fun games around wilmington (14 days)
i just had a conversation which sparked thoughts in my head.
there are those people in your life who when you see them your heart skips a beat, and then proceeds to nearly beat out of your chest. you'd do anything to make them feel that in return, and when you know that it isn't the same both ways, it hurts. it sucks being rejected. it sucks SO BAD. there probably isn't a worse feeling in the world. rejection, embarrassment, and guilt would probably be the top three worst feelings in life. people say all the time that when you least expect it, love finds you. it usually does happen like that. but why? you find one person and anticipate instant connection, and you try to make yourself believe that there is chemistry when there is not. you cant force it, and as i was reminded today, you can't deny emotions. you cant make someone feel for you, and you cant force yourself to feel a certain way about them. the thing that is so rare about true love is the sincerity of the feelings both ways. if you try to fall in love, you may believe it for a while, but it won't really be love. you'll be living a lie. that's why you have to let things happen. eventually it will happen perfectly and honestly.
why, then, do you find those people that you cant stop thinking about all the time if nothing is going to happen? not every relationship can be love, i've decided. you dont really have to work for love, and you dont even have to want it. it will find you. this is constantly a reminder for me that if i cant get this one certain person out of my mind, there isn't necessarily a reason. i do not believe that there is a reason for everything. i dont believe that everything happens for a reason. everything? dont you think that we'd maybe figure out a reason every once in a while. we strive to think of a possible reason that something would happen...but we rarely do. we can make up the most abstract answers in the world, and actually make ourselves believe them. we want reasons, we need answers. we always have to know why. we can't always know why. you know those times where you're just like, OH MY GOD IF IT WERE JUST GIVEN THE CHANCE IT COULD WORK SO WELL.you know it could work. but the other person doesn't feel the same way. it's so fucking irritating. there's always an excuse, but 90% of the time it means the same thing: the feeling isn't mutual. there are reasons like, the age difference, the friend situation, long distance, fear of being hurt, and a thousand other things. for some reason or another, it just cant happen. and it sucks.
after saying all this, i myself still can't figure out why there are certain things i can't get my mind off of when i know that it isn't going to happen. i want to know why i feel like this. i know often feelings are one-sided. when events string together and give you a false hope, it's hard to bring yourself to realize that it wasn't meant to be.
i dont know what im talking about, and this is probably the most contradictory entry i've ever written in my life.
there are those people in your life who when you see them your heart skips a beat, and then proceeds to nearly beat out of your chest. you'd do anything to make them feel that in return, and when you know that it isn't the same both ways, it hurts. it sucks being rejected. it sucks SO BAD. there probably isn't a worse feeling in the world. rejection, embarrassment, and guilt would probably be the top three worst feelings in life. people say all the time that when you least expect it, love finds you. it usually does happen like that. but why? you find one person and anticipate instant connection, and you try to make yourself believe that there is chemistry when there is not. you cant force it, and as i was reminded today, you can't deny emotions. you cant make someone feel for you, and you cant force yourself to feel a certain way about them. the thing that is so rare about true love is the sincerity of the feelings both ways. if you try to fall in love, you may believe it for a while, but it won't really be love. you'll be living a lie. that's why you have to let things happen. eventually it will happen perfectly and honestly.
why, then, do you find those people that you cant stop thinking about all the time if nothing is going to happen? not every relationship can be love, i've decided. you dont really have to work for love, and you dont even have to want it. it will find you. this is constantly a reminder for me that if i cant get this one certain person out of my mind, there isn't necessarily a reason. i do not believe that there is a reason for everything. i dont believe that everything happens for a reason. everything? dont you think that we'd maybe figure out a reason every once in a while. we strive to think of a possible reason that something would happen...but we rarely do. we can make up the most abstract answers in the world, and actually make ourselves believe them. we want reasons, we need answers. we always have to know why. we can't always know why. you know those times where you're just like, OH MY GOD IF IT WERE JUST GIVEN THE CHANCE IT COULD WORK SO WELL.you know it could work. but the other person doesn't feel the same way. it's so fucking irritating. there's always an excuse, but 90% of the time it means the same thing: the feeling isn't mutual. there are reasons like, the age difference, the friend situation, long distance, fear of being hurt, and a thousand other things. for some reason or another, it just cant happen. and it sucks.
after saying all this, i myself still can't figure out why there are certain things i can't get my mind off of when i know that it isn't going to happen. i want to know why i feel like this. i know often feelings are one-sided. when events string together and give you a false hope, it's hard to bring yourself to realize that it wasn't meant to be.
i dont know what im talking about, and this is probably the most contradictory entry i've ever written in my life.