I wish I was dead
I feel abit less then human again. Again, there was a blowout, but this time, somehow the focus went to me. Apparently I'm a devil child of some sort. I am supposed to play peacemaker to the family and am not mature enough to do so., and that I think myself to be perfect and am so judgemental, he doesn't know where I get it from.
ALSO, he accused me on the fact that for years, he's seen me sneaking around, taking pills of some sort and numerous things back and forth from my room out of my purse. For years. Amazing, he say's i'm so far from perfect, I have no right to judge anyone. This is my father saying this to me. More specifically, to my mother and my aunt as if I'm not there. I wish I was dead right now.
My god, how can my own blood make me feel so bad about myself. I've been a reasonably good daughter, I've never snuck out, never taken drugs or smoked, yet at 19 years old, I am accused of it, by someone who is SURE they've seen me do it. I couldn't even believe he went that far. I don't even want my mom to see me cry, I don't want to let him know that what he says to me has any effect on me at all, I want to hate him as much as possible, and still I can't help but cry. My own father has put me down so unbelievably much, and he thinks he can do no wrong.
ALSO, he accused me on the fact that for years, he's seen me sneaking around, taking pills of some sort and numerous things back and forth from my room out of my purse. For years. Amazing, he say's i'm so far from perfect, I have no right to judge anyone. This is my father saying this to me. More specifically, to my mother and my aunt as if I'm not there. I wish I was dead right now.
My god, how can my own blood make me feel so bad about myself. I've been a reasonably good daughter, I've never snuck out, never taken drugs or smoked, yet at 19 years old, I am accused of it, by someone who is SURE they've seen me do it. I couldn't even believe he went that far. I don't even want my mom to see me cry, I don't want to let him know that what he says to me has any effect on me at all, I want to hate him as much as possible, and still I can't help but cry. My own father has put me down so unbelievably much, and he thinks he can do no wrong.