C.D.K.

[unknown_female]

****So I never do this, because I tend to find it very annoying when other's do it, but tonight I feel rather compelled...This entry is directed towards a particular person, she knows who she is, hopefully.... this is just just because this is probably the easiest outlet to write and rant to her, so heregoes... So, if this is Not directed towards

Comments

[of_pheonix]

you are such a strong and amazing human being sofia. i totally understand what you're saying, and i would feel the exact same way. you know that the highschool friends i have havent always been the most healthy..i think when it comes time for college im going to be so confused, just as you are. torn between knowing the past was fun while it lasted, but you've outgrown it and it'e for something new, but also struggling with how its been the same way for so long, you don't really know how to function without it. i have friends in my circle that are just like you-just comic relief all the time. it seems as thought in a group of friends everyone has their set role. and i think being the "funny" one is the hardest because you can't ever be anything LESS or people start to get on your case. wanna know the good news? you never ever EVER have to be that person ever again if you don't want. in a couple days you can be WHOEVER the FUCK you wanna be. strap on some cowboy boots and speak solely in spanish while hopping around on one foot if you like. now is the time to spread your wings-you're right. you're being reborn in a way...no ones going to bother you if you're not being who you're "supposed" to be, and all the awful things that you've been through lately can be lifted off your shoulders as you leave to lead your own life. i think because of how strong and loving you are, you assumed the role of backbone in your family while everything was so chaotic..you don't have to do that anymore. from now on, until you have a family, the only person you are responsible for is you. and i want you to ENJOY being free to be WHOEVER you damn well please..i know its scary..but being set free can be that way at first.

always remember i love you so very much, and i KNOW im not who i should be for YOU all the time..knowing you exist has gotten me through the CRAPPIEST of times and days, and getting your letters in the mail all decorated makes me realize how special you are and how LUCKY i am just to know you and have you supporting me. i can't wait to hear all about your first days at school.

[unknown_female]

I Love you, So so much.
I don't know what it is, but you always seem to muster up the perfet words to make me feel 115% better, and set me on the right track of knowing what to do. :)
You are really right. in 4 days, I won't have to fit into anyone's mold, or be the cookie cutter person that I have always been expected to be. I will still be very outgoing and funny, but this time it will be because I Want to, not because I have to in order to save face. this whole "reborn" process is quite enlightening, I really can't wait until it's your turn, you have moments of completel and total shit, where you ask yourself, What the fuck am I doing here? Who Am I? and Why do i even matter, but once you clear away from all of those feeliongs of confusion, and realize, in my case at least, who I am is exactly the person that I want to be, Just bigger and better, if you will, THEN, you can take that leap and start over with the confidence that, You will be Okay. Better than okay, you will be happy and free, and just ready for the next wind to take you. 4 days. Oh my god.
You have really been my light out of the dark. To be SUPER lame and quote the movie we just saw: "I was drowning, and you pulled me out of the ocean!" in which you can reply: "Don't get carried away".... :P but it's the truth. You really have been my rock, and just know that I love you unconditionally, whether you are right or wrong, just know that i will ALWAYS be in your corner...nobody is perfect sweetheart, As long as you live your life the way You want to, and are happy with yourself the way you are, then in my opinion, You're set.
I am so happy that we have both found in eachother, someone we can depend on and look to, to make life suck that much Less. it's a daily comfort knowing that you are there (wherever the hell "There" may be) to count on. Thank you for that babe.