Just Curious
It was brought to my attention today that at some point between December 23, 1986 and the ever progressing moment in which I now exist, I made the decision to be a homosexual. Well ok actually it would be more like between December 23, 1986 and August something or other 2005 when for the first time I threw a boy on the couch and didn't come up for air for a good 2 minutes...or was it 10? Time flies when you're having fun! Oh, cool your heels, we were just making out. Anyway, I'm venturing from my intended path. See there how easy it is! Bringing us back then, fact: I sleep with men.
NOW, what I'm curious about is all this decision making. I choose the word "curious" with care because that's exactly what I am. Who am I to say it's not the god's honest truth? I mean, I spent the better part of a decade proudly sporting windsuits and penny loafers, so my track record doesn't exactly scream perfection. Other than this misstep though, which I attribute largly to both overly constrictive jumpsuits as a toddler and an early understanding of finance, I'll admit, I've always fancied myself a rather bright person, even if on days of dispair I had to force myself into a pair of Clark Kent glasses to do so.
If my informant is in fact correct though, I can't help but think then that I must have had some sort of brain aneurysm which went totally unnoticed by my team of otherwise highly proficient childhood and adolescent physicians causing me, for whatever reason, to have a small window of time in which my judgement simply ceased to exist. That's of course would then be the time I decided to spend the latter and, godwilling, larger portion of my life as a rainbow wearing, limp wristed, queen with a fagagenda at the forefront of my daily activity. Surely no decision like this would have been made under any other, perhaps less foggy circumstances. That would just be silly wouldn't it? I mean we're not talking a minor...ok major...fashion crisis that would ultimately ban me from the upper social ranks for the entirety of middle school. We're talking about a calculated choice that would require me to bring my parents, both mother and father to tears, a choice that would require me as an actor to take one step further away from myself everytime I go out onstage, a choice that would ask me to look around carefully before I did something as simple as hold the hand of the person I loved, a choice that (if I ever decided I wanted to) would make it almost (not totally though, I know) impossible to get married and adopt/love a child as my own, and a choice that among other things would cause me to be ridiculed at times not only by people I didn't know, but by people I did know, and even more frequently than either of those, by myself.
In my curiosity though I have been trying to come up with some benefits of my choice as well. At first I thought that maybe I could count one of my gay powers, you know like the homos that are winning reality tv contest all over the country, but then I realized unlike them, I don't have one of those. I don't cook, after the tragic dress sewing debacle of '93 I don't design...anything, and with my wardrobe consisting mostly of musical t-shirts and solid black vnecks (The short kind. No plunging necklines for me.), I only dress moderately well. So what could possibly be in it for me, this... man loving that I've decided to integrate into my life? And then it hit me! I don't have to deal with periods!! Other than the girls yabbering about it in the makeup room at the theatre, I don't have to see it, I don't have to be around when it happens, and if I had a sex life, I wouldn't have to have it interrupted by a week of blood expulsion. There ARE other things that one such as myself has to deal with in this whole area of conversation, but that's neither here nor there. Other than this though, I really just couldn't come up with any benefits, which brings me to my question for you: what positive things can I get out of being gay, other than the HIV, cause lord know's I wanna stay away from that one? Until a verdict is reached on whether this homosexual business is simply, or rather not so simply, a decision, I just want to be able to reap the full benefits of my choice ya know... if that is indeed what it is. Thanks for your help! I can't wait to see all the loads of ideas for free and/or easy things I can get!!
NOW, what I'm curious about is all this decision making. I choose the word "curious" with care because that's exactly what I am. Who am I to say it's not the god's honest truth? I mean, I spent the better part of a decade proudly sporting windsuits and penny loafers, so my track record doesn't exactly scream perfection. Other than this misstep though, which I attribute largly to both overly constrictive jumpsuits as a toddler and an early understanding of finance, I'll admit, I've always fancied myself a rather bright person, even if on days of dispair I had to force myself into a pair of Clark Kent glasses to do so.
If my informant is in fact correct though, I can't help but think then that I must have had some sort of brain aneurysm which went totally unnoticed by my team of otherwise highly proficient childhood and adolescent physicians causing me, for whatever reason, to have a small window of time in which my judgement simply ceased to exist. That's of course would then be the time I decided to spend the latter and, godwilling, larger portion of my life as a rainbow wearing, limp wristed, queen with a fagagenda at the forefront of my daily activity. Surely no decision like this would have been made under any other, perhaps less foggy circumstances. That would just be silly wouldn't it? I mean we're not talking a minor...ok major...fashion crisis that would ultimately ban me from the upper social ranks for the entirety of middle school. We're talking about a calculated choice that would require me to bring my parents, both mother and father to tears, a choice that would require me as an actor to take one step further away from myself everytime I go out onstage, a choice that would ask me to look around carefully before I did something as simple as hold the hand of the person I loved, a choice that (if I ever decided I wanted to) would make it almost (not totally though, I know) impossible to get married and adopt/love a child as my own, and a choice that among other things would cause me to be ridiculed at times not only by people I didn't know, but by people I did know, and even more frequently than either of those, by myself.
In my curiosity though I have been trying to come up with some benefits of my choice as well. At first I thought that maybe I could count one of my gay powers, you know like the homos that are winning reality tv contest all over the country, but then I realized unlike them, I don't have one of those. I don't cook, after the tragic dress sewing debacle of '93 I don't design...anything, and with my wardrobe consisting mostly of musical t-shirts and solid black vnecks (The short kind. No plunging necklines for me.), I only dress moderately well. So what could possibly be in it for me, this... man loving that I've decided to integrate into my life? And then it hit me! I don't have to deal with periods!! Other than the girls yabbering about it in the makeup room at the theatre, I don't have to see it, I don't have to be around when it happens, and if I had a sex life, I wouldn't have to have it interrupted by a week of blood expulsion. There ARE other things that one such as myself has to deal with in this whole area of conversation, but that's neither here nor there. Other than this though, I really just couldn't come up with any benefits, which brings me to my question for you: what positive things can I get out of being gay, other than the HIV, cause lord know's I wanna stay away from that one? Until a verdict is reached on whether this homosexual business is simply, or rather not so simply, a decision, I just want to be able to reap the full benefits of my choice ya know... if that is indeed what it is. Thanks for your help! I can't wait to see all the loads of ideas for free and/or easy things I can get!!