I need advice
Today, I seriously considered ending a friendship - a matter which I don't take lightly. In theory my friends are so carefully chosen that I should seldom find myself in this position. They should be rational, patient, compassionate - all the things I look for in a friend. They should, again in theory, NEVER make me feel the way I feel right now.
Friends will compete. Friends will fight. Friends will betray. Friends will even lie. All of this, I expect and accept. No one's perfect. All I ask is for love, consideration and, when necessary, an apology. None of this sounds unreasonable to me.
This failing friend of mine, however, is focused solely on his on skewed perception of reality. Enraged by a fun-house reflection of the world, he bellows his opinions with the force and fervor of divine judgement. My own differing opinion, based merely on common sense, is "disgusting" to him. And yet, despite this dismissal, I listened today for four hours as he threw a raging tantrum of infantile proportions here in my home, over a (very slight) slight that occurred over a month ago and which has since been apologized for ad infinitum.
Now, if this were the first time I'd endured this same tantrum OR if I were at least the person who "wronged" him, I might be a little more sympathetic, but no, neither case is true. It's not even true that this is first time I've witnessed this behavior. This friend of mine has what Austen would call delicate sensibilities, and when those sensibilities are offended (which is common), he always takes it personally and his reaction is always one of outrage. The wrath then defines him, eclipsing all else, including friendship.
I'm no psychologist, but based on my knowledge of this individual, which spans several years, I think he's suffering from a cognitive paranoid disorder. I suggested that he consider therapy, anger management if nothing else, but this too was angrily dismissed. He's unwilling to take responsibility for his behavior, you see - everything is the fault of external forces. Just ask him, he'll tell you all about it.
Looking back through the years, connecting all the dots as I now have, I wonder why I didn't realize it sooner. He has, and has had, a serious problem... probably his entire life.
I ask you: What do I owe this person? I've given him my opinion. I've suggested that he seek help. I've listened... and listened... and listened. I'm at the point where he's making me fucking miserable, and he's not relating to me in any real sense. I feel mistreated, and I'm about *that* close to putting my foot down on the whole friendship. I'm... very upset. I don't like the idea of ending a friendship.
What should I do?
P.S. If you know who I'm talking about, then maybe this all makes sense to you. Please though, respect the fact that this post is screened. If you're reading this, it's because I trust you to be discreet and value your opinion.
Friends will compete. Friends will fight. Friends will betray. Friends will even lie. All of this, I expect and accept. No one's perfect. All I ask is for love, consideration and, when necessary, an apology. None of this sounds unreasonable to me.
This failing friend of mine, however, is focused solely on his on skewed perception of reality. Enraged by a fun-house reflection of the world, he bellows his opinions with the force and fervor of divine judgement. My own differing opinion, based merely on common sense, is "disgusting" to him. And yet, despite this dismissal, I listened today for four hours as he threw a raging tantrum of infantile proportions here in my home, over a (very slight) slight that occurred over a month ago and which has since been apologized for ad infinitum.
Now, if this were the first time I'd endured this same tantrum OR if I were at least the person who "wronged" him, I might be a little more sympathetic, but no, neither case is true. It's not even true that this is first time I've witnessed this behavior. This friend of mine has what Austen would call delicate sensibilities, and when those sensibilities are offended (which is common), he always takes it personally and his reaction is always one of outrage. The wrath then defines him, eclipsing all else, including friendship.
I'm no psychologist, but based on my knowledge of this individual, which spans several years, I think he's suffering from a cognitive paranoid disorder. I suggested that he consider therapy, anger management if nothing else, but this too was angrily dismissed. He's unwilling to take responsibility for his behavior, you see - everything is the fault of external forces. Just ask him, he'll tell you all about it.
Looking back through the years, connecting all the dots as I now have, I wonder why I didn't realize it sooner. He has, and has had, a serious problem... probably his entire life.
I ask you: What do I owe this person? I've given him my opinion. I've suggested that he seek help. I've listened... and listened... and listened. I'm at the point where he's making me fucking miserable, and he's not relating to me in any real sense. I feel mistreated, and I'm about *that* close to putting my foot down on the whole friendship. I'm... very upset. I don't like the idea of ending a friendship.
What should I do?
P.S. If you know who I'm talking about, then maybe this all makes sense to you. Please though, respect the fact that this post is screened. If you're reading this, it's because I trust you to be discreet and value your opinion.