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Well fuck. Why am I such a downer? I just wrote an entire journal entry in my head while laying in bed unable to sleep. Now I don't want to say anything because I don't want a pity party. Crap has happened, but it's all stuff I can deal with. It's just hard sometimes. And what bothers me the most is I don't know where my confidence has gone. Ever since the stupid cruise I've felt like the insecure little girl I was like... I dunno, back in high school or something. I started out that vacation writing a journal entry on any piece of paper I could find about stupid bitches who are jealous and choose to take it out on other people. By the end of the trip I was so torn down that I not only couldn't wait to be home but I wouldn't have minded crawling in a hole and dying. And I'm still not sure if I would mind that all too much. I got a new puppy. He's very cute and sweet but depression has taken over so much that it takes all my energy just to take care of him. I hate my job which doesn't help when you're lethargic either. Because I'd REALLY like to find a new one. I'm just so tired. And my grandma passed away on Sunday. The funeral was wednesday... lots of family tension and crap going on. It killed me to see everyone all worried about each other instead of focusing on the reason we were all there. Anyway, more later maybe I need to get rest I have a stomach virus and a UTI.