Instinct Stacking in the Enneagram (Self-Preservation/Sexual)
I've been participating in a thread (and actually created it) on the instinctual variants for the enneagram. I believe I'm self-preservation, followed by sexual, followed by social. A friend brought up that I could seem self-preservation/social online, which sounds pretty right to me. I think everyone has basically agreed that I seem "social" due to my Extroverted Feeling (being an INFJ), 6w7 as my head type (a very social type), and 9w1 as my gut type (also concerned about people, though I think of it as more introverted than 6w7). Also my core type and image type is 4w3, the 3 wing being more extroverted (4 is withdrawn).
So, anyways, these are characteristics of each instinct. I bolded what I could relate to:
Self-Preservation Fours: "Dauntless"
I crave intensity and stimulation in order to feel alive and avoid the dullness and meaningless of a mundane existence.
I am attracted to being close to birth, death, catastrophe, and serious illness.
I have plunged into dangerous situations, for example, taking physical risks, breaking laws or rules, taking chances with my money, engaging in promiscuity, or entering into unhealthy relationships.
I can be determined and persevering in pulling myself and others through crises.
I rebel strenuously when people attack my ideals, tell me what to do, or try to change me. I may hurl sarcastic remarks or fly into a rage.
I focus intently on my creative work or causes.
I can see myself excluding everything else that is going on around me and ignoring the necessities of day-to-day survival while I pursue my goal.
I like to point out angles that others have not thought of.
I take great offense when people assume they know what I think and how I feel.
Relational Fours: "Competition and Envy"
I envy people who seem happier, more fulfilled, or more interesting than I am, particularly those whose assets are similar to mine.
When having problems in a relationship, I am more likely to become depressed than angry.
I want my partner to experience our relationship as unique and intense.
I'm attracted to what is distant and unattainable.
I long, or have longed, for a soul mate or Prince or Princess Charming to come along and rescue me from an ordinary life.
I frequently get my partner to leave, then try to win him or her back. This push and pull creates drama and pain, keeps renewing the distance I want, and gives me the feeling that I am in control.
Getting close frightens me because my loved one might discover that I don't measure up to the ideal.
I sometimes feel I'm not special enough to be truly loved.
Social Fours: "Shame"
Shame, as we use it here, means embarrassment, humiliation, and lack of self-respect.
I feel ashamed of not measuring up to my vision of the ideal: not being bright or creative enough, not contributing to humanity, or not having a fulfilling relationship.
I die over each mistake or faux pas I make.
I often feel inadequate socially and either try to pour on charm and confidence or blend into the woodwork. -- (but I really *do* have social issues due to autism)
I'm always analyzing myself: Did I make myself understood? Did I sound stupid? Was I too aggressive? Was I too conciliatory? -- Very occasionally I ask myself these questions, but I already have to have a basis for feeling insecure. I also almost always speak or write without second-guessing myself.
I have dreams of achieving tremendous status and recognition in order to get revenge on those who have put me down or laughed at me.
I am very sensitive to being shamed or slighted. It devastates me to be excluded from a gathering or event that acquaintances or friends are attending.
Sometimes I say things against myself to try to deflect envy.
I feel less awkward when I fill a definite position in the group by demonstrating that I'm an authority on something or by making a strong statement about who I am by the way I dress.
*****
Self-Preservation/Sexual
This subtype also cares very much about their surroundings and their possessions. They feel as if these things help to express who they are. There is more of a passionate sense about them as compared to the self/soc. They have more of a sensual relationship with their environment. These Fours are much more tortured by their difficulty with respect to maintaining close relationships. The self-preservational instinct tends to be in conflict with the sexual instinct, causing this subtype to habitually analyze their relationships to the point where they find it difficult to be present to them. When unhealthy, these Fours can become very disdainful of the social environment. They also start to envy the ease with which others seem to form relationships and maintain friendships. When Fours of this subtype are healthy, they find that they can form relationships without feeling as though they are sacrificing authenticity. They no longer feel that they have to automatically define themselves as "different from others," as outside the group. They are able to see the ways in which their emotionality might cloud their better judgment and to use that insight to establish equilibrium.
I relate to this whole description.
So, anyways, these are characteristics of each instinct. I bolded what I could relate to:
Self-Preservation Fours: "Dauntless"
I crave intensity and stimulation in order to feel alive and avoid the dullness and meaningless of a mundane existence.
I am attracted to being close to birth, death, catastrophe, and serious illness.
I have plunged into dangerous situations, for example, taking physical risks, breaking laws or rules, taking chances with my money, engaging in promiscuity, or entering into unhealthy relationships.
I can be determined and persevering in pulling myself and others through crises.
I rebel strenuously when people attack my ideals, tell me what to do, or try to change me. I may hurl sarcastic remarks or fly into a rage.
I focus intently on my creative work or causes.
I can see myself excluding everything else that is going on around me and ignoring the necessities of day-to-day survival while I pursue my goal.
I like to point out angles that others have not thought of.
I take great offense when people assume they know what I think and how I feel.
Relational Fours: "Competition and Envy"
I envy people who seem happier, more fulfilled, or more interesting than I am, particularly those whose assets are similar to mine.
When having problems in a relationship, I am more likely to become depressed than angry.
I want my partner to experience our relationship as unique and intense.
I'm attracted to what is distant and unattainable.
I long, or have longed, for a soul mate or Prince or Princess Charming to come along and rescue me from an ordinary life.
I frequently get my partner to leave, then try to win him or her back. This push and pull creates drama and pain, keeps renewing the distance I want, and gives me the feeling that I am in control.
Getting close frightens me because my loved one might discover that I don't measure up to the ideal.
I sometimes feel I'm not special enough to be truly loved.
Social Fours: "Shame"
Shame, as we use it here, means embarrassment, humiliation, and lack of self-respect.
I feel ashamed of not measuring up to my vision of the ideal: not being bright or creative enough, not contributing to humanity, or not having a fulfilling relationship.
I die over each mistake or faux pas I make.
I often feel inadequate socially and either try to pour on charm and confidence or blend into the woodwork. -- (but I really *do* have social issues due to autism)
I'm always analyzing myself: Did I make myself understood? Did I sound stupid? Was I too aggressive? Was I too conciliatory? -- Very occasionally I ask myself these questions, but I already have to have a basis for feeling insecure. I also almost always speak or write without second-guessing myself.
I have dreams of achieving tremendous status and recognition in order to get revenge on those who have put me down or laughed at me.
I am very sensitive to being shamed or slighted. It devastates me to be excluded from a gathering or event that acquaintances or friends are attending.
Sometimes I say things against myself to try to deflect envy.
I feel less awkward when I fill a definite position in the group by demonstrating that I'm an authority on something or by making a strong statement about who I am by the way I dress.
*****
Self-Preservation/Sexual
This subtype also cares very much about their surroundings and their possessions. They feel as if these things help to express who they are. There is more of a passionate sense about them as compared to the self/soc. They have more of a sensual relationship with their environment. These Fours are much more tortured by their difficulty with respect to maintaining close relationships. The self-preservational instinct tends to be in conflict with the sexual instinct, causing this subtype to habitually analyze their relationships to the point where they find it difficult to be present to them. When unhealthy, these Fours can become very disdainful of the social environment. They also start to envy the ease with which others seem to form relationships and maintain friendships. When Fours of this subtype are healthy, they find that they can form relationships without feeling as though they are sacrificing authenticity. They no longer feel that they have to automatically define themselves as "different from others," as outside the group. They are able to see the ways in which their emotionality might cloud their better judgment and to use that insight to establish equilibrium.
I relate to this whole description.