Oh yeah....
I talked to Ashley about the whole situation with Jake and Talia. She brought up a really good point: Talia probably talked to Jake about what she's going through and may not have asked for help, but may have. I don't talk to Jake and Tal about my problems or ask for help. Sometimes I talk to Talia and that always helps. I just assume that they know when I'm down and should ask if I want help. But they're not mind readers. If I really want they're help I should talk to them and ask. I don't have to ask directly, but at least talk to them. I told Ashley that it's really hard for me to talk to someone about my depression. How do I describe the debilitating darkness that is depression? The absolute desire to do nothing, but cry and hurt and die? I don't know how to tell that to someone. But maybe I could try a little. I know they'd help me if I wanted it.
When I had that mindset it made the rest of the weekend go well. Also, we were in groups of friends and not just the three or four of us. I also remembered that they're not doing it to bother me. And some of it is because I haven't talked to them about my problems. So it's some of my fault. I almost apologized for Saturday night (I got really upset and walked to my friend's apt at 11pm), but I don't want to bring it up again when things are going so well.
Tomorrow I'm going to talk to my field study program director. I'm going to talk to her about my project, but my main objective is to talk about my depression. I'm really worried that I'll get to India and get reallllllly depressed and do something awful (like jump off a cliff). I'm going to take 4 months of my medication with me so that will be good, but I'm still worried. I want to know what other students in the past have done. I hope they don't kick me out.
My roommate is listening to Taylor Swift and singing along with the music. Lately I haven't liked Taylor Swift. She's been getting on my nerves and all the songs are the same. Love, love, love, love, fight, make up, love.
In better news.........MY TOMS CAME IN THE MAIL!!!!!! I love them :) I'm wearing them right now. They're slate colored and a tad tight, but not too bad. And they're really comfortable. I'm so happy they came today :)
When I had that mindset it made the rest of the weekend go well. Also, we were in groups of friends and not just the three or four of us. I also remembered that they're not doing it to bother me. And some of it is because I haven't talked to them about my problems. So it's some of my fault. I almost apologized for Saturday night (I got really upset and walked to my friend's apt at 11pm), but I don't want to bring it up again when things are going so well.
Tomorrow I'm going to talk to my field study program director. I'm going to talk to her about my project, but my main objective is to talk about my depression. I'm really worried that I'll get to India and get reallllllly depressed and do something awful (like jump off a cliff). I'm going to take 4 months of my medication with me so that will be good, but I'm still worried. I want to know what other students in the past have done. I hope they don't kick me out.
My roommate is listening to Taylor Swift and singing along with the music. Lately I haven't liked Taylor Swift. She's been getting on my nerves and all the songs are the same. Love, love, love, love, fight, make up, love.
In better news.........MY TOMS CAME IN THE MAIL!!!!!! I love them :) I'm wearing them right now. They're slate colored and a tad tight, but not too bad. And they're really comfortable. I'm so happy they came today :)