Live
I made a decision the other day. I need to live. I need to actually live my life and not let it pass me by. And by living I mainly mean actually do my homework and everything. I have to actually work. I can't stay in bed all the time.
On that note of irony, I am sitting in bed watching a movie and skipping church. I didn't wake up in time because I stayed up late reading Vogue. I was all wound up because I went to a dance and drank a giant sugar-free Red Bull. I danced so much. It was wonderful!!! I was a little self conscious, but I tried not to care.
Update from the other day: I purged on Friday morning. I got really stressed because of the damn pharmacy so I bought two donuts (one was really big) and an energy drink. I debated and debated about purging and decided to purge when I got home. I purged and got in the bath. I sat and read my Food in Tibetan Life book for quite a while. I went to school and worked on a paper and studied with a friend/classmate. I talked to her about stress and life and my ED and purging that morning. She listened so well. And didn't judge or anything. Her name is Kylie. And you know what she said? She likes that I take a genuine interest in her and ask about her life and stuff. She said that sometimes other people don't seem to take an genuine interest in her. I told her that of course I take an interest in her!!! I really enjoy her company. And she's really smart so I love studying with her too.
I also talked with Chelsey. I was confused because I felt so calm after I purged whereas the night before when I didn't purge I was ball of nerves. So I thought I needed my bulimia. I feel like I always complain when I talk to her. It frustrates me and I worry that I frustrate her too so I continuously apologize. But she tells me not to. I explained why I continually apologize. I feel so bad for always talking to her about my frustrations because she's newly married and is so pretty and seems so happy. And I'm not so I worry that I bug her. I told her I even bought laxatives. But with some convincing I threw them away. Sometimes I feel like a child because I screw up and go to her and confess. Then I complain of how hard everything is. And she helps convince me to continue trying.
Later that night (Friday night), I took a shower and thought everything over and that's when I decided to live and work hard in school. So yesterday I spent many hours on campus working on a group paper and an abstract. Then I read for my foodservice systems paper. Today I'm going to work hard on my India paper because it needs a lot of work. And hopefully I can work on my foodservice systems paper and maybe study for a test. I have a lot to do this week. What a better time to start working hard??
But first!!! I'm going to take a shower. And eat an orange in the shower because I hear it's the thing to do.
On that note of irony, I am sitting in bed watching a movie and skipping church. I didn't wake up in time because I stayed up late reading Vogue. I was all wound up because I went to a dance and drank a giant sugar-free Red Bull. I danced so much. It was wonderful!!! I was a little self conscious, but I tried not to care.
Update from the other day: I purged on Friday morning. I got really stressed because of the damn pharmacy so I bought two donuts (one was really big) and an energy drink. I debated and debated about purging and decided to purge when I got home. I purged and got in the bath. I sat and read my Food in Tibetan Life book for quite a while. I went to school and worked on a paper and studied with a friend/classmate. I talked to her about stress and life and my ED and purging that morning. She listened so well. And didn't judge or anything. Her name is Kylie. And you know what she said? She likes that I take a genuine interest in her and ask about her life and stuff. She said that sometimes other people don't seem to take an genuine interest in her. I told her that of course I take an interest in her!!! I really enjoy her company. And she's really smart so I love studying with her too.
I also talked with Chelsey. I was confused because I felt so calm after I purged whereas the night before when I didn't purge I was ball of nerves. So I thought I needed my bulimia. I feel like I always complain when I talk to her. It frustrates me and I worry that I frustrate her too so I continuously apologize. But she tells me not to. I explained why I continually apologize. I feel so bad for always talking to her about my frustrations because she's newly married and is so pretty and seems so happy. And I'm not so I worry that I bug her. I told her I even bought laxatives. But with some convincing I threw them away. Sometimes I feel like a child because I screw up and go to her and confess. Then I complain of how hard everything is. And she helps convince me to continue trying.
Later that night (Friday night), I took a shower and thought everything over and that's when I decided to live and work hard in school. So yesterday I spent many hours on campus working on a group paper and an abstract. Then I read for my foodservice systems paper. Today I'm going to work hard on my India paper because it needs a lot of work. And hopefully I can work on my foodservice systems paper and maybe study for a test. I have a lot to do this week. What a better time to start working hard??
But first!!! I'm going to take a shower. And eat an orange in the shower because I hear it's the thing to do.