids misbehave. It will cost me a dollar per child but
they will be nearby and in a room filled with toys. I couldn't be happier.
Maybe we'll get lucky and the kids will find someone they love and we
could ask if they babysit regularly . . . . just as an emergency number.
I thought about asking KiKi to babysit instead so I could go to the
lecture.
You were right I am babysitting overnight more. She's not making me
feel bad though. I guess she learned a bit about what I can take. Peter
still babysits everytime she works so I don't see much of Lolly. I baby sat
once right after you left and she asked me to babysit on the 11th for the
whole day. She is flying to Chicago to have lunch with one of her regulars
and then flying back home. I said I would do it and I meant it when I said
I thought it would be fun. Its more fun now that I don't do it every
single day, you know? But I got an offer at school to go on a one day trip to
Jefferson city on the 28th. My class gets extra credit if we go and
write a report and its free transportation and lunch provided so I don't need
extra money to go. We are protesting budget cuts for schools and a new bill
to rewrite the scholarship programs for college students. They think a
bus load of college students protesting it is more powerful. We get to sit
in on legislature and everything. It sounds really fascinating! I really
wanna go. Plus it would be a good chance to meet more people my own
age, from my own neighborhood, with some of my interests. I asked KiKi but
she said she would think about it. See, she would have to be here at 7am.
Feed the girls and get them to school. Feed Thomas lunch and get him to
school. Be in the parking lot an hour early to be first in line to pick up the
girls so she could dash over and pick up Thomas on time. Then feed them
snack and maybe dinner if I am not back yet. They couldn't tell me exactly what
time we would be home, it depends on traffic. Jeff City isn't close. I
really wanna go but I need a babysitter who will take care of things. I know
KiKi would have Penelope to deal with and she couldn't just cheat and bring
the kids back to her house because of thier school. I don't kow if I will
get to go but cross your fingers for me. I really want to.
Erica is doing better too. She moved into the duplex! There was some
trouble with the move and some more trouble with the car but she worked
some and has enough money to get back on her feet now. She loves the new
place and has been calling me with all kinds of design ideas. Mr. Roland has
taken to the place as well. I'm happy for her. She said she is
really close to the bus lines so maybe the no car thing won't hurt as bad as
we thought. As long as they don't send her to jail, right? She may not
make a very good jailhouse girlfriend, ha ha.
Your mom inited me over for New Years on Sunday. We were there for a
whole hour before your sister finally came. I was worried they weren't
coming. We don't exactly have a lot to talk about, not speaking the same
language and all. But they fed the kids and we played cards until everybody
else showed up. I got to hold Brittany. She is getting so big! One funny
thing happened. Thortons sister, I forget her name, the oldest one. She
told me she's 30. I think she might have been drunk . . . anyway she sat by me
really close. and kept giggling. She kept telling me how much she
liked me, I was so nice, so pretty. She put her legs in my lap and kept putting
my hand on her lap. I swear if she had been American I would think she
was flirting! Finally after talking to Thorton and the other sister she
tells me she wants me to find her a husband. Someone old, at least forty, american,
someone who can take care of her. (Thorton said she'll take someone
younger if he has some money!) I told her I'd make her a list and let her
know. (I don't know anyone! What was I supposed to say!) She said she likes
how I look and does my Daddy look like me? I said yes but more Italian. She
asked why my Daddy got divorced and I told her he divorced my mom when
I was a baby but his last wife left because she wanted children and he
didn't. She said she definitly doesn't want anymore children. She said she has
a four year old girl in Vietnam. (Did you know that? Why did she leave
her?) She said she likes how I look so she will marry my Daddy. (But I am
not supposed to call her Mom, I can call her Sister. Ha ha ha.) She asked
if I would bring him next Sunday! Of course I called my Dad when we left.
It was too funny not to pass on. He said to tell her he doesn't speak
english. He can be such an ass, (like you!) He said introduce her to Uncle
Robby. I didn't say it to him but I was thinking that probably won't work
since I am pretty sure Uncle Robby is gay. But maybe that would be a good
thing. He could be a good catholic boy and marry a woman and she would never
have to sleep with him . . .What do you think?
Well I guess this letter is really long and you will not read it at
all. But at least know we were thinking about you and we miss you. We love
you. Take good care of yourself and try to remember everything that happens
to you. We wanna know everything!
Love, hugs and kisses,
Jessie
Its just that I'm one of those girls that would write you a letter everyday you are gone and he's one of those boys that says he will be to sad missing us so don't call for at least a week. :(