art star
i keep having really weird dreams...thats not really new, but like...i cant tell them apart from reality lately. like i had a dream that i was watching tv and a music video was on mtv for white sky by vampire weekend and it was new and so i called dustin to tell him and we were talking and whatever and then i woke up and was like "oh it was just a dream, that sucks" and like went about doing whatever, but then...i woke up for real! that was a dream too! wth. so anyways then this morning i woke up and was like "damn im thirtsy" so i went to get a diet dr pepper and ate my cookie and went back in my room and the bathroom door was shut and the light was on so im assuming my mom was in there, well i layed back down and then a little while later i went to take a sip of my drink...and it was old and warm and flat so i knew it wasnt the new one...so i guess that was a dream too.
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dustin and i have been fighting a lot lately and i know its my fault. i just miss him a lot and its frustrating because we hardly ever get to talk. he goes to school while im still sleeping and gets out at 11 and then goes to his friends house till 2 or 3 usually or he just goes home and goes to bed at like 12.....my awake hours are like 4pm to like 5 or 6 am....so yeah. and when we do talk its like "hey whats up" "nothing" "i love you" "i love you too" ya know that boring shit. and whenever we try to talk on the phone we cant hear each other so i get mad and hang up and text. we like never fight when we are together, i guess its the stress of being so far away :(
i just cant wait to get married and live with him and go to school or get a job or something.
i also really want to have a baby but i keep telling him i dont cus he is prob sick of it. i really do want one but my bff keeps telling me not to cus like it ruined her body and it takes up your whole life and to just wait a while and i know dustin doesnt want one for a long time so i guess jesselacey will have to do for now. speaking of which, i think he forgave me cus he has been sleeping in my bed like everynight and cuddling with me. i love himm.
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i think i like subconsciously have pushed away almost all my friends...i havent meant to but like i never call any of them or text them or like anything. i seriously only hang out with jessica and emily and thats rarely. its gotten to the point where they dont even bother to talk to me....im really not upset about it. not because i dont love and care about them but like....im leaving and probably forever so i dont see the point in trying to spend time with them or anything. i know that sounds bitchy but i cant really help it. and like half of them are either stuck up their boyfriends asses or working or taking care of their kids. and im not mad about it, thats their lives, mines just different. im about to get married and like move hundreds of miles away. i cant wait to figure out where we are going to live cus i am going to cosmetology school whenever we get settled.
anyways...this has been random. i should go to sleep now.