i miss the boredom, and the freedom, and the time spent alone.
I survived my sophomore year, somehow. it wasn't easy, that's for sure. i was mentally, physically, emotionally - all the of the above - drained. so many things left me in stupors. loss of jobs, loss of relationships, and all around unsureness of my own self.
but things are looking up.
to my shigrin, i have moved back home to my parents house. while i had invisioned getting a house if not by the end of school, then by my birthday. but due to fleeting friends and insufficent funds, plans fell through. i'm thinking on the positive side. i will be saving money living at home - right now i believe my account in around $500 or more, which is a triumph for me. downsides include the disconent of living in west Omaha, the cost of gas - seeing as i'm downtown more often then not, and my parents feelings towards me coming home every other night in the wee hours. oh well. i feel like while the cons are higher in number, my pros will be benefitted.
travis is currently driving home now. i haven't talked to him in a few days. i don't think he really realizes how much i want to see him. i'm so restless here in my parents house. it just brings back memories of lying to them, whilst i went to spend nights with him, sneeking in. i just miss his presence. distance can break a person... that's one sure thing i've learned this past year.
like i said, things are definitely looking up. they have been for a few weeks now, which is disheartening, becuase i know the bottom is about to fall out any moment... it always does. when it's going good for long enough for me to concentrate on it, shit hits the fan once more.
+ i got re-hired at aroma's. granted, due to the full staff, right now i am filling in for people who are on vacation. that aside, i have the rest of may pretty full with shifts. i couldn't be more elated. asking for my job back has been on my mind for more than 2 months. i would tense up when i would be near jeff (the new owner) and begin to doubt my chances... while everyone else had full confidence in me. "the worst he could do is say 'no'" : that was the statement that got me worried. he could say no. and then what would i have to look forward to? my foot is in the door, and that's all i could hope for at this moment.
now i have to hear my mom bicker about not having a paying internship yet, not taking summer classes, and so on. all these things are necessary, i realize this. but i also realize that i'm growing up much too fast. and this is most likely the last summer that i can enjoy periodically sleeping in until 1PM, lying on the back deck sunbathing with a new book and fresh pack of cigarettes, and going out to drink ocassionally. i want to savor this summer. not worry about the future.
it seems like the future is all the i worry about anymore.
i told myself that i would begin posting new photos everyday.
i know this won't happen, because i know myself all too well. i get an idea. make a concrete timeframe for it, plan of attack. and then i get side-tracked or lazy. so all i can say is i will try. for your sake and mine.
but things are looking up.
to my shigrin, i have moved back home to my parents house. while i had invisioned getting a house if not by the end of school, then by my birthday. but due to fleeting friends and insufficent funds, plans fell through. i'm thinking on the positive side. i will be saving money living at home - right now i believe my account in around $500 or more, which is a triumph for me. downsides include the disconent of living in west Omaha, the cost of gas - seeing as i'm downtown more often then not, and my parents feelings towards me coming home every other night in the wee hours. oh well. i feel like while the cons are higher in number, my pros will be benefitted.
travis is currently driving home now. i haven't talked to him in a few days. i don't think he really realizes how much i want to see him. i'm so restless here in my parents house. it just brings back memories of lying to them, whilst i went to spend nights with him, sneeking in. i just miss his presence. distance can break a person... that's one sure thing i've learned this past year.
like i said, things are definitely looking up. they have been for a few weeks now, which is disheartening, becuase i know the bottom is about to fall out any moment... it always does. when it's going good for long enough for me to concentrate on it, shit hits the fan once more.
+ i got re-hired at aroma's. granted, due to the full staff, right now i am filling in for people who are on vacation. that aside, i have the rest of may pretty full with shifts. i couldn't be more elated. asking for my job back has been on my mind for more than 2 months. i would tense up when i would be near jeff (the new owner) and begin to doubt my chances... while everyone else had full confidence in me. "the worst he could do is say 'no'" : that was the statement that got me worried. he could say no. and then what would i have to look forward to? my foot is in the door, and that's all i could hope for at this moment.
now i have to hear my mom bicker about not having a paying internship yet, not taking summer classes, and so on. all these things are necessary, i realize this. but i also realize that i'm growing up much too fast. and this is most likely the last summer that i can enjoy periodically sleeping in until 1PM, lying on the back deck sunbathing with a new book and fresh pack of cigarettes, and going out to drink ocassionally. i want to savor this summer. not worry about the future.
it seems like the future is all the i worry about anymore.
i told myself that i would begin posting new photos everyday.
i know this won't happen, because i know myself all too well. i get an idea. make a concrete timeframe for it, plan of attack. and then i get side-tracked or lazy. so all i can say is i will try. for your sake and mine.