Bedtime Thoughts
I'm very lonely. I mean filled with a feeling of utter isolation. I miss having a best friend, and now again I miss having even casual friends. All the myriad people from the fall are gone, Erin I haven't spoken to in three months since she left for Costa Rica, H. and L. don't really talk to me or invite me out anymore, Courtney moved to Austin...there's other friends I'm starting to try and hang out with more but I'm severely discouraged.
I had this whole ridiculous fantasy in my mind that when I moved to Houston I'd find a good job, get on financially secure footing, get a nice car, meet a whole crowd of people and throw fun parties. I was going to reinvent myself, accomplish things, pick myself up from nothing and go somewhere...yeah what a crock of shit that turned out to be. Here with my paycheck to paycheck existence, broken car, and no friends to spend my evenings with. The only thing that's changes is that two years have past and I've grown that further away from the life I used to have.
The worst part is that I feel I've done absolutely nothing to improve even one facet of myself or my life, not a damn thing. And there's really no one to blame but myself for that, especially now.
Staying here in Texas is a constant challenge for me, especially since my parents made it clear to me that I could run home with my tail between my legs any time and they'd welcome me with open arms. And in reality I would like nothing more in the world than to go home, back to my special spot and just cry. Or to just not wake up and have to deal with another day.
I had this whole ridiculous fantasy in my mind that when I moved to Houston I'd find a good job, get on financially secure footing, get a nice car, meet a whole crowd of people and throw fun parties. I was going to reinvent myself, accomplish things, pick myself up from nothing and go somewhere...yeah what a crock of shit that turned out to be. Here with my paycheck to paycheck existence, broken car, and no friends to spend my evenings with. The only thing that's changes is that two years have past and I've grown that further away from the life I used to have.
The worst part is that I feel I've done absolutely nothing to improve even one facet of myself or my life, not a damn thing. And there's really no one to blame but myself for that, especially now.
Staying here in Texas is a constant challenge for me, especially since my parents made it clear to me that I could run home with my tail between my legs any time and they'd welcome me with open arms. And in reality I would like nothing more in the world than to go home, back to my special spot and just cry. Or to just not wake up and have to deal with another day.