(no subject)
yeah...so, I am freezing my fuckin ass off...just got back from hanging out with Jon and his woman, Dez...Today, I went to chill out with Josh for a bit, then went to Mike's to play some Halo 2...then I hung out with Jon, Dez, and Dez's friend at Rockaway Mall...man, I don't know what it is about Rockaway, but I fucking hate it there. The arcade sucks...not only because it has only one DDR machine...but because I fucking sucked on it. I was playing DDR like it was my first time...I was so pissed. Could be because I haven't played in weeks. Anyways, my weekend is fucking sucking so far...It's supposed to be fun, but I just feel like a loser even more on weekends...everynight I seem to spend the night alone, or something. It's not that I am home alone every weekend, but, I feel alone so much more on weekends. I want to find someone to love, someone to feel happy with, but at the same time...I don't want to date. I just feel like I don't deserve anything positive to happen to me...Whenever I meet someone, I am afraid that if I did date them, I would bring more problems into their life...I am just not happy enough to even think of dating...and actually having an opportunity to make it work. I miss the moments where I feel happy holding someone in my arms...I miss the feeling of being close to someone...someone I can share feelings with. But, I won't have that for a while...so, my hopes have ceased completely.