Set my heart awhirl. (2/3)
Start here, okay?
Joe comes home one Saturday morning and pulls Nick aside, holding out his iPhone.
"Dude, I know you don't usually look at this garbage, but Perez has a picture of you and this Logan kid making moon-eyes at each other." His face is unusually serious. "Is there, uh, anything going on I should know about?"
Nick takes the phone from his brother, and says nothing. His natural reaction should be to deny: ‘absolutely not', ‘what the hell', ‘Logan is a boy who is my friend, not my boyfriend', or even just ‘no!'... but instead he sits there, brow furrowed, staring at the small pixellated image on Joe's phone.
The picture does kind of look pretty gay. They were strolling along the sidewalk eating dishes of frozen yogurt, rather than doing something super manly like extreme sports or driving some pimped-out SUV. He and Logan with little hearts drawn around their heads, and some lame caption about them being young lovers on a date. He doesn't read on, but Nick assumes that it's peppered with jokes about purity rings and maybe something rude about Selena.
Date. Date. Logan had legitimately been his totally-platonic plus-one to the Disney's Oceans premiere a few weeks previous, but that was just because of, you know, how they'd met, so it was funny and Logan seemed to spend a lot of time at the beach. Nick thought that Logan'd like it, so why wouldn't he invite him?
Except, nobody saw them together at that event. Nick had had to walk the carpet, whereas Logan skipped the press-line, not wanting to talk about Spider-man rumors, and really having nothing else to promote. They met up inside.
Now there's this.
Joe waits patiently for Nick to react, arms folded. Nick knows that Joe would probably wait like that for hours, despite his usual energy, because he'd sensed that this was important.
Nick knows he has to say something, but continues, for whatever reason, to avoid the obvious denial. Finally the right response comes to him. Deflect. "What did you do in this situation, when they said this about you?" Joe has had his share of blogs spread rumours about his sexuality, about he and his friend Martin, but Martin was publicly out, and to Nick's knowledge, none of those rumours had been founded in anything else. Joe wasn't in love with Martin, and as far as Nick knew, he isn't attracted to men. He's with Demi, and they seem pretty solid.
"Just ignore it." Joe smiles, leans down from his perch on the arm of the couch, bracing an arm on Nick's shoulder, and tries to keep his tone light. "Little brother, they're going to be jerks either way. What matters most is that you don't let it affect your friendship. They're just pictures, and not even very interesting ones. Don't acknowledge them." But his smile fades quickly, and Joe looks worried again.
Nick sighs. "No sense in panicking, then."
"Nope. Just wanted you to know what's out there about you guys." Joe pauses for a moment. "Do you need to call Logan and tell him?"
"He's in training, I think. I'll text him." He's stalling. Nick has no idea what he'd even say. Hey bro, you sure do look like you wanna kiss me in this picture online. Isn't that hilarious?
Except, huh. It's not really all that funny when Logan totally does look like he wants to kiss him, which is kind of surprising. Nick didn't notice him looking that way in the moment.
Nick briefly wonders what he would've said or done if he had.
Joe stands up, stretching out his arms in the way that people do when they want to casually end a conversation. "Alright, well, if you have any, uh, questions or whatever... we can talk about it. I won't tell mom and dad."
Oh, so Joe doesn't believe him. Nick should have protested, should have reacted reacted more strongly. Not in an offended or hurtful way, but, you know. At all.
"Joe, I'm not. I mean, Logan and I aren't." He trips on his words, trying to get them out before Joe left and took this idea with him. "He's just a friend."
Joe nods, moving towards the door. "Okay, Nick. I get it."
The first thing Nick does when Joe leaves the room is open his laptop. He goes directly to the post, and saves the picture (full size) to a buried folder. The same folder where he saved all of those pictures Miley had taken on her cell phone for him, which he sometimes thinks about deleting, considering how young they were when she'd taken them. She'd always been a little too far ahead of Nick, but it certainly had been... educational.
He looks at the picture of him and Logan again, bites his lip, then closes it just as quickly. Opens it again. He stares at the image, scrutinizing Logan's face. Even blown up to full screen, it gives no clues. Nick looks at it juxtaposed against the other thumbnails. Wonders how many girls had sent Logan pictures like that. Logan went to public school, knew a lot of girls. How is he even single? Ugh, he needs to talk to him.
Then Nick sits with his phone in his hand for a full five minutes, debating on how he should broach the subject. Laugh it off, as was his first inclination? Take it seriously? Or say anything at all? He tucks his phone back into his pocket with some level of frustration and sighs, walking out of his bedroom towards the music room.
He still needs to work on that song.
At noon, Nick gets into his truck and drives down to the gym where Logan's been training with a fencing expert for a few hours every weekend. He finds a parking space near the door, fidgets for a minute, then digs out his phone.
‘Come outside if u can,' he texts.
He doesn't get a reply, but a few agonizing minutes later, Logan appears at the door of the gym, a backpack slung over one shoulder, with his hair wet from the shower and face still glowing pink from the exercise.
Nick's nervous and he's not sure why. He honks the horn quickly and waves. Logan's whole face lights up and suddenly Nick also feels incredibly stupid.
Stupid for being afraid to text.
Stupid for worrying.
Stupid for showing up unannounced like some kind of psycho-stalker.
Logan reaches the passenger-side door and jumps in. "Hey man, what's up?"
Nick stumbles for a moment, and falls on the old ‘I was driving by and thought you might be hungry' excuse. "Lunch?"
Logan doesn't let on whether he believes it or not, but quickly agrees to food. "I've gotta be back in an hour, though." Like Nick was planning on kidnapping him for the afternoon.
Nick turns the ignition, pulls out of the space and into the busy road. He's not even sure where he's going, still doesn't really know L.A. well enough to drive on his own. They'd always had their parents or Big Rob or someone else drive them around so it was a miracle Nick even got his license, really. He wonders how people made their way around before GPS.
It's really a comfortable silence, but Logan pokes at the radio regardless, fiddling with the buttons and not finding anything either of them particularly enjoy. He's quieter than usual, and Nick immediately worries that Logan thinks he's creepy for showing up in the middle of a ‘work' day. Paranoid, he casts around his mind for a safe topic of conversation, but Logan speaks up first.
"So," and he draws it out, holding his O until he's sure he has Nick's attention (like it was possible for him not to), "my sister texted me. She said there was some stuff about us online." Oh God, he knows. "Guess that makes us official, hey?"
Nick could feel his face growing warm. He releases his grip on ten-and-two to nudge the air conditioning higher. "Officially what?"
"You know, Friends. Capital F. We've been ‘spotted together' by the press." The air quotes are implied by his voice, but his tone remains warm, casual. "Our big secret is out of the bag."
Nick frowned. "Secret?"
"Us being friends! It's out there!"
"Uh, so you haven't actually seen the post? Lindsey didn't tell you what it looks like?"
"She made fun of me for eating Pinkberry instead of actually ice cream, if that's what you mean."
"No, it's..." Nick wasn't expecting to have to describe it. He merges lanes and pulls in to an In N' Out parking lot. He maneuvers the truck into a space, cuts the engine and turns to look at Logan. He's gotta say it. "Perez said that we're dating. He drew little hearts."
"Oh." Logan's eyes went wide. "Oh, dude, that's... awesome. I mean, that's a new one for me!"
Not the reaction he was expecting. "It doesn't bother you?" he asks, cautious. Nick was feeling stupider by the second. Of course Logan wouldn't be bothered by it. He's too cool for that, and not in an annoying way. Ugh.
Logan raises his eyebrows slightly at the edge of panic in Nick's voice. "Not really. I mean, it was probably gonna be said by someone eventually. We have been spending a lot of time together, we've been going out and doing stuff. It's impossible to be close with anyone in this business without bullshit rumours like that getting started." He wiggles his eyebrows, adding "Especially with two young, attractive, single guys like us who aren't, you know, out acting like total douchebags."
Nick's stomach does a weird flip-flop, and he runs his hands through his hair, too embarrassed to speak. He thinks I'm attractive?
Logan shrugs, grins cheekily, and reaches for the door handle. "Don't worry about it, Nick. Just buy me a cheeseburger and we'll both pretend you didn't drive all the way downtown to apparently not talk about this." And with that, he jumps out of the truck, leaving Nick blushing behind the steering wheel.
"Damn." He scrambles out and follows Logan inside. "Damn, damn, damn."
Later that night, Logan's lying in bed and thinking about how stupidly easy it could have been to accidentally say something incriminating to Nick, but he didn't so he's proud of how he handled it. It's curious that Logan considers his nautical past to be the major secret that he's keeping from Nick, when there's also the small matter of his bisexuality that he hasn't exactly brought up in conversation.
Now, it's not that he thinks that Nick would drop him as a friend, or that it would negate anything they'd shared about past experiences or anything (although neither of them offered up much in the way of details-- Logan out of self-consciousness, Nick out of what Logan could determine was a combination of gentlemanly discretion and possibly a lack of much to brag about.) And he hadn't really left anything out when it came to rehashing actual relationships or lied to Nick, ‘cause Logan's never had a legit for-real boyfriend. But he'd fooled around with a couple of guys at parties in the past, and sometimes he'd been drunk but not always.
Logan isn't ashamed of it, but he also hasn't told his family, who would all be totally fine with it. Hell, they'd probably assume it was another part of his merman thing, and there wouldn't even be a discussion. And he's not even certain that the two things aren't related. But Logan doesn't feel comfortable really labelling himself yet, either. Or, apparently, talking openly about it with a new friend. Yet.
Really, he's just avoided all talk of drunken high school exploits in general, sensing that that sort of debauchery isn't Nick's thing, and it might make him uncomfortable. Besides, it's not like Logan's some kind of crazy partier, but he's always been very mature for his age, evidently thanks in some small part to his marine biology, and the combination of going to school in Beverly Hills and being on set with cast-mates sometimes twice his age meant that he'd had access to stuff that some kids, home-schooled religious Disneyfied kids, might not have.
He was put on land to enjoy himself and have a better life, right?
So when Nick started to panic about that picture online, Logan was glad he hadn't said anything. But, holy fuck, did he ever want that to be his window of opportunity. To smile charmingly and say "Oops! Looks like they totally caught me undressing you with my mind. Sorry, bro!" Nick would've been off like a shot, stranding him at the In ‘N Out. So he kept his mouth shut.
Not that Logan was anything less than genuine in their friendship. That was the shitty part. He wanted to tell Nick about that stuff, to be totally open and honest like he could always be with Dean (well, about most things-- merfolk past aside), but he also didn't want it to be awkward between them. And Dean wasn't someone he'd told intentionally, either. He'd walked in on some emo-haired junior boy sucking Logan's dick at a house party over the holidays. He'd caught Logan's eye, nodded approvingly, and walked out again. When Dean left to go back to school in January, they hadn't talked about it, but that was all there was to it.
Come to think of it, that's probably why Dean was being so cool about being blown off all the time. He probably assumed that he and Nick had something going on. Goddamn Dean Collins making assumptions and not saying a word.
Basically Logan liked Nick a lot, but that didn't necessarily immediately translate into Logan like-liking him, and he didn't want to risk Nick not understanding the difference. Well, okay, that wasn't exactly the truth and Logan knew it, he knew it every time Nick smiled at him or sent him a funny text or elbowed him in the ribs. Logan like-liked Nick fucking Jonas, but that didn't mean it had to change anything.
Logan still wanted the friendship they've quickly mashed together over the last two months, and he didn't want to be the one responsible for fucking that up just because he'd made out with a couple of guys well before they'd met... and okay, maybe this one drunk guy in particular who looked like Nick at this one especially crazy party a few weekends back. They'd ended up groping each other behind the garden shed, but really only for a few minutes, and then Logan just felt weird about it. He didn't even ask for the guy's number.
Considering all the other secrets he was keeping, it was all pretty stupid, really.
+++++
Nick doesn't know what to do about what he now thinks of as The Nicole Problem.
She's a genuinely nice girl, she's pretty, she's a good friend. And it's not even like he's not into her. Nicole's great! Why wouldn't he date her? She's totally girlfriend material!
But try as he might, he can't talk himself into it. Nick is not interested in dating her, he's not feeling the spark, although it's becoming increasingly clear that she is interested in him. They're basically seeing each other already, but Nick doesn't know hot to stop it without hurting her feelings. She's a co-worker, and if he screws things up, he'll still have to face her on set every day. But now spending time together outside of work has somehow spiraled into inviting herself places with him, and so sweetly that he can't say no. She's coming along to Kevin's Minute to Win It taping next week, having quickly snapped up the ticket when Joe said he couldn't make it, and now they're totally on a double-date with Joe and Demi. He hadn't actually even asked her out, it just seemed to have happened.
He should want this. He tells himself that he should want the attention of the media focused on him on dates with girls, attractive real live girls and not on alleged dates with Logan. He should want it to look real but dammit, he doesn't want to actually be real. He'd eventually have to kiss her or be alone with Nicole and honestly, that wouldn't be so bad. She's a good kisser. They'd filmed it, she was into it, and it looked good-- but it was getting cut for some ridiculous Disney version of the antiquated Hays Code. He could probably make it look real again. But he doesn't want it to be.
Nick pokes at the food on his plate, fretting about what the difference really is between dating someone publicly, in pictures on the internet and in gossip articles, and actually getting feelings involved. Nicole would never understand.
The internet is already coming up with a name-smush. He needs to nip this in the bud.
Honestly, he could deal with it more easily before, he's typically an upfront and honest sort of guy, but now he's distracted. It would all be manageable if Nick could stop thinking about what Logan was likely doing every other minute, what he'd think about the food, or what movie they could be watching instead of this evening of sometimes insipid conversation. Demi and Nicole are comparing names of people in bands they both know, bands Nick knows little about, and they're making plans to go to Warped tour together later in the summer. Joe looks vaguely interested, even though everyone at the table knows that Demi's skirting around the topic of her ex, Alex. Nobody is paying attention to Nick, so he texts Logan under the table.
‘rescue me? farfalla in los feliz'
What the hell is wrong with him? Nick's never been this taken by a new friend. A guy friend, anyway, and thank goodness there are movies about this now and he can throw around words like ‘bromance' without feeling all that uncomfortable. He should write Paul Rudd a thank you letter.
It takes Logan a few minutes to respond and in that time Nick considers adding a second text, but he can't decide between a ‘just kidding, lol' and ‘i thought ur job was to save my life, hero' but before he can tap out either one, he gets the reply he'd been hoping for:
‘be there in 20, stall/eat dessert if ur allowed'
The hardest part is making his escape. Joe had driven him there, but Nicole had offered to drive him home afterwards so Demi and Joe could go back to his new place alone. Awkward. And even then, he probably could have done it easily enough except there were photographers waiting for them outside. He could only hope that nobody would get pissed at him for taking off, and more importantly, nobody would get a shot of him walking away from his obviously-a-date to leave with Logan instead. That wouldn't help.
He's not afraid of being seen with Logan, but he's afraid of the headlines: "Nick Jonas dumps co-star for ‘Percy Jackson'!" "Nick Jonas ruins otherwise lovely evening for everyone!" "Nick Jonas is such an asshole!"
Nick struggles to come up with a legitimate excuse to leave, but finally he makes something up about Logan winning tickets to some midnight early showing of Exit Through the Gift Shop. They'd tried to get tickets, so it wasn't a total lie, he supposes. He has fewer qualms about leaving the group once he spots Logan's car waiting just inside the Citibank's parking lot across the street. Demi and Joe are up ahead and he can hear them giggling about something. Nick tries to make small talk as he and Nicole lag behind, but he can tell she's annoyed that he's leaving early. He asks about her car, how long it would take to get fixed. She'd been broken into recently, window smashed in, and was driving a rental. She mumbled something about getting it back soon and Nick just feels like a jerk for making her drive home alone.
Once they reach the little lot, he stands around long enough to chat, hug, and hope that Nicole's feelings aren't hurt too badly by him ditching her. Joe and Demi say their goodnights and they all try to ignore the photographers as best they can, going their separate ways.
Of course, Nick feels worse about lying when it's to his mom, who he dutifully calls halfway to Logan's car. "I'm going to a midnight movie with Logan tonight, is it okay if I just stay over at his place rather than drive home late?"
She's okay with it, asks how dinner was, how's Nicole, don't forget to check his levels and, remember they have that Radio Disney thing in the morning so be home early. He can't get off the phone fast enough, but he hastily hangs up and jumps into the passenger seat beside Logan, who greets him with a "Nice threads." The nice navy pinstripe suit Nick wore to dinner makes him feel incredibly over-dressed when he sees Logan relaxing in black jeans and a well-worn t-shirt. "I don't even think my suit for prom is even that nice."
Nick sighs and sinks back into the seat. "Thanks for coming. I hope you don't have plans because I'm inviting myself over."
Logan raises an eyebrow but offers a smile all the same, not asking questions. He just starts the car. "I guess we'll hit the 7-11 on the way home, then?"
Nick checks the time then realizes he has no idea how late stores are actually stay open. "Is like, Target still open? The one in WeHo is on the way, sort of. I can't exactly sleep in my suit."
He notices Logan clench his jaw, lips taut, and even in profile, Nick can tell that Logan is swallowing some kind of wise crack. "What?"
"I didn't say anything."
"You were thinking something, though."
Logan rolls his eyes and smirks. "Oh yeah? What are you, psychic? What was I about to say?"
Nick leans back against the headrest and closes his eyes. "I don't know, man. Something about me wanting to ‘slip into something more comfortable'?" He intones the last part quite saucily, and Logan cracks up.
"You said it, not me!"
"But you were thinking it! It's all over your face!"
Logan slows the vehicle as they approach a red light, and turns to look at Nick. "In that case, Mr. Jonas, why bother with pyjamas at all?" He winks suggestively, and they laugh even harder.
But in a cobwebby corner of his mind, Nick's also thinking that Logan makes an interesting point.
They end up watching a movie, of course. But rather than stopping at a department store for Nick to randomly buy new pyjamas at ten o'clock on a Thursday night, he just borrows a t-shirt and basketball shorts from Lucas. Logan is too slender for anything of his to fit Nick, but when Logan suggests Nick borrow from his brother, he substitutes the word "scrawny" when describing himself and looks sheepish, which Nick thinks is ridiculous.
He excuses himself to the washroom to change, and to quickly check his blood sugar. Logan knows all about his diabetes, but it's not something he needs an audience for.
Logan's parents are still up and watching something in the den, so instead they crowd together on the bed in his room, facing the TV with a bowl of popcorn between them. Nick stretches out and allows the evening's awkwardness with Nicole to fade quickly from memory. Logan is sitting up, back straight and drinking tea from a large mug, deeply entranced by whatever movie it was he'd put in. Nick wasn't sure. Something he'd Netflixed.
They've spent very little time at the Lerman house in the short time they've known each other, but Nick likes it here. Logan's bedroom walls are lined with shelves of movies and books, like he lives in a library. If Nick looked a little more carefully, he'd notice that several of those shelves held books in a particular theme: dusty tomes on the myths of Atlantis, a bunch of atlases, well-worn children's books about mermaids and water sprites, and newer paperbacks from small printing presses, collected works of academic papers on mythology and journal articles dissecting oceanic folklore. But Nick is too tired to peruse the titles, so Logan doesn't need to use a prepared excuse.
Perhaps it's because Nick's spent so much of his life on a tour bus, or moving from state to state, house to house, that to be tucked up under a microfleece blanket in the room where Logan grew up, Nick feels safe. Not that he doesn't feel safe in his own home or whatever, but it's just... comfortable. It's a house that feels lived in.
And yet, Nick can't relax.
Something about being in his personal space and so close to Logan, just inches away, is giving Nick a headache. Not that it's painful, it's just that his mind is full, too full, of this song, this melody, the same one that he'd been humming absently for weeks. He could have sat at the opposite end of the bed, and instead they're both crowded in the middle, as though drawn in by some gravitational force. He'd had his doubts about it before, but Nick was becoming more certain that the song was actually coming from Logan himself. He was the source and the cause all in one. It was irresistible.
Nick has no idea what the movie is about. It was all he could do to focus on not humming out loud, or grabbing the notebook in his brown leather satchel to try to capture the music on paper. It's getting clearer, more defined, less of a jumbled mess of notes and vague feelings or impressions of the sound.
Logan finishes his tea, sets his mug aside, stretches out his legs. He slouches back a little against the pillows, coming down to Nick's level, and kicking Nick's right leg lightly in the process.
Nick's whole body shakes from the sudden contact, skin-on-skin, like he's been dozing without realizing and has been jolted awake.
"Sorry," Logan mumbles, eyes still glued to the TV. "Are my feet that cold?"
He feels a weird tug in his belly, and Nick doesn't trust his voice to answer, but jerks a corner of his own blanket over to cover Logan's bare feet.
Logan, finally turning from the movie, takes this as an invitation and playfully yanks the whole blanket off Nick. He spreads it out onto himself. "Thanks!"
"Hey!" Nick squawks, and grabs the edge, pulling it back over. "See if I share with you again."
Logan is grinning and pulling himself up on his elbows. "You're too nice, Nick. You'll always share with me."
"Nuh-uh. Not after that stunt."
Logan looks down at Nick and sticks his lower lip out in a ridiculous puppy-dog face. "Come on. I'm sharing with you, aren't I?"
Nick blinks. "Are you?"
Logan stares at him for a second. "My bed, dude. I mean, unless you were planning on sleeping on the cold floor. Not gonna lie, I haven't swept in awhile."
Nick honestly hadn't even thought about it in those terms. He'd gotten as far as hanging out and watching movies all night in his mind, but hadn't really considered the part where he'd be sharing a bed with a guy who wasn't his brother.
They weren't kids anymore, so sleepovers are a little different. No Power Rangers pyjamas or sleeping-bags rolled out on the living-room carpet.
Somehow it just seems scandalous, and Nick's mind flicks back to how carried away he'd gotten with cleaning up Logan's cut-up knee. How he'd gotten so sucked into the motions and being close to Logan. How Logan had looked that day from Nick's perspective, kneeling in front of him. Nick's dick twitches a little and he frowns. "Your parents won't mind?"
"Um, it's already like midnight. I'm pretty sure they know you're up here for the night." Then, Nick thinks almost as an afterthought, Logan adds: "And that you're not a girl."
No. No, he isn't. And neither is Logan. Nick is very aware of this.
When the movie ends, the tussle over blankets ends as well, as they both end up between the sheets. Logan's bed is large enough that they've both got adequate space, but Nick still feels incredibly close.
Logan knows that, in the darkness and quiet of the room, it would probably be the appropriate time to confess his attraction to Nick, but also recognizes that it would most likely not work out in his favour (i.e., passionate blow-jobs for all-- Logan nearly groans aloud at the thought.) He almost feels like some kind of predator for letting Nick unwittingly share a bed with someone who wants in his pants, but telling him would probably mean he'd get uncomfortable and leave, and Logan was too tired and too selfish to drive Nick all the way home at this hour.
Nick yawns and hugs his pillow, and Logan wonders if the sheets smell like him, and whether Nick notices if they do. He feels like a shitty host for not even changing them to a clean set, although it's not as if Nick exactly gave him time to wash and press the linens before announcing his intention to come over and sleep beside him. At least his brother had clean clothes to lend Nick, because Logan couldn't imagine Nick trying to fit into something of his.
Well, he can, but the thought of Nick in a shirt that tight was more comical than sexy. He would've been better off not wearing anything at all.
Logan grins stupidly into the darkness at the idea, and mentally curses Lucas for conveniently being Nick's size. Well, back to being a half-assed host. "Um, wake me if you need anything?"
Nick just mumbles a sleepy "‘kay, goodnight" in return and he's quiet and facing away before Logan can second-guess his decision not to say anything.
Lying just inches apart from Nick's warm body, hearing his breathing slow, Logan tries to keep his skin from tingling, feels his dick getting hard anyway, and clenches his hands tightly to keep from touching himself. Jerking himself off with Nick less than a foot away would not be very good manners.
Except, ugh, he can't help it. Logan rolls away on his side, shoving his left hand into his pyjamas and wrapping a loose fist around himself. He stays silent, doesn't let himself move the way he does when he's alone, just long soft strokes with the ‘wrong' hand until he becomes too paranoid about the bed shaking or the motion or soft sounds waking Nick. Logan bites his lip and forces his eyes closed, trying to will his body back under control.
He sleeps but his dreams are full of Nick. Nick's mouth, Nick's hands, Nick being totally enthusiastically okay with everything.
The next morning, Logan's alarm clock goes off earlier than usual and his first words of the day are confused and colourful swears. He has training again in a few hours, but he swiftly remembers he's not alone in the bed. He has to drive Nick home so he can change before meeting up with his brothers for a radio thing. And as far as he knows, he got through the night without spooning Nick, moaning his name or playing grab-ass in his sleep. He hopes, anyway.
Nick squints into the morning sun just starting to filter into the room, clearly not normally an early riser, and his hair is uncharacteristically unkempt. But when he looks at Logan, he smiles sleepily, and Logan once again feels the familiar wave of a helpless, unchecked crush.
Part 3/3.
Joe comes home one Saturday morning and pulls Nick aside, holding out his iPhone.
"Dude, I know you don't usually look at this garbage, but Perez has a picture of you and this Logan kid making moon-eyes at each other." His face is unusually serious. "Is there, uh, anything going on I should know about?"
Nick takes the phone from his brother, and says nothing. His natural reaction should be to deny: ‘absolutely not', ‘what the hell', ‘Logan is a boy who is my friend, not my boyfriend', or even just ‘no!'... but instead he sits there, brow furrowed, staring at the small pixellated image on Joe's phone.
The picture does kind of look pretty gay. They were strolling along the sidewalk eating dishes of frozen yogurt, rather than doing something super manly like extreme sports or driving some pimped-out SUV. He and Logan with little hearts drawn around their heads, and some lame caption about them being young lovers on a date. He doesn't read on, but Nick assumes that it's peppered with jokes about purity rings and maybe something rude about Selena.
Date. Date. Logan had legitimately been his totally-platonic plus-one to the Disney's Oceans premiere a few weeks previous, but that was just because of, you know, how they'd met, so it was funny and Logan seemed to spend a lot of time at the beach. Nick thought that Logan'd like it, so why wouldn't he invite him?
Except, nobody saw them together at that event. Nick had had to walk the carpet, whereas Logan skipped the press-line, not wanting to talk about Spider-man rumors, and really having nothing else to promote. They met up inside.
Now there's this.
Joe waits patiently for Nick to react, arms folded. Nick knows that Joe would probably wait like that for hours, despite his usual energy, because he'd sensed that this was important.
Nick knows he has to say something, but continues, for whatever reason, to avoid the obvious denial. Finally the right response comes to him. Deflect. "What did you do in this situation, when they said this about you?" Joe has had his share of blogs spread rumours about his sexuality, about he and his friend Martin, but Martin was publicly out, and to Nick's knowledge, none of those rumours had been founded in anything else. Joe wasn't in love with Martin, and as far as Nick knew, he isn't attracted to men. He's with Demi, and they seem pretty solid.
"Just ignore it." Joe smiles, leans down from his perch on the arm of the couch, bracing an arm on Nick's shoulder, and tries to keep his tone light. "Little brother, they're going to be jerks either way. What matters most is that you don't let it affect your friendship. They're just pictures, and not even very interesting ones. Don't acknowledge them." But his smile fades quickly, and Joe looks worried again.
Nick sighs. "No sense in panicking, then."
"Nope. Just wanted you to know what's out there about you guys." Joe pauses for a moment. "Do you need to call Logan and tell him?"
"He's in training, I think. I'll text him." He's stalling. Nick has no idea what he'd even say. Hey bro, you sure do look like you wanna kiss me in this picture online. Isn't that hilarious?
Except, huh. It's not really all that funny when Logan totally does look like he wants to kiss him, which is kind of surprising. Nick didn't notice him looking that way in the moment.
Nick briefly wonders what he would've said or done if he had.
Joe stands up, stretching out his arms in the way that people do when they want to casually end a conversation. "Alright, well, if you have any, uh, questions or whatever... we can talk about it. I won't tell mom and dad."
Oh, so Joe doesn't believe him. Nick should have protested, should have reacted reacted more strongly. Not in an offended or hurtful way, but, you know. At all.
"Joe, I'm not. I mean, Logan and I aren't." He trips on his words, trying to get them out before Joe left and took this idea with him. "He's just a friend."
Joe nods, moving towards the door. "Okay, Nick. I get it."
The first thing Nick does when Joe leaves the room is open his laptop. He goes directly to the post, and saves the picture (full size) to a buried folder. The same folder where he saved all of those pictures Miley had taken on her cell phone for him, which he sometimes thinks about deleting, considering how young they were when she'd taken them. She'd always been a little too far ahead of Nick, but it certainly had been... educational.
He looks at the picture of him and Logan again, bites his lip, then closes it just as quickly. Opens it again. He stares at the image, scrutinizing Logan's face. Even blown up to full screen, it gives no clues. Nick looks at it juxtaposed against the other thumbnails. Wonders how many girls had sent Logan pictures like that. Logan went to public school, knew a lot of girls. How is he even single? Ugh, he needs to talk to him.
Then Nick sits with his phone in his hand for a full five minutes, debating on how he should broach the subject. Laugh it off, as was his first inclination? Take it seriously? Or say anything at all? He tucks his phone back into his pocket with some level of frustration and sighs, walking out of his bedroom towards the music room.
He still needs to work on that song.
At noon, Nick gets into his truck and drives down to the gym where Logan's been training with a fencing expert for a few hours every weekend. He finds a parking space near the door, fidgets for a minute, then digs out his phone.
‘Come outside if u can,' he texts.
He doesn't get a reply, but a few agonizing minutes later, Logan appears at the door of the gym, a backpack slung over one shoulder, with his hair wet from the shower and face still glowing pink from the exercise.
Nick's nervous and he's not sure why. He honks the horn quickly and waves. Logan's whole face lights up and suddenly Nick also feels incredibly stupid.
Stupid for being afraid to text.
Stupid for worrying.
Stupid for showing up unannounced like some kind of psycho-stalker.
Logan reaches the passenger-side door and jumps in. "Hey man, what's up?"
Nick stumbles for a moment, and falls on the old ‘I was driving by and thought you might be hungry' excuse. "Lunch?"
Logan doesn't let on whether he believes it or not, but quickly agrees to food. "I've gotta be back in an hour, though." Like Nick was planning on kidnapping him for the afternoon.
Nick turns the ignition, pulls out of the space and into the busy road. He's not even sure where he's going, still doesn't really know L.A. well enough to drive on his own. They'd always had their parents or Big Rob or someone else drive them around so it was a miracle Nick even got his license, really. He wonders how people made their way around before GPS.
It's really a comfortable silence, but Logan pokes at the radio regardless, fiddling with the buttons and not finding anything either of them particularly enjoy. He's quieter than usual, and Nick immediately worries that Logan thinks he's creepy for showing up in the middle of a ‘work' day. Paranoid, he casts around his mind for a safe topic of conversation, but Logan speaks up first.
"So," and he draws it out, holding his O until he's sure he has Nick's attention (like it was possible for him not to), "my sister texted me. She said there was some stuff about us online." Oh God, he knows. "Guess that makes us official, hey?"
Nick could feel his face growing warm. He releases his grip on ten-and-two to nudge the air conditioning higher. "Officially what?"
"You know, Friends. Capital F. We've been ‘spotted together' by the press." The air quotes are implied by his voice, but his tone remains warm, casual. "Our big secret is out of the bag."
Nick frowned. "Secret?"
"Us being friends! It's out there!"
"Uh, so you haven't actually seen the post? Lindsey didn't tell you what it looks like?"
"She made fun of me for eating Pinkberry instead of actually ice cream, if that's what you mean."
"No, it's..." Nick wasn't expecting to have to describe it. He merges lanes and pulls in to an In N' Out parking lot. He maneuvers the truck into a space, cuts the engine and turns to look at Logan. He's gotta say it. "Perez said that we're dating. He drew little hearts."
"Oh." Logan's eyes went wide. "Oh, dude, that's... awesome. I mean, that's a new one for me!"
Not the reaction he was expecting. "It doesn't bother you?" he asks, cautious. Nick was feeling stupider by the second. Of course Logan wouldn't be bothered by it. He's too cool for that, and not in an annoying way. Ugh.
Logan raises his eyebrows slightly at the edge of panic in Nick's voice. "Not really. I mean, it was probably gonna be said by someone eventually. We have been spending a lot of time together, we've been going out and doing stuff. It's impossible to be close with anyone in this business without bullshit rumours like that getting started." He wiggles his eyebrows, adding "Especially with two young, attractive, single guys like us who aren't, you know, out acting like total douchebags."
Nick's stomach does a weird flip-flop, and he runs his hands through his hair, too embarrassed to speak. He thinks I'm attractive?
Logan shrugs, grins cheekily, and reaches for the door handle. "Don't worry about it, Nick. Just buy me a cheeseburger and we'll both pretend you didn't drive all the way downtown to apparently not talk about this." And with that, he jumps out of the truck, leaving Nick blushing behind the steering wheel.
"Damn." He scrambles out and follows Logan inside. "Damn, damn, damn."
Later that night, Logan's lying in bed and thinking about how stupidly easy it could have been to accidentally say something incriminating to Nick, but he didn't so he's proud of how he handled it. It's curious that Logan considers his nautical past to be the major secret that he's keeping from Nick, when there's also the small matter of his bisexuality that he hasn't exactly brought up in conversation.
Now, it's not that he thinks that Nick would drop him as a friend, or that it would negate anything they'd shared about past experiences or anything (although neither of them offered up much in the way of details-- Logan out of self-consciousness, Nick out of what Logan could determine was a combination of gentlemanly discretion and possibly a lack of much to brag about.) And he hadn't really left anything out when it came to rehashing actual relationships or lied to Nick, ‘cause Logan's never had a legit for-real boyfriend. But he'd fooled around with a couple of guys at parties in the past, and sometimes he'd been drunk but not always.
Logan isn't ashamed of it, but he also hasn't told his family, who would all be totally fine with it. Hell, they'd probably assume it was another part of his merman thing, and there wouldn't even be a discussion. And he's not even certain that the two things aren't related. But Logan doesn't feel comfortable really labelling himself yet, either. Or, apparently, talking openly about it with a new friend. Yet.
Really, he's just avoided all talk of drunken high school exploits in general, sensing that that sort of debauchery isn't Nick's thing, and it might make him uncomfortable. Besides, it's not like Logan's some kind of crazy partier, but he's always been very mature for his age, evidently thanks in some small part to his marine biology, and the combination of going to school in Beverly Hills and being on set with cast-mates sometimes twice his age meant that he'd had access to stuff that some kids, home-schooled religious Disneyfied kids, might not have.
He was put on land to enjoy himself and have a better life, right?
So when Nick started to panic about that picture online, Logan was glad he hadn't said anything. But, holy fuck, did he ever want that to be his window of opportunity. To smile charmingly and say "Oops! Looks like they totally caught me undressing you with my mind. Sorry, bro!" Nick would've been off like a shot, stranding him at the In ‘N Out. So he kept his mouth shut.
Not that Logan was anything less than genuine in their friendship. That was the shitty part. He wanted to tell Nick about that stuff, to be totally open and honest like he could always be with Dean (well, about most things-- merfolk past aside), but he also didn't want it to be awkward between them. And Dean wasn't someone he'd told intentionally, either. He'd walked in on some emo-haired junior boy sucking Logan's dick at a house party over the holidays. He'd caught Logan's eye, nodded approvingly, and walked out again. When Dean left to go back to school in January, they hadn't talked about it, but that was all there was to it.
Come to think of it, that's probably why Dean was being so cool about being blown off all the time. He probably assumed that he and Nick had something going on. Goddamn Dean Collins making assumptions and not saying a word.
Basically Logan liked Nick a lot, but that didn't necessarily immediately translate into Logan like-liking him, and he didn't want to risk Nick not understanding the difference. Well, okay, that wasn't exactly the truth and Logan knew it, he knew it every time Nick smiled at him or sent him a funny text or elbowed him in the ribs. Logan like-liked Nick fucking Jonas, but that didn't mean it had to change anything.
Logan still wanted the friendship they've quickly mashed together over the last two months, and he didn't want to be the one responsible for fucking that up just because he'd made out with a couple of guys well before they'd met... and okay, maybe this one drunk guy in particular who looked like Nick at this one especially crazy party a few weekends back. They'd ended up groping each other behind the garden shed, but really only for a few minutes, and then Logan just felt weird about it. He didn't even ask for the guy's number.
Considering all the other secrets he was keeping, it was all pretty stupid, really.
+++++
Nick doesn't know what to do about what he now thinks of as The Nicole Problem.
She's a genuinely nice girl, she's pretty, she's a good friend. And it's not even like he's not into her. Nicole's great! Why wouldn't he date her? She's totally girlfriend material!
But try as he might, he can't talk himself into it. Nick is not interested in dating her, he's not feeling the spark, although it's becoming increasingly clear that she is interested in him. They're basically seeing each other already, but Nick doesn't know hot to stop it without hurting her feelings. She's a co-worker, and if he screws things up, he'll still have to face her on set every day. But now spending time together outside of work has somehow spiraled into inviting herself places with him, and so sweetly that he can't say no. She's coming along to Kevin's Minute to Win It taping next week, having quickly snapped up the ticket when Joe said he couldn't make it, and now they're totally on a double-date with Joe and Demi. He hadn't actually even asked her out, it just seemed to have happened.
He should want this. He tells himself that he should want the attention of the media focused on him on dates with girls, attractive real live girls and not on alleged dates with Logan. He should want it to look real but dammit, he doesn't want to actually be real. He'd eventually have to kiss her or be alone with Nicole and honestly, that wouldn't be so bad. She's a good kisser. They'd filmed it, she was into it, and it looked good-- but it was getting cut for some ridiculous Disney version of the antiquated Hays Code. He could probably make it look real again. But he doesn't want it to be.
Nick pokes at the food on his plate, fretting about what the difference really is between dating someone publicly, in pictures on the internet and in gossip articles, and actually getting feelings involved. Nicole would never understand.
The internet is already coming up with a name-smush. He needs to nip this in the bud.
Honestly, he could deal with it more easily before, he's typically an upfront and honest sort of guy, but now he's distracted. It would all be manageable if Nick could stop thinking about what Logan was likely doing every other minute, what he'd think about the food, or what movie they could be watching instead of this evening of sometimes insipid conversation. Demi and Nicole are comparing names of people in bands they both know, bands Nick knows little about, and they're making plans to go to Warped tour together later in the summer. Joe looks vaguely interested, even though everyone at the table knows that Demi's skirting around the topic of her ex, Alex. Nobody is paying attention to Nick, so he texts Logan under the table.
‘rescue me? farfalla in los feliz'
What the hell is wrong with him? Nick's never been this taken by a new friend. A guy friend, anyway, and thank goodness there are movies about this now and he can throw around words like ‘bromance' without feeling all that uncomfortable. He should write Paul Rudd a thank you letter.
It takes Logan a few minutes to respond and in that time Nick considers adding a second text, but he can't decide between a ‘just kidding, lol' and ‘i thought ur job was to save my life, hero' but before he can tap out either one, he gets the reply he'd been hoping for:
‘be there in 20, stall/eat dessert if ur allowed'
The hardest part is making his escape. Joe had driven him there, but Nicole had offered to drive him home afterwards so Demi and Joe could go back to his new place alone. Awkward. And even then, he probably could have done it easily enough except there were photographers waiting for them outside. He could only hope that nobody would get pissed at him for taking off, and more importantly, nobody would get a shot of him walking away from his obviously-a-date to leave with Logan instead. That wouldn't help.
He's not afraid of being seen with Logan, but he's afraid of the headlines: "Nick Jonas dumps co-star for ‘Percy Jackson'!" "Nick Jonas ruins otherwise lovely evening for everyone!" "Nick Jonas is such an asshole!"
Nick struggles to come up with a legitimate excuse to leave, but finally he makes something up about Logan winning tickets to some midnight early showing of Exit Through the Gift Shop. They'd tried to get tickets, so it wasn't a total lie, he supposes. He has fewer qualms about leaving the group once he spots Logan's car waiting just inside the Citibank's parking lot across the street. Demi and Joe are up ahead and he can hear them giggling about something. Nick tries to make small talk as he and Nicole lag behind, but he can tell she's annoyed that he's leaving early. He asks about her car, how long it would take to get fixed. She'd been broken into recently, window smashed in, and was driving a rental. She mumbled something about getting it back soon and Nick just feels like a jerk for making her drive home alone.
Once they reach the little lot, he stands around long enough to chat, hug, and hope that Nicole's feelings aren't hurt too badly by him ditching her. Joe and Demi say their goodnights and they all try to ignore the photographers as best they can, going their separate ways.
Of course, Nick feels worse about lying when it's to his mom, who he dutifully calls halfway to Logan's car. "I'm going to a midnight movie with Logan tonight, is it okay if I just stay over at his place rather than drive home late?"
She's okay with it, asks how dinner was, how's Nicole, don't forget to check his levels and, remember they have that Radio Disney thing in the morning so be home early. He can't get off the phone fast enough, but he hastily hangs up and jumps into the passenger seat beside Logan, who greets him with a "Nice threads." The nice navy pinstripe suit Nick wore to dinner makes him feel incredibly over-dressed when he sees Logan relaxing in black jeans and a well-worn t-shirt. "I don't even think my suit for prom is even that nice."
Nick sighs and sinks back into the seat. "Thanks for coming. I hope you don't have plans because I'm inviting myself over."
Logan raises an eyebrow but offers a smile all the same, not asking questions. He just starts the car. "I guess we'll hit the 7-11 on the way home, then?"
Nick checks the time then realizes he has no idea how late stores are actually stay open. "Is like, Target still open? The one in WeHo is on the way, sort of. I can't exactly sleep in my suit."
He notices Logan clench his jaw, lips taut, and even in profile, Nick can tell that Logan is swallowing some kind of wise crack. "What?"
"I didn't say anything."
"You were thinking something, though."
Logan rolls his eyes and smirks. "Oh yeah? What are you, psychic? What was I about to say?"
Nick leans back against the headrest and closes his eyes. "I don't know, man. Something about me wanting to ‘slip into something more comfortable'?" He intones the last part quite saucily, and Logan cracks up.
"You said it, not me!"
"But you were thinking it! It's all over your face!"
Logan slows the vehicle as they approach a red light, and turns to look at Nick. "In that case, Mr. Jonas, why bother with pyjamas at all?" He winks suggestively, and they laugh even harder.
But in a cobwebby corner of his mind, Nick's also thinking that Logan makes an interesting point.
They end up watching a movie, of course. But rather than stopping at a department store for Nick to randomly buy new pyjamas at ten o'clock on a Thursday night, he just borrows a t-shirt and basketball shorts from Lucas. Logan is too slender for anything of his to fit Nick, but when Logan suggests Nick borrow from his brother, he substitutes the word "scrawny" when describing himself and looks sheepish, which Nick thinks is ridiculous.
He excuses himself to the washroom to change, and to quickly check his blood sugar. Logan knows all about his diabetes, but it's not something he needs an audience for.
Logan's parents are still up and watching something in the den, so instead they crowd together on the bed in his room, facing the TV with a bowl of popcorn between them. Nick stretches out and allows the evening's awkwardness with Nicole to fade quickly from memory. Logan is sitting up, back straight and drinking tea from a large mug, deeply entranced by whatever movie it was he'd put in. Nick wasn't sure. Something he'd Netflixed.
They've spent very little time at the Lerman house in the short time they've known each other, but Nick likes it here. Logan's bedroom walls are lined with shelves of movies and books, like he lives in a library. If Nick looked a little more carefully, he'd notice that several of those shelves held books in a particular theme: dusty tomes on the myths of Atlantis, a bunch of atlases, well-worn children's books about mermaids and water sprites, and newer paperbacks from small printing presses, collected works of academic papers on mythology and journal articles dissecting oceanic folklore. But Nick is too tired to peruse the titles, so Logan doesn't need to use a prepared excuse.
Perhaps it's because Nick's spent so much of his life on a tour bus, or moving from state to state, house to house, that to be tucked up under a microfleece blanket in the room where Logan grew up, Nick feels safe. Not that he doesn't feel safe in his own home or whatever, but it's just... comfortable. It's a house that feels lived in.
And yet, Nick can't relax.
Something about being in his personal space and so close to Logan, just inches away, is giving Nick a headache. Not that it's painful, it's just that his mind is full, too full, of this song, this melody, the same one that he'd been humming absently for weeks. He could have sat at the opposite end of the bed, and instead they're both crowded in the middle, as though drawn in by some gravitational force. He'd had his doubts about it before, but Nick was becoming more certain that the song was actually coming from Logan himself. He was the source and the cause all in one. It was irresistible.
Nick has no idea what the movie is about. It was all he could do to focus on not humming out loud, or grabbing the notebook in his brown leather satchel to try to capture the music on paper. It's getting clearer, more defined, less of a jumbled mess of notes and vague feelings or impressions of the sound.
Logan finishes his tea, sets his mug aside, stretches out his legs. He slouches back a little against the pillows, coming down to Nick's level, and kicking Nick's right leg lightly in the process.
Nick's whole body shakes from the sudden contact, skin-on-skin, like he's been dozing without realizing and has been jolted awake.
"Sorry," Logan mumbles, eyes still glued to the TV. "Are my feet that cold?"
He feels a weird tug in his belly, and Nick doesn't trust his voice to answer, but jerks a corner of his own blanket over to cover Logan's bare feet.
Logan, finally turning from the movie, takes this as an invitation and playfully yanks the whole blanket off Nick. He spreads it out onto himself. "Thanks!"
"Hey!" Nick squawks, and grabs the edge, pulling it back over. "See if I share with you again."
Logan is grinning and pulling himself up on his elbows. "You're too nice, Nick. You'll always share with me."
"Nuh-uh. Not after that stunt."
Logan looks down at Nick and sticks his lower lip out in a ridiculous puppy-dog face. "Come on. I'm sharing with you, aren't I?"
Nick blinks. "Are you?"
Logan stares at him for a second. "My bed, dude. I mean, unless you were planning on sleeping on the cold floor. Not gonna lie, I haven't swept in awhile."
Nick honestly hadn't even thought about it in those terms. He'd gotten as far as hanging out and watching movies all night in his mind, but hadn't really considered the part where he'd be sharing a bed with a guy who wasn't his brother.
They weren't kids anymore, so sleepovers are a little different. No Power Rangers pyjamas or sleeping-bags rolled out on the living-room carpet.
Somehow it just seems scandalous, and Nick's mind flicks back to how carried away he'd gotten with cleaning up Logan's cut-up knee. How he'd gotten so sucked into the motions and being close to Logan. How Logan had looked that day from Nick's perspective, kneeling in front of him. Nick's dick twitches a little and he frowns. "Your parents won't mind?"
"Um, it's already like midnight. I'm pretty sure they know you're up here for the night." Then, Nick thinks almost as an afterthought, Logan adds: "And that you're not a girl."
No. No, he isn't. And neither is Logan. Nick is very aware of this.
When the movie ends, the tussle over blankets ends as well, as they both end up between the sheets. Logan's bed is large enough that they've both got adequate space, but Nick still feels incredibly close.
Logan knows that, in the darkness and quiet of the room, it would probably be the appropriate time to confess his attraction to Nick, but also recognizes that it would most likely not work out in his favour (i.e., passionate blow-jobs for all-- Logan nearly groans aloud at the thought.) He almost feels like some kind of predator for letting Nick unwittingly share a bed with someone who wants in his pants, but telling him would probably mean he'd get uncomfortable and leave, and Logan was too tired and too selfish to drive Nick all the way home at this hour.
Nick yawns and hugs his pillow, and Logan wonders if the sheets smell like him, and whether Nick notices if they do. He feels like a shitty host for not even changing them to a clean set, although it's not as if Nick exactly gave him time to wash and press the linens before announcing his intention to come over and sleep beside him. At least his brother had clean clothes to lend Nick, because Logan couldn't imagine Nick trying to fit into something of his.
Well, he can, but the thought of Nick in a shirt that tight was more comical than sexy. He would've been better off not wearing anything at all.
Logan grins stupidly into the darkness at the idea, and mentally curses Lucas for conveniently being Nick's size. Well, back to being a half-assed host. "Um, wake me if you need anything?"
Nick just mumbles a sleepy "‘kay, goodnight" in return and he's quiet and facing away before Logan can second-guess his decision not to say anything.
Lying just inches apart from Nick's warm body, hearing his breathing slow, Logan tries to keep his skin from tingling, feels his dick getting hard anyway, and clenches his hands tightly to keep from touching himself. Jerking himself off with Nick less than a foot away would not be very good manners.
Except, ugh, he can't help it. Logan rolls away on his side, shoving his left hand into his pyjamas and wrapping a loose fist around himself. He stays silent, doesn't let himself move the way he does when he's alone, just long soft strokes with the ‘wrong' hand until he becomes too paranoid about the bed shaking or the motion or soft sounds waking Nick. Logan bites his lip and forces his eyes closed, trying to will his body back under control.
He sleeps but his dreams are full of Nick. Nick's mouth, Nick's hands, Nick being totally enthusiastically okay with everything.
The next morning, Logan's alarm clock goes off earlier than usual and his first words of the day are confused and colourful swears. He has training again in a few hours, but he swiftly remembers he's not alone in the bed. He has to drive Nick home so he can change before meeting up with his brothers for a radio thing. And as far as he knows, he got through the night without spooning Nick, moaning his name or playing grab-ass in his sleep. He hopes, anyway.
Nick squints into the morning sun just starting to filter into the room, clearly not normally an early riser, and his hair is uncharacteristically unkempt. But when he looks at Logan, he smiles sleepily, and Logan once again feels the familiar wave of a helpless, unchecked crush.
Part 3/3.