Comments | underworldlogs: i don't know how much more love this heart can lose

morethanwhoiam in underworldlogs

i don't know how much more love this heart can lose

Feb 25, 2012 23:22

Who; Kate Beckett and Richard Castle
What; Kate's recovering from her wounds, and gets a surprise visitor.
Where; The Clinic
When; Maybe a day or so after this post
Rating; PG-13
Status; Closed; Ongoing

( and i'm dying, dying from these exit wounds )

castle: richard castle, castle: kate beckett

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myjobpaysbetter February 26 2012, 15:19:40 UTC

He hadn't gone to her when it first happened. He'd been a good boy and stayed put, let someone else go and do what he desperately wanted to do, but she wasn't going to keep him away from her now that was over..

Castle knocks on the door to the room as he opens it. "Hey..."

He steps inside and closes the door behind him. He's ready for her to fight, he's expecting it in fact. "Feeling better?"

Stupid question he knows, but he's not sure right now exactly what to say, just yet.

morethanwhoiam February 26 2012, 18:15:42 UTC

Kate's eyes flash to him, alarmed at his entry. She'd known he'd come, sooner or later; what she wasn't sure of was how long it would take for him to come, or what kind of mood he would be in when he got there.

She offers him something of a smile, trying to sit up in bed and look him the eye. "Yeah, better. I'm hoping I get out of here soon, I'm pretty tired of being cooped up."

myjobpaysbetter February 27 2012, 15:25:57 UTC

"I expected as much, never figured you for the type who'd be content to sit in a hospital bed." He's casual and normal, he smiles fond and probably more affectionate than he means it to be, he's relieved. He can't help it.

Castle moves over to sit, he hesitates a moment before taking a seat in the chair next to the bed, despite the fact he'd rather sit with her.

"Kate, I...wanted to be there, you know that. I'm sorry." Castle drops his gaze, looking down at his jeans and swiping away lint that isn't there.

"I let you down. Back there in the cemetery... I could have reacted faster. I saw him... I saw him, and I hesitated just a moment, because...I wasn't sure what I saw." He looks up slowly... "That moment could have made all the difference. So, I know we talked about this already, but... you didn't fail anyone. I failed you."

Now he might, be bracing internally for the blasting she's probably going to give him. He wants to tell her that he meant it.. That he MEANT what he said. He does love her. He wants to tell her he would ( ... )

morethanwhoiam February 27 2012, 19:51:32 UTC

She just stares at him, her mouth agape.

"Castle..." God, she doesn't even know what to say. There's plenty to say really; she could yell at him for coming to her, because how could he be so stupid to put himself in the way of a sniper and for what? She could yell at him for even being here, because even though she knows it's not his fault it still pisses her off. She could yell at him for professing his love, tell him that he's wasting his time and for God's sake, they've been friends for four years, can't they just move on already?

But for some reason, she's caught in a state of rare logic and clarity when it comes to Castle. Because she knows she can not yell at him for things that she would have done in a heartbeat, if the situation had been reversed.

"This isn't your fault," she finally tells him. "You didn't let me down. You've..." You've been there for me every time. You've pushed me to face things I would have never faced alone. You've stood by me through it all. And, probably because you're incredibly stupid, you' ( ... )

myjobpaysbetter February 28 2012, 17:41:28 UTC

"It could have been. It could have been Alexis, it could have been...anyone." He nods slowly. He gets it Kate, he does. But you still don't seem to see how much you mean to him. That he feels like you should be able to go on. Because honestly? You are the one who is making a difference. He's just a 'kid' playing cop and now things have gotten real. Montgomery died. You've died.

If he goes home? He'll have to carry that weight himself for how long? To know that because he couldn't keep his nose out of things he made you look back into your mother's case. To know that he's the one who opened the door and let these people, who ever they are, in.

"If you can't? If we're sent back...and you're still gone?" He looks at her, his eyes serious and so sad. There's no hint of that 'smile' in them that he usually has when he looks at her. Not because he's lost it, but because right now.. he just can't.

"What..." ...do you think it'll do to me? To have to put you in the ground? To be alone? To know that...even if by accident that this could ( ... )

morethanwhoiam February 28 2012, 18:40:58 UTC

Well, he's right about that. Kate wonders how much time they've wasted worrying about what is their fault, what they could have changed, what they avoided.

But it would kill her again to know he harbored any guilt for opening her mother's case again, for bringing all of that to light. Sure, it didn't end the way either of them wanted it to but... For the first time since her mother's death, Kate had started living again. And not just for vengeance or justice, but because life just started to seem worth it again.

Castle had done that. And if she really thought about it, she wouldn't trade those four years of living for a hundred years of... not.

"How's Alexis?" She can't even answer his question. Kate has spent her entire adult life dealing with death every single day. But her own is something she can't even start accepting yet. "Is she holding up okay?"

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