UPDATE 04-02-2013
i find myself breaking under pressure and stress.
bosses at work make me feel inadequate and useless. too much work, too little time, and too many things to look over, so many mistakes i've made because of all of it. they seem to think that i should prioritize their business over my future, the fuckers.
suddenly, i find the friends i chose, might be ones i can't rely on? please no. i hope not. not again. i don't want them to not be true. because i've been true. i've had ones i can't rely on before, those who threw me away when they were finally happy while i wasn't. they left me behind because it wasn't convenient for them anymore. now, again?
parents who chip away at me day and night. work wants me to work first and leave my life for later, so my parents say i should leave work. i want to do what they say, so tempting to leave my work behind, since work treats me so poorly. but somehow, professional pride says i shouldn't. maybe because i'm afraid it might bite back at me one day.
i can't help myself. i have to not show up for work so i can make my life happen. because if i don't, i won't have any life to look forward to. but my bosses get angry at me of course, but then they don't want me to to what i have to do because they want me to finish everything for them first?
i'm getting all sick in the head.
bosses at work make me feel inadequate and useless. too much work, too little time, and too many things to look over, so many mistakes i've made because of all of it. they seem to think that i should prioritize their business over my future, the fuckers.
suddenly, i find the friends i chose, might be ones i can't rely on? please no. i hope not. not again. i don't want them to not be true. because i've been true. i've had ones i can't rely on before, those who threw me away when they were finally happy while i wasn't. they left me behind because it wasn't convenient for them anymore. now, again?
parents who chip away at me day and night. work wants me to work first and leave my life for later, so my parents say i should leave work. i want to do what they say, so tempting to leave my work behind, since work treats me so poorly. but somehow, professional pride says i shouldn't. maybe because i'm afraid it might bite back at me one day.
i can't help myself. i have to not show up for work so i can make my life happen. because if i don't, i won't have any life to look forward to. but my bosses get angry at me of course, but then they don't want me to to what i have to do because they want me to finish everything for them first?
i'm getting all sick in the head.