Chasing the white rabbit
I am tired, oh so, fucking tired of everything.
Of living. Of hoping. Of hurting.
I'm overworked, and I can't sleep. Period. This isn't a good combination. It just exacerbates everything. How can one have peace of mind if they can't have peace of body? I really do not want to start medication again. I hate those damn things. The one that helps with anxiety just numbs me. I can still think. I can still have those same, fatalistic thoughts but I just can't feel anything. I don't want to go back to the prozac. While it did a fantastic job at keeping me on the level, I'm worried about long-term side effects. That, and the unberable lows that happen when I get off the damn things. (I.e. read, being too fucking broke to afford the damn Rx).
I feel like I'm cracking. Most of me wants to die, but there is still a little sliver left that doesn't want to give up just yet.
Of living. Of hoping. Of hurting.
I'm overworked, and I can't sleep. Period. This isn't a good combination. It just exacerbates everything. How can one have peace of mind if they can't have peace of body? I really do not want to start medication again. I hate those damn things. The one that helps with anxiety just numbs me. I can still think. I can still have those same, fatalistic thoughts but I just can't feel anything. I don't want to go back to the prozac. While it did a fantastic job at keeping me on the level, I'm worried about long-term side effects. That, and the unberable lows that happen when I get off the damn things. (I.e. read, being too fucking broke to afford the damn Rx).
I feel like I'm cracking. Most of me wants to die, but there is still a little sliver left that doesn't want to give up just yet.