A Little Help With The Agony Chapter 5
Title: A Little Help With The Agony Chapter 5
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Pairing: Yunjae (For now)
Length: Chapters
Rating: R
Author: Undertheblu
Warnings: Eating Disorders (Anorexia Nervosa), Drug Abuse, Sex, Adult Language, Rape
Summary: Yunho and Jaejoong have to keep their relationship a secret for the sake of the band’s reputation, but Jaejoong’s been starting to feel like Yunho is only been using him. Together, Yunho’s apathy and the pressure of fame have ruined Jaejoong’s self-esteem and led him to developed an eating disorder. Questioning whether he even wants to be a part of the famous singing group anymore, Jaejoong starts to spin out of control, dangerously close to dragging the others down with him.
Read Chapter 4 Here: http://undertheblu.livejournal.com/3924.html#cutid1
“I don’t know where he is, he didn’t come back last night.”
“It was horrible outside last night, what was he doing?”
“Where would he have gone?”
“What if something happened to him?!”
Yunho wanted to tell everyone to calm down, but he was the most frantic of all. He felt solely responsible for whatever trouble Jaejoong was in, he’d made him run off after all, “Guys just keep calling his phone. He’ll come home, try not to worry too much about it.”
Yoochun glared at Yunho, “Don’t worry? You know how he’s been-“
“God, why do you think he’s so suicidal?” Junsu sighed exasperatedly, “He’s been down sure, but he’s fine!”
“You don’t know anything about what he’s going through.” Yoochun snapped defensively.
“Oh and you do?”
“Stop it!” Yunho growled, “We don’t need this right now."
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered open and he tried to lift his head that felt like it weighed a ton. He was lying on a bed in a moderately dark room. He didn’t recognize the surroundings but he recognized the smell, alcohol and sex. A sharp pain in his head made him wince, he couldn’t quite remember what had happened the night before. He remembered Yunho being angry with him so he went for a run....then he couldn’t...Claire that’s what happened next, he realized sitting up and searching around the room for familiarity. He looked down at himself, realizing he was completely naked under the red sheet of cloth. He bit down on his tongue, something he did when he was nervous.
The sound of a door opening made his head snap around, a tall man was standing in the doorway, grinning at him, “Morning beautiful, or I should say afternoon.” He said, walking over toward the bed.
Jaejoong’s skin crawled as the tall man came closer and he could smell his scent, it was very familiar, “Where am I?”
The man laughed as he sat on the bed, “You don’t remember huh? Please tell me you at least remember me?”
Jaejoong didn’t answer, he only pulled his legs further away from the stranger.
“Well, maybe I’ll just have to remind you. I do have a video of it after all,” He answered smirking. Jae’s heartbeat quickened at the words, “A lot of people would love to see a sex tape of Kim Jaejoong.”
Suddenly Jaejoong couldn’t breathe and he felt like he was going to be sick. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say. But suddenly someone else was entering the room, carrying a video camera.. And then the tall man’s big hands were holding him down, “I think we could get some more footage actually. Make a whole movie out of it.”
Jaejoong squirmed, trying to remove himself from the terrifying situation, but he really didn’t have much muscle any more and he couldn’t fight very hard. The tall man pulled the red sheet away from Jaejoong to expose his naked body.
“God he’s so skinny,” The other with the camera sneered, “It’s gross.”
“I don’t mind it,” The tall man grinned, easily tying the wriggling and kicking Jaejoong to the bed before removing his own clothes, “Most people would hate that, you know.” He said directly to Jaejoong, “But I like it, I like seeing all your bones.”
“Get away from me!” Jaejoong kicked as the bigger man came near.
“This will actually be an interesting video,” The man with the camera grinned, “A nice contrast from the one of last night.”
“Last night I didn’t have to tie you down,” The tall man smiled, grabbing Jaejoong’s legs to keep him from kicking and to give himself a better position, holding tightly digging his nails into Jaejoong’s thighs, “Last night you were moaning my name and whining for more. Begging me to fuck you harder, you like it rough, so you’ll probably like this one.”
He licked Jaejoong’s neck, holding Jaejoong’s hip down with one hand and taking his rock hard cock with the other to push inside of the smaller man. Jaejoong cried out in pain from the sudden penetration, he felt tears form in his eyes from the pain. Sure he was used to this kind of sex but not when it was so abrupt and unwanted. He heard yelling and crying and it took him a moment to realize it was coming from him. The tall man on top of him pushed his face down to Jae’s and breathed heavily against his neck, “You like that don’t you? Smile for the camera, sweetie."
“Get off of me!” He heard himself yell, he tried to wriggle, twist and fight his way free but everything he did made no bit of difference. The harder he fought the more the tall man pressed down on him, his chest ached harder than it ever had before. He couldn’t breathe right and he couldn’t move enough to free himself.
A small high pitched voice, right in the back of his mind started to hiss, You’re getting raped. That’s what this is, that’s what’s happening to you.
No, Jaejoong thought, that happens to other people.
And you, Jaejoong. It’s happening right now, to you. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
Jaejoong tried to shake the voice from his head as he thrashed, moving around so much was annoying the man on top of him so he flipped Jaejoong easily onto his stomach to have more control, not before slapping him though, the man enjoyed leaving marks. He dug his nails and teeth into Jae’s skin and left bruises with his hands. Through his honey colored hair that had fallen over his face he could see the man with the camera grinning greedily. Tears poured down his face as the little cruel voice continued.
You’re getting raped, Jaejoong. Taken advantage of, and everyone’s going to know about it. Yunho’s going to know and think you’re disgusting.
Jaejoong closed his eyes, willing his mind to take him away from the horrible situation his body was in.
Yoochun’s head snapped up when he heard the door open, he’d accidentally fallen asleep while waiting for Jaejoong to come home. He jumped up and ran to the door, “Where have you been?! We’ve all been so worried we were ready to call.....Jae?...What happened?”
“I’m fine,” Jaejoong mumbled, his glassy eyes stared back blankly at Yoochun. The bruises on Jaejoong’s pale face glistened with the sweat from his forehead.
Yoochun almost laughed Jaejoong’s response was so ridiculously nonchalant. He looked so frail Yoochun was afraid he would drop right before his eyes, “What happened to you?” He repeated, reaching to touch Jaejoong’s face. Jae pulled away before he could.
“I need to sleep, okay? I’ll t-“
“Is he back?!” Yunho called running down the hall, “Jae, where have you been? I’ve been so wor....” Yunho’s face drained of color as he looked from Jaejoong’s bruised face over to Yoochun’s equally stunned face, “....What the fuck..Jae...what-“
“I’m fine,” Jaejoong muttered, pulling away again as Yunho tried to touch him.
“Like fuck you are!” Yunho exclaimed, grabbing Jaejoong so he could better examine his face, “Who did this to you? Why? What happened?”
“I don’t remember,” Jaejoong lied.
Neither of his two friends believed a word, these two knew him better than anyone and they knew when he was lying. After all, it wasn’t a very good lie.
Yoochun looked so horrified, he looked like he was going to cry, “Jae...”
“Why are you being like this? We just want to help, Jae. Why are you trying to hide-“ Yunho stopped when he heard Changmin cry out from his room. He ran out carrying his laptop, he stopped suddenly when he saw Jaejoong and there was a pause where he just stared at him.
“...Manager Khan..called and...there’s something on the internet..” His eyes kept darting back from Yunho over to Jaejoong. A slight look of distaste on his face.
Jaejoong’s face drained of any color there once was, his heart beat quickened and he felt sick again.
“What?” Yunho asked angrily.
Changmin set the computer down and turned on the video. Junsu had wondered in and was about to say something when he heard the sounds of the video. It was the ‘first’ video mixed with the ‘second’ a combination of Jaejoong having consensual sex and of him getting raped. A mixture of his moans of pleasure and his screams of pain. Jaejoong let out a pitiful sob and slumped against the wall to let himself slide to the floor, he buried his face in his arms and cried.
They all stared open mouthed for a while before Yunho yelled, “Turn it off!”
They all turned to look over at the ball on the floor that was Jaejoong, “Did..did I just watch..Jae getting..raped?” Junsu whispered disgustedly.
From the floor Jaejoong let out a wail of anguish. No one else said anything, they just watched Jaejoong sob on the ground. Yoochun knelt down cradled his friend in his arms, “Jae...”
Yunho wanted to hold Jaejoong but at the same time...there was a strong twisting feeling of...disgust inside him.
The door flung open to Manager Khan who advanced forward to throw a stack of newspapers and magazines on the table in front of them. They all knew what they said without even looking at them, Khan knelt down in front of Jaejoong, “Look at me,” He commanded.
Slowly Jaejoong raised his tear-swollen eyes up to the older man, Khan took his face in his hand to examine it. His face was completely void of emotion as he checked out the bruises, “They wont last too too long,” He mumbled, “What about everywhere else?” He pulled Jaejoong’s ragdoll form up and felt areas of his body to make sure nothing was broken, “This rib feels bruised,” He muttered.
“Should we take him to-“
“There’s too many reporters outside right now,” Manager Khan interrupted Yoochun’s question. He took one of Jae’s shaking hands in his own, examining the burns on his wrist from where he had been tied down. Jaejoong’s eyes remained on the floor, he couldn’t look any of them in the face.
“That doesn’t matter,” Yoochun retorted, “He should see a doctor, look at him!”
“It would make things worse.”
“I don’t care he ne-“
“Oh my god, these articles are disgusting,” Junsu said, reading one of the magazines, “They’re saying that-“
“Why the fuck are you reading those?” Yunho snapped as Jaejoong slid back down to the floor to bury his head in his hands again.
Changmin picked up one of the newspapers, “Tohoshinki Singer Sex Scandal, they make it sound like it was some giant orgy and-“
“Will you two stop!” Yunho yelled.
“Sorry, I just would like to know what they’re saying about us in all these,” Changmin snapped, grabbing a handful of the papers, “Another one of Jae’s fuck ups to fuck up our name.”
Jaejoong’s head lifted to look at Changmin opened mouthed, “You think he made this happen on purpose?!” Yunho yelled, getting right up in Changmin’s face.
“I think he hasn’t been right for weeks!” Changmin pointed over at Jaejoong, “Crazy mood swings and every other night going out with Heechul doing god knows what."
“For fuck’s sake!” Yoochun exclaimed, “That doesn’t mean he went looking for that!”
“How do you know? He’s been so fucked up in the head lately-“
“Hey!” Yoochun growled, advancing toward the younger.
“You yourself said it, Chun.” Junsu mumbled blankly as he flipped through the papers on the couch.
Jaejoong stood up, barely noticed by anyone while they fought, and went to the bathroom. He didn’t bother to look at his reflection in the mirror, he didn’t think he could handle seeing himself right now. A sudden escalation in the volume from the other room made his stomach lurch, he dropped down in front of the toilet so he could be sick. There really wasn’t anything in his stomach so it was mostly just water, but that made it all the more painful.
“There he goes puking again!” Changmin yelled from the other room.
From a small familiar bottle he kept with all his other viatmins, he extracted a couple of the tiny pills, there were no endorphins with this sickness and he needed something to make the pain stop. Such unbearable pain all over his body, inside his body, inside his mind. He slumped down against the wall and closed his eyes, willing it away.
Manager Khan walked in and looked down at him, “Jaejoong.” Jaejoong turned his head to look up at the older man, “I think it may be best for you to stay in the other suite for a while.”
Jae’s eyes lowered and he nodded, Khan meant he was causing too much discord between the others and he wanted to remove him from the situation. His throat burned and his body ached, he knew Khan was telling him to get up but he couldn’t make his legs work.
“Jae,” Manager Khan said, kneeling down with a wet towel to wet Jae’s sweaty face, “This is going to be hard.”
Jaejoong nodded absent-mindedly, staring at the floor. Manager Khan knew Jaejoong was in no state to go anywhere, he was practically a zombie. A hospital the next day, but not now. There were too many people itching to get a hold of him, not that that would change, but maybe Jaejoong’s emotional state would.
He lifted Jaejoong’s shirt to take a look at his rib, his very very visible ribs, “When was the last time you ate?” He asked, watching Jaejoong wince as he touched the skin.
Jaejoong shrugged, “I don’t know,” He whispered in a hoarse voice.
“How many days since you last ate?” Manager Khan rephrased the question.
Not long enough, the little voice in his head sang. Jaejoong shook his head, trying to shake the voice from his thoughts. Soon he wasn’t sure if Manager Khan or the voice was speaking, their voices blended together into one strange dialect. He didn’t know what they were asking him or why they sounded so angry. Then there were other voices, angrier. Yunho’s voice, that voice stood out. He smiled, he loved Yunho, even if Yunho didn’t love him back. He didn’t care, because Yunho was worth all the pain.
He suddenly realized he didn’t feel all the pain, where had it gone? There had been so much, more than normal. It had been burning holes into his skin and into his brain. But now it wasn’t there. Had he died? No, no he was alive, he saw Yunho and Yoochun and Junsu and Changmin staring down at him. Why did the look so strange? Had he done something wrong?
You’re always wrong, the voice said. No no no, the voice was supposed to go away. He wasn’t supposed to hear the voice now that the pain went away.
They hate you.
But why? What did I do? I can’t remember, it must be bad if I can’t even remember. Why is Yoochun shaking me? I think he’s yelling, Changmin is, I can tell. He’s pointing and screaming and baring his teeth. What did I do? I can’t remember, the pain comes back when I try to remember. Why do you look so worried, Yoochun? I wont try to remember so it wont hurt, don’t worry, Yoochun.
Oh no, I remember.
I got raped, no first I let someone fuck me then I let him rape me. Wait..does that make sense? Was that even rape? It hurt, yes it hurt. I remember that. Is that why everyone’s mad? God why are they yelling so much?
“He’s fucking stoned!” Changmin yelled, “Why am I the only one who-“
“Shut the fuck up, Min!” Yoochun growled.
No, Jaejoong thought, I dont’ want to hear this. I don’t want to know. A sharp pain started ringing in his ears, this wasn’t the yelling. It was a high pitched ringing that drowned out everything else. He covered his ears, trying to make it stop.
“Just stop it!” Yunho cried over his shoulder, kneeling down beside Jaejoong who was now shivering. When he looked into Jaejoong’s face, there was no one looking back at him through those glassy eyes, “Jae? Jaejoong? I think he’s going into shock.”
Yunho pulled back his hand and slapped Jaejoong across the face, his hand stung he had hit so hard. He wasn’t quite sure he’d needed to strike so violently, and he wasn’t sure why he had.
Jaejoong’s eyes blinked and then came into focus on Yunho then started to fill with tears. Yunho’s face softened and he suddenly felt a great feeling of remorse, he wrapped his arms around the smaller man and cradled him to his chest.
He really didn’t need to hit as hard as he had.
A/N: I felt like I got punched in the face writing that! (If that makes sense..) Well, let me know what you think, thus far. I hope everyone has a good week!
-Undertheblu