of little consequence
Days like today I feel like my existence doesn't matter. People that are close and dear to me are lost in their own worlds, let it be because of their families, their tribulations or just because they want nothing to do with me. Its hard to tell but the negative whispers in my brain feed on the lack of knowing and it slowly eats away at me from the inside.
Like the fact that we are supposed to still be friends but we hardly say a word to one another.
It makes me want to give up trying, you know that? To just leave you alone for ever and move on with my life, as sad as that may be. But life without you is just that, grey. I never knew what life was --- or love -- until you came into my life and now its all gone.
I can't help but wonder if all you said were platitudes, lip service to assuage your guilt because I just didn't matter much to begin with. Then I feel stupid, absolutely idiotic for believing, for trusting, for thinking you were different. A part of me wishes you were just like the others but I know that wasn't the case. I think. I don't know anymore.
All I know is that moving on is difficult. I miss your laughter. I miss our inside jokes. I miss being able to reach out into the darkness and know your hand will be there. I miss you in ways you cannot even imagine, love. Because that is what you are. You are my love. And you will continue to be that until I can fucking move on. So maybe its a blessing you're not entirely there for me right now. So I can learn to let go.
Like the fact that we are supposed to still be friends but we hardly say a word to one another.
It makes me want to give up trying, you know that? To just leave you alone for ever and move on with my life, as sad as that may be. But life without you is just that, grey. I never knew what life was --- or love -- until you came into my life and now its all gone.
I can't help but wonder if all you said were platitudes, lip service to assuage your guilt because I just didn't matter much to begin with. Then I feel stupid, absolutely idiotic for believing, for trusting, for thinking you were different. A part of me wishes you were just like the others but I know that wasn't the case. I think. I don't know anymore.
All I know is that moving on is difficult. I miss your laughter. I miss our inside jokes. I miss being able to reach out into the darkness and know your hand will be there. I miss you in ways you cannot even imagine, love. Because that is what you are. You are my love. And you will continue to be that until I can fucking move on. So maybe its a blessing you're not entirely there for me right now. So I can learn to let go.