(no subject)
my life has been pretty [crazy, hectic, over whelming] lately. The ski trip was awesome but right before I left I found out that my aunt was not doing well and my nana was going to go to PA again because they weren't sure what was going to happen. so my mom took her to the airport right after she dropped me off at the RP church [departure place for the ski trip]. later that day my mom called and said that my nana had called her when she got to my aunts house in PA and said that things were'nt looking good and she thought that my mom should go up. so my mom told me that she and my sister were going to start driving up there the next morning and i had to decide whither or not i wanted her to pick me up in virgina up on here way there or just stay. it took a lot out of me, and i still wish i made a different decision, but i decided that i was just going to stay in virgina. my mom thought that things would get better with my aunt, so i didnt think i would regret not going. so when we got back home my dad picked me up and took me home to my empty house where i would spend the next week. A few days later my mom called me and told me the news i hoped id never hear. my aunt had passed a few hours before. next thing i know my mom wants to know if my brother and i want to go up to pa for the funeral. i knew from the start that i didnt want to go but i didnt want my mom to be upset so i didnt say anything, i just kept putting it off till it was too late to go even if i wanted to. i regret that more than anything and i knew i would.. besides the loss that was the most stressful week of my life.. i had to clean and find my own dinner and find rides to work and pay for everything and it made me so grateful for what i have, as little as it is. and thats the first part.
I'm sure you all know that I broke up with anthony. I broke up with anthony because i though i wanted to be back with ross, and i thought there was no doubt in my mind that i did. so i broke up with anthony and i turns out that it was harder than i thought it would be and i realized that i have strong feelings for him that i had no idea existed. to i lied to ross about us getting back together and im still talking to anthony after i broke up with him. this has been the hardest, and dumbest position that i have ever put myself into. i am so upset and so distracted and i dont know what i want and i am hurting people because i am confused. i am so happy in both positions but i cant have both. i dont deserve any sympathy so please dont give it to me. i feel horrible but it's what i get for hurting other people. i've made people cry more than they ever have before in their lives, and i wish i wasnt the fuel for that fire, but ive done this to myself. i decided i need time to myself. time to get my crap strait. i have to do what makes me happy, despite who i may hurt, and this is the suckiest thing ive ever had to do. dont feel sorry for me.
I'm sure you all know that I broke up with anthony. I broke up with anthony because i though i wanted to be back with ross, and i thought there was no doubt in my mind that i did. so i broke up with anthony and i turns out that it was harder than i thought it would be and i realized that i have strong feelings for him that i had no idea existed. to i lied to ross about us getting back together and im still talking to anthony after i broke up with him. this has been the hardest, and dumbest position that i have ever put myself into. i am so upset and so distracted and i dont know what i want and i am hurting people because i am confused. i am so happy in both positions but i cant have both. i dont deserve any sympathy so please dont give it to me. i feel horrible but it's what i get for hurting other people. i've made people cry more than they ever have before in their lives, and i wish i wasnt the fuel for that fire, but ive done this to myself. i decided i need time to myself. time to get my crap strait. i have to do what makes me happy, despite who i may hurt, and this is the suckiest thing ive ever had to do. dont feel sorry for me.