Taking Over Looking for Help for my Brother
Now I am tasked with contacting all resources possible and being very firm about the dire situation and that my brother is the equivalent of two deceased parents (he is spending 6 months locked up for breaking domestic violence parole for trying to kill our mother who has always supported him and he is getting crazier and crazier and all the staff where he goes from place to place see this and mark it down he is nuts... Yes, my mother is still alive, but I am considered severely disabled (bedbound often, housebound nearly always, etc.) and she has to worry about me *nonviolent* and my brother is not safe for her to get involved with. It ends up with violence and drug abuse on his end. So I am pretty sure I can make an argument that my mother can be found non-responsible for him, as if she were actually deceased -- it is in her safety interest and she does maintain a restraining order on him, the partner she lives with has the full restraining order like me, and he can't enter either of our homes... So... Unusual situation. He has been on SSI a while and Medicaid and food stamps, so it's not like he has to prove disability. We just have to bump him up waitlists to the equivalent of both parents deceased (I am pretty sure I can do this...) And also me being persistent, knowing legalities, and the fact that there are numerous programs and housing situations around here that would suit him is helpful. There are group homes (not ideal, but he has the opposite problem of me -- people he thinks could mess up what he wants he is quiet and receptive to) and I would report and remove him were there to be serious concern for abuse. Also sober living homes... Things like that. There is a program Michael's friend is doing where he is getting moved from an institution to an apartment with staff visiting to help 3 days a week. There aren't as many resources as there should be, but considering the sucky politics in IL (very corrupt) and the various cuts and huge waitlists for section 8 housing (which would not be helpful to him at all -- he needs monitoring 24 hours a day right now, but with basic rights, entertainment, socialization, therapy, meds, medical attention, reintroducing him into society and him volunteering, at the very least, etc. He is very smart because he is SUPER literary. Biggest reader I have ever met. Not having books literally makes him crazy. I have always been a big reader, but he NEEDS books. He has no social life, no other real mind-expanding hobbies, never leaves his room, is really off-kilter from burn out, etc.
So, anyways, I am optimistic. I live in a pretty wealthy town but there are still pretty Victorian homes around here for the homeless (and our pretty train station is left open for the homeless all winter), there are a variety of housing and county programs right here. Group therapy I really think could be a positive experience for him on so many levels (unlike me, where I really don't relate -- I focus on helping others feel as good as I can and my experiences are very different from my brothers). He definitely has undiagnosed PTSD.
I also go to a UU church filled with lawyers (including a mental health lawyer knowing other mental health lawyers) and mental health workers and former workers, doctors of all varieties, lawyers of all varieties, and a huge emphasis on social justice and respecting the inherent humanity in everyone. The members have often helped me, given me the contact info I need, are getting me set up with a new psychiatrist, etc. So I am sure I can turn to them if things get really frustrating.
But I can do this. I am dizzy and anxious and in pain, but I would rather be in charge and get my brother help and pause his downward spiral than let me mother pay a ton to rent him an apartment where he will be very isolated, doing drugs and drinking more freely, getting worse, possibly getting his apartment condemned again, and my mother taking her stress out on me about how "entitled" I am to not want to live with people putting my life at stake and telling me to "shut up" when I am hacking and sniffling and getting up in the night to pee, which is what my mother always has done (seriously, who forbids their kid to use the bathroom anymore or yells at them to shut up when the allergies, asthma, and mold toxicity are the parents fault???) All the while, my father hacking up a lung sounding about to die (incredibly louldy) ever single night. No, mom, I can't be your roommate. It was agreed a two bedroom home, one for me, one for you if necessary. He doesn't earn a private room for getting sent back to Illinois for adomestic violence felony. One who has tried to kill us both, at that! Seriously! Who calls the desire to be safe when disabled severely from birth "entitlement"??? She told me I deserved to be homeless, and I go time to time getting viciously angry she is talking about another apt. for my brother. My brother actually thought he should get the bigger bedroom due to his tons of electronics, too! I need a caretaker with me usually (so two people's stuff) plus I need access to a bathtub (the other bathroom is a shower -- my brother only even takes showers). Stupid brat only has tons of expensive electronics because he has never paid a bill in his damn life. Not rent even once. Even when he made a bunch working. My mother justifies this because he gets paid less than me (me SSDI, him SSI due to working yet not long enough for SSDI). He's still ending up with more spare money.
But hey, after telling me I should live here without changing a thing and just a bed and tv (because she is tv obsessed) I guess her compliment that things are looking super nice and I am doing a great job decorating helps a bit...? Grasping at straws here, but I am an optimist; she will not stop that. Besides, my mother does help me financially still and I want to be of help, especially while too ill to volunteer (driving me nuts....) I know I can do a superior job to my mother.
Endoscopy at 10:30am tomorrow. Will be talk of a colonoscopy. Idk, nothing serious, just incredibly bad GERD, checking for ulcers (had them at 15 from stress), just ruling out gastroparesis and gall bladder issues. Umm... yeah. Could be bad GERD plus IBS, going by history. I know IBS can be serious (it even qualifies for medical marijuana here... which would make three conditions I qualify under for it, but I am super terrified of asking and being labeled difficult, even if I don't push. I only ask for pain prescriptions when insanely ill (I didn't even fill my rx when in serious shingles pain), so I can't be labeled a "drug seeker" (lots of meds, yes, but hate taking psych meds and no history of asking for addictive things other than I take Klonopin as needed --- which I have gone off cold turkey by choice before, ending in seizures). We shall see.
Ughh... So many drs coming up.
So, anyways, I am optimistic. I live in a pretty wealthy town but there are still pretty Victorian homes around here for the homeless (and our pretty train station is left open for the homeless all winter), there are a variety of housing and county programs right here. Group therapy I really think could be a positive experience for him on so many levels (unlike me, where I really don't relate -- I focus on helping others feel as good as I can and my experiences are very different from my brothers). He definitely has undiagnosed PTSD.
I also go to a UU church filled with lawyers (including a mental health lawyer knowing other mental health lawyers) and mental health workers and former workers, doctors of all varieties, lawyers of all varieties, and a huge emphasis on social justice and respecting the inherent humanity in everyone. The members have often helped me, given me the contact info I need, are getting me set up with a new psychiatrist, etc. So I am sure I can turn to them if things get really frustrating.
But I can do this. I am dizzy and anxious and in pain, but I would rather be in charge and get my brother help and pause his downward spiral than let me mother pay a ton to rent him an apartment where he will be very isolated, doing drugs and drinking more freely, getting worse, possibly getting his apartment condemned again, and my mother taking her stress out on me about how "entitled" I am to not want to live with people putting my life at stake and telling me to "shut up" when I am hacking and sniffling and getting up in the night to pee, which is what my mother always has done (seriously, who forbids their kid to use the bathroom anymore or yells at them to shut up when the allergies, asthma, and mold toxicity are the parents fault???) All the while, my father hacking up a lung sounding about to die (incredibly louldy) ever single night. No, mom, I can't be your roommate. It was agreed a two bedroom home, one for me, one for you if necessary. He doesn't earn a private room for getting sent back to Illinois for adomestic violence felony. One who has tried to kill us both, at that! Seriously! Who calls the desire to be safe when disabled severely from birth "entitlement"??? She told me I deserved to be homeless, and I go time to time getting viciously angry she is talking about another apt. for my brother. My brother actually thought he should get the bigger bedroom due to his tons of electronics, too! I need a caretaker with me usually (so two people's stuff) plus I need access to a bathtub (the other bathroom is a shower -- my brother only even takes showers). Stupid brat only has tons of expensive electronics because he has never paid a bill in his damn life. Not rent even once. Even when he made a bunch working. My mother justifies this because he gets paid less than me (me SSDI, him SSI due to working yet not long enough for SSDI). He's still ending up with more spare money.
But hey, after telling me I should live here without changing a thing and just a bed and tv (because she is tv obsessed) I guess her compliment that things are looking super nice and I am doing a great job decorating helps a bit...? Grasping at straws here, but I am an optimist; she will not stop that. Besides, my mother does help me financially still and I want to be of help, especially while too ill to volunteer (driving me nuts....) I know I can do a superior job to my mother.
Endoscopy at 10:30am tomorrow. Will be talk of a colonoscopy. Idk, nothing serious, just incredibly bad GERD, checking for ulcers (had them at 15 from stress), just ruling out gastroparesis and gall bladder issues. Umm... yeah. Could be bad GERD plus IBS, going by history. I know IBS can be serious (it even qualifies for medical marijuana here... which would make three conditions I qualify under for it, but I am super terrified of asking and being labeled difficult, even if I don't push. I only ask for pain prescriptions when insanely ill (I didn't even fill my rx when in serious shingles pain), so I can't be labeled a "drug seeker" (lots of meds, yes, but hate taking psych meds and no history of asking for addictive things other than I take Klonopin as needed --- which I have gone off cold turkey by choice before, ending in seizures). We shall see.
Ughh... So many drs coming up.