(no subject)
So much crap has happened in the last three weeks, I can't stand it. Actually, I was rereading my journal entry from the 4th and I found it to be really tragic that I was really happy with my boy situation... and then that night I went by his place and he told me he wanted a break. He 'didn't know what he wanted.'
Well, That was just over 3 weeks ago. During those 3 weeks, much drama happened. I was thinking about putting it all into LJ, but then I remembered how I used to bitch on LJ about my HS bf. I didn't feel much better when I put all my frustrations into words. I'm not going to bother. I'd rather just attempt to move on.
Lets just say that it's been a journey. And I feel that karma has come back and kicked me in the ass so hard.
Something that I've learned about myself is that I really need to find self validation in myself, without the help of the man in my life. I realized I depend on boyfriends to make me feel good about myself. I have a lot of awesome qualities that I don't allow people to see. I give all of my awesome self to the current boyfriend, and when they decide that it's just not what they're looking for in life, I get screwed over emotionally. I question my self worth and lose my identity. It's bad. I really need to learn to express my self in every day life, not just in situations with a boy.
Letting one person get to know the 'real' you and then having that person walk out of your life is heart wrenching. It's too much effort to try and build it all up again with someone new.
Maybe I'm just one of those rare committal types who just tries to make things work more than the average person would. I think I find a sense of pride in overcoming objections. Or maybe I just have the battered housewife syndrome, and I'm scared to take initiative to leave and find someone new.
Oh wait, nothing was wrong.... at least, not on my end. Secrets are fun...
Okay, I've got to stop being bitter.
Another thing I've learned is that when feeling down, you should NEVER just sit alone at home, no matter how much you don't feel like doing anything else. Sitting alone makes you think too much and overanalyize things. You'll just drive yourself crazy.
I'm very thankful for my friends and coworkers in my situation, because they have forced me to go out and have fun and realize that there are other opportunites out there. Also, I have decided to let my frustrations out at the gym, where I have started to go running. I started on the first day of class so that's Last Tuesday, Thursday, Sat, and Yesterday that I went. I feel sore, but good.
Well, That was just over 3 weeks ago. During those 3 weeks, much drama happened. I was thinking about putting it all into LJ, but then I remembered how I used to bitch on LJ about my HS bf. I didn't feel much better when I put all my frustrations into words. I'm not going to bother. I'd rather just attempt to move on.
Lets just say that it's been a journey. And I feel that karma has come back and kicked me in the ass so hard.
Something that I've learned about myself is that I really need to find self validation in myself, without the help of the man in my life. I realized I depend on boyfriends to make me feel good about myself. I have a lot of awesome qualities that I don't allow people to see. I give all of my awesome self to the current boyfriend, and when they decide that it's just not what they're looking for in life, I get screwed over emotionally. I question my self worth and lose my identity. It's bad. I really need to learn to express my self in every day life, not just in situations with a boy.
Letting one person get to know the 'real' you and then having that person walk out of your life is heart wrenching. It's too much effort to try and build it all up again with someone new.
Maybe I'm just one of those rare committal types who just tries to make things work more than the average person would. I think I find a sense of pride in overcoming objections. Or maybe I just have the battered housewife syndrome, and I'm scared to take initiative to leave and find someone new.
Oh wait, nothing was wrong.... at least, not on my end. Secrets are fun...
Okay, I've got to stop being bitter.
Another thing I've learned is that when feeling down, you should NEVER just sit alone at home, no matter how much you don't feel like doing anything else. Sitting alone makes you think too much and overanalyize things. You'll just drive yourself crazy.
I'm very thankful for my friends and coworkers in my situation, because they have forced me to go out and have fun and realize that there are other opportunites out there. Also, I have decided to let my frustrations out at the gym, where I have started to go running. I started on the first day of class so that's Last Tuesday, Thursday, Sat, and Yesterday that I went. I feel sore, but good.