What.
Inglorious Basterds: ... No, seriously: What.
I am left without words as to what I just saw. This movie... No, I can't even call it a movie. This is more a collection of scenes that barely make any cohesion at all.
You see, those previews? And the poster of the bloody knife through a swastika? Horribly, horribly misleading. The scenes in the previews of the Basterds preparing to kill Nazis? That's ABOUT all we get.
The movie instead chooses to focus on a truly bizarre subplot about a Jewish fugitive, who escaped execution in the opening scene of the movie and now runs a theater in Paris. An idiotic and annoying young Nazi soldier tries to court her, and it turns out he's a flavor of the month hero, since he was stranded in Italy and killed nearly 300 American soldiers, by himself. Not a bad accomplishment, but the cocky young fuck thinks that the movie about his exploits (and starring himself, no less) is anything more than empty propaganda.
Well, short story long, when her theater is chosen, the fugitive decides to burn it to the ground on the premiere night, along with all the Nazis in it. Oddly enough, the Basterds get tapped to help out on an effort to blow up the theater on the same night.
This isn't going to end badly, no. Never mind that the people chosen for this mission number among the most incompitent infliltrators in history. I hate to harp on the Brits, but the guy chosen by England to head the effort? Totally screwed the pooch. When you're not 100% on your cover, DON'T take any unecessary actions. (You'd think, though, that someone who had spent this much time studying the Germans would know something simple like how you hold up your fingers to indicate "three"...)
Really, I wonder why the movie is called Inglorious Basterds when the aforementioned Basterds are barely in their own movie. Sure, Pitt is great in the scenes he's in, but those ammount to maybe a half hour out of the two and a half this wreck weighs in as. It's not that violent, it's not interesting, I was falling asleep, realizing that I was fighting to stay awake for the payoff that never actually comes.
A pointless, meandering abortion of a film that almost made me wish I'd chosen to see Shorts or G-Force instead.
Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go sulk with my maid plushies...
I am left without words as to what I just saw. This movie... No, I can't even call it a movie. This is more a collection of scenes that barely make any cohesion at all.
You see, those previews? And the poster of the bloody knife through a swastika? Horribly, horribly misleading. The scenes in the previews of the Basterds preparing to kill Nazis? That's ABOUT all we get.
The movie instead chooses to focus on a truly bizarre subplot about a Jewish fugitive, who escaped execution in the opening scene of the movie and now runs a theater in Paris. An idiotic and annoying young Nazi soldier tries to court her, and it turns out he's a flavor of the month hero, since he was stranded in Italy and killed nearly 300 American soldiers, by himself. Not a bad accomplishment, but the cocky young fuck thinks that the movie about his exploits (and starring himself, no less) is anything more than empty propaganda.
Well, short story long, when her theater is chosen, the fugitive decides to burn it to the ground on the premiere night, along with all the Nazis in it. Oddly enough, the Basterds get tapped to help out on an effort to blow up the theater on the same night.
This isn't going to end badly, no. Never mind that the people chosen for this mission number among the most incompitent infliltrators in history. I hate to harp on the Brits, but the guy chosen by England to head the effort? Totally screwed the pooch. When you're not 100% on your cover, DON'T take any unecessary actions. (You'd think, though, that someone who had spent this much time studying the Germans would know something simple like how you hold up your fingers to indicate "three"...)
Really, I wonder why the movie is called Inglorious Basterds when the aforementioned Basterds are barely in their own movie. Sure, Pitt is great in the scenes he's in, but those ammount to maybe a half hour out of the two and a half this wreck weighs in as. It's not that violent, it's not interesting, I was falling asleep, realizing that I was fighting to stay awake for the payoff that never actually comes.
A pointless, meandering abortion of a film that almost made me wish I'd chosen to see Shorts or G-Force instead.
Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go sulk with my maid plushies...