Other things may change us..

[roadhouse_mama]

Who; Castiel and Ellen Harvelle
What; A show of support for family
Where; the library
When; Saturday afternoon
Rating; pg-13ish
Status; Ongoing, closed

Comments

[to_rebel]

Wonder of wonders, he actually heard Ellen coming. Light footsteps had echoed quietly in the library and, mere moments before she spoke, he'd been able to pinpoint her presence. As she spoke, he carefully tucked away the book he'd been thumbing through; it was old and worn and, most incredibly, written in Enochian. It would require further reading, as soon as he could manage. There might be more in the library of interest.

He turned toward her and shook his head. "There are ancient texts housed here. I thought I might find something of use." So far, he'd found interesting things, but nothing of actual use. At least it wasn't boring.

[roadhouse_mama]

"That'd probably explain why Bobby and Sam have all but set up shop in here," she said with a wry smile. Since he'd healed up, Bobby had headed right back to his research as if nothing had happened. Stubborn old coot.

"Bobby said that he's been talking to Dean, and I've gotta admit, neither one of us are liking what he has to say. About you, Balthazar and what's supposed to happen in the future."

She held up a hand to stop any inevitable protest or explanation. "Of all people, he should know better."

[to_rebel]

He should have known that he couldn't keep this secret for much longer. Castiel often perused the network, reading and listening to whatever wasn't privated or filtered to certain people. Catching Dean uttering the phrase "stop Castiel" to Balthazar had gone a long way toward dashing all his hopes that this be kept quiet and private. He took a breath, quelling the instinctual desire to just walk away, and motioned toward the nearby table and chairs.

Wordlessly, he sat, fidgeting only a little with the book that sat on the table before he folded his hands together in a deliberate motion. He would not fidget. It took him a moment to find his voice. This was one of the last things he wanted to talk about.

Last thing he wanted to talk about or not, he couldn't hide it anymore. "I'm not sure what's been said." In point of fact, Dean had been quiet on the subject. Castiel had thought it dropped before finding that conversation on the tablet. "What do you know?" He paused. "And what would you like to know?"

[roadhouse_mama]

Ellen reached across the table and squeezed his hands with a quiet smile. "Not enough. But that's not why I'm here, and I'm not here to ask. If you haven't told us, then you've had a good reason not to. We try not to make it a habit of horning in on other people's personal lives, especially when they're family."

She sighed, still wondering what had gone wrong between Dean and Castiel for things to suddenly feel so strained. Since his return, he'd spent little time at the Roadhouse and felt more like a stranger then when they'd first met.

"Cas, no one is fated to do anything. What may have happened in Balthazar's future isn't set in stone. The Castiel that did it? Isn't you. Won't be you." Her voice was as firm and steady as her belief. They were all killers; they'd all hunted and killed creatures - but Cas was no murderer. She was certain of it.

[to_rebel]

Castiel watched Ellen's hands over his for a moment. 'Not enough' was, if he could help it, going to remain her answer for now. In all honesty, he didn't know enough to tell any parts of it without simply raising more questions than answers. It was between him and Balthazar right now -- though neither of them wanted to confront the issue. He hoped it would remain between estranged brothers, without commentary and action from outside sources. He nodded, but didn't offer her any more explanation.

"I won't let it be," he said. "Last week, that creature had somehow taken the form of Balthazar." He didn't mention the fields of dead bodies that had replaced the forest; familiar dead bodies and hands coated in blood. "I couldn't defend myself." He looked her in the eye when he said it: this was not a weakness that he was admitting to. It was a renewed strength of will that had somehow been buried under incident after incident in the Underworld.

He'd been warned of the future; he'd somehow make it right.

[roadhouse_mama]

She pulled her hands back, mindful of the fact that Cas was still a little uncomfortable with too much physical contact. She was also gratified beyond words to hear that strengthened resolve in his voice. Not that Ellen had ever doubted Castiel's strength or his sheer determination; but everything that he had suffered even in her short time in the Underworld was a lot to ask of any creature, heavenly or not.

Whatever happened, or would happen, between Cas and Balthazar was strictly that. Between them. She had no intention of getting involved.

"I know you won't. But I talked to Bobby. He's worried that Dean doesn't feel the same."

[to_rebel]

Uncomfortable he may be with too much physical contact, it was reassuring that Ellen tried -- and heartening that she took his discomfort into consideration. (In all honesty, it was less discomfort and more confusion. He simply did not know what to do with such contact.) He pulled his hands back, fingers loosely clasped together and regarded the edge of the table for a long moment.

"I hadn't realized that Dean knew." If Dean had been speaking with Bobby, then that meant that Sam also probably knew. Why no one had bothered to speak to him was troubling. More than troubling; in fact, indignation was beginning to well in him. "I told him that he could trust Balthazar. I didn't think he'd..." Castiel trailed off with a shrug. He honestly didn't think that that meant Dean would track down Balthazar. "I had hoped that this could stay between Balthazar and I. Once I had my questions answered, I had planned to speak with Dean and Sam."

Dean and Sam had faced a written future and changed fate; guidance would have been especially appreciated

[roadhouse_mama]

Naturally Dean would track down Balthazar. He was stubborn as a damned mule when he got an idea into his head, and if he didn't get the answers he wanted, he'd turn a place upside down to get them. "I don't think Dean even understands what he knows. From what Bobby told me, it didn't seem to make much sense."

"You might want to track down Sam instead, Cas. If anyone knows what it's like to kick fate in the teeth, it's Sam." His future had been determined from the time he was a baby, and he'd proved every one of them false.

[to_rebel]

Castiel sighed. Yes, of course. Speak to Sam. He had been planning on it, after he knew what exactly had gone on between he, the boys, and Balthazar. That, of course, meant finding a way to speak to Balthazar, which wouldn't happen anytime soon.

Apparently, it had all been pushed forward.

He nodded, lips pressed together.

[roadhouse_mama]

Ellen really didn't like not knowing the entire story. But she had made up her mind that she wouldn't press for details. She pushed away from the table, rounding to stand beside Cas and lay her hand on his shoulder.

"We have faith in you." It was one of those things that always seemed to go unsaid, but the situation demanded that she give voice to it. "Always have."

[to_rebel]

Castiel nodded, leaning back and sighing softly. They had faith in him, did they? He wondered why, in all honesty. He hadn't done much to deserve it, but he could try to prove them right in their faith.

"Thank you."