Circle (6)

[oatmeal_peril]

Circle
Pairing(s): HaeHyuk, HyukMin
Rating: NC-17
Warning(s): Incest, sex, character death, disturbing themes, gender switch (Sungmin), horror, graphic gore, reference to under age sex etc.

Summary: Donghae does everything to protect and care for his twin brother, Hyukjae. No one comes between them. No one.
A life full of lies and deceit and an unconditional love that borders on dangerous; Donghae and Hyukjae are always running away from their dark past, but how long can the twins keep running for?



After Heechul's death, their aunt and uncle were incapable of supporting them any more. With their other relatives dead or unreachable, the twins were put into a children's home. There weren't many children there older than them and the younger ones came and went with great frequency. Like most homes, there were rules and punishments if those rules were broken but it felt calmer there then it had with their aunt and uncle. The twins liked it.

Donghae was always the little children's favourite; they would beg him to play with them and follow him around until he gave in to their demands. One little girl by the name of Sunny would always follow Donghae around, holding his hand and asking if he'd be her boyfriend. Donghae had grimaced politely and told her that she'd have to wait until she got older. He didn't like Sunny, because like most women he encountered, she was one of those clingy types who seemed to have Princess syndrome. She was just another person to Donghae, she didn't warrant any special attention. The only person who warranted that was his brother.
Sunny had a pig-like nose and unusually bright eyes. She would often tell tales on the other children, lying to get them into trouble for fun. That was why Donghae didn't like her. She didn't have any friends in the children's home, she had pushed her only friend, Luna, off of a wall that they were sitting on causing Luna to have to be rushed to the emergency room for what they thought was a chipped tooth but in the end, turned out to be her whole front tooth being removed.

Since they had been in the children's home, it felt safe enough for them to act upon their desires more freely and not be worried of anyone walking in on them though, one day, Sunny had announced at dinner that she had seen them kissing. Donghae had felt Hyukjae freeze beside him but no one else even looked up but Sunny was told not to lie. After she protested, repeating that she had definitely seen them kissing, she was taken from the table to be properly disciplined. Although Donghae and Hyukjae had never been hit, they knew that sometimes, children were and Donghae wouldn't blame anyone for hitting Sunny. In his opinion, she deserved it.
They heard her arguing in the hallway. “I hate it here!” She had shouted. They heard her footsteps on the stairs and a bedroom door slamming.

Donghae had looked at Hyukjae whose face had whitened. No one believed her but it was still terrifying to think what would have happened had someone believed her. Would they have been punished or even worse, spilt up? Maybe one would be sent away to a different children's home. The thought made Donghae feel sick, he hadn't finished the rest of his dinner. Sunny had ran away that night while Donghae and Hyukjae had slept in their respective beds, thinking it would be for the best for a while. They heard that she'd been hit by a car and later died. Donghae didn't feel bad for her. She had meddled. Women that meddled got what they deserved.

Donghae hadn’t slept the previous night. For the first time that he could remember, he hadn’t wanted to lie next to his brother. The thought of lying with him made his skin crawl. Hyukjae had been with Sungmin. The car door slamming had woke Donghae up; he had heard her voice, her disgusting fucking voice. She reminded Donghae of Sunny somewhat.
He’d lain in bed, waiting for Hyukjae to come in. He didn’t want to get up, too tired to argue with his brother. Donghae had drifted into sleep when he felt the bed dip. He felt Hyukjae try to curl into him but that was when he had smelt it. It was a smell that had never changed and a smell that Donghae knew too well.
He remembered the first time he had tasted it, hot and sweet on his tongue when the hair on Hyukjae’s balls was still light and wispy. He knew the smell too well, knew the taste that sometimes varied depending on what Hyukjae had eaten but it still tasted of Hyukjae all the same. It made him want to be sick, the thought that she had tasted him too. Experiments in their youth had only brought them closer together and yet, he felt that every time Hyukjae was with Sungmin, she was stealing a part of his brother. Hyukjae was Donghae's, he was always Donghae's and only Donghae's.

It wasn’t the act itself that hurt him, whether Hyukjae had fucked her or not, while it was an issue it was something that could be dealt with; it wasn’t like Donghae had been a saint of fidelity over the years...
He had been fucking the Canadian exchange student after soccer practise for almost four months when he was in his late teens and he knew for a fact that Hyukjae had been seeing a guy called Yunho for a short period of time after walking in on Hyukjae sucking Yunho off. Sex could be forgiven and had been. But sex with a woman... That was something different. Donghae didn't trust women. A woman can't be trusted. And Donghae knew that Sungmin would manipulate Hyukjae, she'd say she loved him and before Donghae would know it, he'd lose the only person he'd ever truly cared about, all to a slut like Sungmin.

----

Hyukjae had been awake for what felt like hours. The bed beside him was empty. When he had woken up during the night, Donghae had still been curled up with his back to him. In the morning, Donghae had gotten up early. Hyukjae had been drifting in and out of sleep, strange, flimsy dreams of Sungmin were flickering on his closed eyelids; dreams where he'd be on that beach with Donghae, their fingers entwined as they held hands, looking out to sea. It was tranquil and silent. He'd turned to Donghae whose face was sun kissed and smiling back at him. His beautiful, wide lips had moved but Hyukjae hadn't heard what he had said, his voice had been distant. Donghae moved closer to kiss Hyukjae, Hyukjae's eyes closed and they kissed slowly, the sun light enveloping them. He could feel water lapping at his feet. When he pulled away from his brother he was faced with Sungmin instead. She giggled at him and let go of his hands, running away into the ocean, turning to grin and beckon Hyukjae in after her. He followed her, her white dress became transparent as water splashed her, she was naked underneath. By the time he had waded in to his knees, she was even further away from him, still smiling, still urging him to follow her until she had disappeared. The water disappeared too and Hyukjae had been left standing in his bedroom at the foot of the bed watching Donghae sleeping.

He had woken up confused. Since lying awake, he had replayed the dream and the kiss with Sungmin over and over in his head until he was uncertain of which one was reality and which one wasn't.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss and Sungmin. Friends kiss all the time but he had never seen her kiss Kyuhyun, or anyone else for that matter. Hyukjae had never kissed anyone other than Donghae. It felt strange, he wasn’t sure if he really liked it or not. He’d been turned on, he had wanted to fuck her but Hyukjae had learned from a young age that sometimes, those feelings were separate. Loving someone didn’t mean you wanted to fuck them and fucking someone wasn’t love. Hyukjae had never felt attracted to a woman before - he didn’t like the role he was forced to take in a heterosexual relationship or the standards that society expected him to live up to. He couldn’t protect someone and nor did the idea of being the alpha male appeal to him. Hyukjae had never been feminine in his appearance or demeanour but he had always come across as fragile or vulnerable. He couldn’t be a provider and nor did he want to be a father.
The women he had always been surrounded by throughout his life had always been too weak or self centred. Sungmin had been the only woman who hadn’t made him feel physically repulsed when she had touched him, quite the opposite.

He could smell freshly cut grass from someone’s mowed lawn outside. Donghae hadn’t been in bed when Hyukjae had woken but the window had been opened. He had been complaining about the house still smelling and he’d been airing it at every opportunity he had, even when it had.
Hyukjae closed his eyes, deciding what to do. He’d tell Sungmin that the kiss had been nice but that wasn’t what he wanted. Maybe he’d say that he already was in a relationship or that there was someone he was interested in. He was sure she’d understand. And anyway, she’d look better with Kyuhyun, wouldn’t she? He felt much better when he got out of bed and went downstairs.

“We're twenty-four now.” Donghae said with his back to Hyukjae. Hyukjae had reached the foot of the stairs to find his brother sitting on the sofa with his back to him. The TV was on but the volume was on low.
“I know.” Hyukjae replied, frowning. He stopped at the foot of the stairs, staring at the back of Donghae's head.
“We've been together all that time and I've loved you all that time too.”
Hyukjae smiled weakly and walked to the sofa, “I've loved you too.”
“Really..?” Donghae asked.
“Of course.”

When Hyukjae looked at his brother, he with held a gasp. Donghae's skin was deathly pale, the skin around his eyes was pink, his eyes themselves were sunken and bloodshot. He looked like a corpse.
Donghae put his head to one side and looked up at his brother.
“Where were you yesterday?” He asked.
Startled, Hyukjae stammered, “I...Ugh, church. I was at church.”
“All day?”
“I was praying.”
“Lying's never been a strength of yours, Hyukjae.”
The pair were silent for a moment. Hyukjae shifted uncomfortably on the spot.
“You were with her, that slut.” Donghae spat bitterly. His eyes had flicked back down again to a glass of amber coloured liquid he was nursing in his hands.
Hyukjae swallowed. He tried to keep his voice calm, if there was one thing he knew about Donghae, it was that you didn't want to make him angry; he was dangerous when he was angry. “She... She wanted someone to go with her and I said I would. I... I'm sorry.”
“Did you fuck her?” Donghae's words were piercing and sounded sharp in the stillness of the living room.
“Donghae!” Hyukjae exclaimed in surprise. He went to his brother who was still sitting on the sofa, trying to take his brother's hands but Donghae pushed him away. He felt increasingly sick. How did Donghae even know that he'd been with Sungmin at all?
“You smelled like cum when you came to bed.” Donghae continued, “did you fuck her?”
“Of course not!”
Donghae raised his head so his eyes met Hyukjae's. Donghae's eyes were hard when he said, “I don't believe you.”

Hyukjae shook his head again.“Donghae, please,” Hyukjae said desperately, “I know you hate her but... She's my friend! She's so gentle and kind and... I feel sorry for her! It's my fault she's so sad.”
Donghae's jaw twitched with anger. “So you fucked her to make her feel better?”
“No! I didn't do anything like that with her! She wanted to go to see Jongwoon and I... I said go with her. I know it was stupid of me but I just feel so bad for her! For what I've done!”

Donghae stood up suddenly. His feet were bare, his jeans which had once fit him well hung loosely from his hips. “It doesn't explain why you smelled like that.”
“Maybe you dreamt it?” Hyukjae suggested hopefully. His heart was pounding and he shook a little.
Donghae swore and threw the glass he held at Hyukjae, missing him by millimetres. It shattered against the wall. “Stop lying!” He barked. He closed the gap between his twin and himself and his his hands closed around his brother's throat. “I know what it smells like.” He hissed, “I know what you smell like.” Hyukjae could smell the alcohol on his brother's breath. “The way you talk about her, it's like you love her! Is that it Hyukjae? Do you?!” He hissed.
“Of course not!” Hyukjae whimpered. Donghae felt Hyukjae's throat move as he swallowed. Donghae wet his lips.
Strangling each other was something they used to do exclusively in the bedroom after Hyukjae had came really hard once when they were fooling around. They'd choke each other sometimes during sex, just enough for them to feel the sudden rush of ecstasy. The choking was a sign of power; when Hyukjae topped Donghae, he liked to choke him, to show him that he could top too, that he was powerful and could dominate Donghae. Hyukjae didn't feel turned on now though, he was scared.
“Then why would you be with her?!” Donghae snapped, gesturing to the door as if Sungmin were standing there.
“Donghae!” Hyukjae's hands reached up to Donghae's trying to loosen his brother's grip. He was shaking, Donghae was cold. “Donghae, please... Nothing happened. She kissed me, that's all. Nothing happened.”
“Kissed you.” Donghae repeated. He said the words as if they were foreign to him. His fingers tightened around Hyukjae's throat and Hyukjae could feel the blood pulsing in his arteries. His eyes were tearing over.
“Just a kiss!” Hyikjae continued, “she was upset about Jongwoon and I didn't think she meant it! I didn't want her to... Donghae, please! You're hurting me!”
“Where?” Donghae demanded, grip still tight, “where did she kiss you that made you smell like cum?”
“You're hurting me.” Hyukjae repeated, the tears in his eyes sliding down his cheeks as he looked into his brother's face that looked back at him with anger and disgust. “Please don't be like this.”
“You give me no choice, Hyukjae!” Donghae barked, “answer the question. Where did she kiss you?”
“The lips. Just the lips.”
“And the cum?” Donghae asked. His lips were close to Hyukjae's, so close they brushed Hyukjae's and they nearly kissed. Hyukjae felt a jolt of sick excitement rush through him.
“I jerked off before I came to bed.” Hyukjae whispered in shame. He dared not look Donghe in the eye, he had betrayed him too much. “I'm sorry.”
Donghae shook his head. “You jerked off.”
“I’m sorry! I was just... It didn’t mean anything!”
“Do you love her?” Donghae asked, speaking over Hyukjae. His voice was loud. He sounded emotionless but when Hyukjae’s head jerked up, eyes meeting Donghae’s, he saw the hurt in his twin’s eyes.
“No.” Hyukjae said firmly. “Donghae, I’m sorry. It was a mistake, I-”
“I'll kill her.” Donghae said simply. He threw Hyukjae to the ground. Hyukjae cried out in shock and pain.
“I'll snap her neck clean in two.” Donghae said quietly.
“Donghae no!” Hyukjae sobbed, struggling to sit up.
“I’ll kill her.” Donghae repeated.
“No, Donghae!”
“Because you love her?”
“No! Because there’s enough blood on our hands as it is!”

The look in Donghae’s eyes frightened Hyukjae. It was manic, he had seen it before; he’d seen it when they were in middle school and an overweight kid from a class two years senior to them called Donghee had stolen Hyukjae’s  lunch money. Donghae had surprised Donghee in the hallway after classes and slammed his back hard against the lockers, hissing that if he ever touched Hyukjae again, he’d kill him. He’d kicked Donghee down a flight of stairs and broken the fingers in both of his hands by stamping on them. Hyukjae remembered that look from when they had been seventeen and a group of boys in college had been calling Hyukjae gay. The leader of the group was called Kibum, an athletic type who changed girlfriends every week. Donghae had locked them in the boys changing rooms one night after soccer practise and beaten Kibum so hard that he ended up in hospital with a punctured lung. Kibum had been too afraid to say who had done it too him and the rest of his gang had decided it would be best to follow their leader and not breathe a word either. Kibum didn’t ever return to college, the last Hyukjae heard, his family had moved to the states.
The look on Donghae’s face was the one he got when Heechul had held Hyukjae under the water in their local pool. Donghae had the capacity to kill someone, as do we all, but the only difference between everyone else and Donghae was that Donghae had exercised that capacity before and would do it again if he felt that he needed to.

“Fuck!” Donghae exclaimed suddenly. “I don’t believe you!” Donghae turned his back on Hyukjae, walking away and running his hands through his hair. “Fuck!”
“Donghae! I’m sorry!” Hyukjae wailed.
“I don’t know what more I can do to make you love me, Hyukjae.” Donghae was saying.
“I do love you!” Why wasn’t Donghae listening to him? Donghae was usually so calm and kind; he never got angry like this, not with Hyukjae.
“After everything I’ve done for you, I’m not enough any more! What more can I do for you?!” Donghae continued, as if not hearing Hyukjae.“Fuck!” He exclaimed again, “I’ll kill her! Fuck, Hyukjae! Why are you doing this to me?! I’d kill you myself if I didn’t fucking love you so much!”
There was a heart stopping silence. Donghae turned around just as Hyukjae scrambled to his feet and bolted for the front door but Donghae grabbed him around the waist, fingers digging into Hyukjae’s skin, fingernails tearing at him. Hyukjae’s fingertips were just short of the door handle as Donghae dragged him away.
“No, Donghae! No!” Hyukjae screamed.
“Where are you going?” Donghae hissed, his breath hot in the shell of his twin’s ear and made Hyukjae shiver. “Are you going to her?”
Hyukjae was sobbing. Donghae pressed his body to Hyukjae’s that suddenly felt so weak and small in Donghae’s arms. Donghae could feel the anger pulsing through him, tinged with pain, so much pain! How could Hyukjae do this to him?!

He turned Hyukjae around to face him. He stroked Hyukjae’s cheek and sighed. “I love you so much, Hyukjae. I don't know what to do.” He said quietly. His tone frightened Hyukjae, “I told you she’s poisonous so many times but you didn’t listen to me. And now look, look what she’s doing to us! Look what she’s making me do!” Hyukjae squirmed in Donghae’s grip. Donghae frowned. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Let me go, please, you’re scaring me.”
Donghae’s eyes narrowed. A smirk flickered across his lips. “Does this make you feel sick?” He asked, one hand feeling down Hyukjae’s abdomen, groping his crotch.
Hyukjae whimpered. “Donghae...”
“Do I make you feel sick?” Donghae said silkily. Hyukjae shook his head quickly. “Good.” Donghae pushed Hyukjae against the wall beside the front door, his fingers massaging Hyukjae’s cock through his jeans. He kissed his brother roughly, tongue and teeth clashing with Hyukjae’s. Hyukjae whined, he tried pushing Donghae away but Donghae was too strong; Donghae’s grip was firm, pinning his brother’s arms to the wall while Hyukjae feebly squirmed.
“If you wanted to be with a woman, then you should have told me a long time ago. I’ve given up my whole life for you.” He growled into the kiss.
He felt Hyukjae tremble. Is this really how it would end? Not in the children's home after a jealous little girl had spied on them but now, when they were fully grown adults. This was never meant to happen, neither of them were meant to fall out of love with the other. They were meant for each other and each other only, no one was supposed to come between them like this.

“You’re scaring me!”
Donghae kissed Hyukjae’s collarbones and throat, “all I ever did was love you and protect you. Her out of everyone. Why her?”
“It was a mistake.” Hyukjae repeated. “It was just a kiss. Please.” He sounded exasperated and tired.
“I don't believe you! You want her! If you want her, then have her! Have your filthy little slut!”
“Donghae!” Hyukjae wailed, “please stop! You’re scaring me!”
Hyukjae struggled with Donghae, pushing him away from him. Donghae caught hold of Hyukjae's wrists and yelled in his brother's face, “go to her! If you want her then go to her!”
Suddenly, he let go of Hyukjae so that he fell to the floor again with a loud thud. This time Hyukjae didn't move to get up. He lay on the floorboards, watching the dust dance in the shafts of sunlight that came through the gaps in the curtains that Donghae had drawn.
“I won't stand your lies! If you want her, if you want a woman then you go to her!” Donghae shouted, “be with your filthy whore but I won't be here when she breaks your heart. Women are poisonous! I warned you, but you wouldn't listen!”
Donghae got on his knees beside Hyukjae, Hyukjae could see Donghae's eyes shimmer but he couldn't tell if they were tears or not.
“If you want her, then I can’t stop you. But don’t expect me to be here for you when she leaves you. Because they all fucking leave, Hyuk! Everyone you’ve ever loved has left you!”
“You haven’t.” Hyukjae whispered.
There was a silence. Donghae swallowed and said, “then why did you do it? Why are you doing this to me?” His voice cracked.
“I told you,” Hyukjae replied, “it was a mistake. I don't get why you're blowing it out of proportion-”
“Have you lost your mind?!” Donghae cried, “you've killed her brother! And now you're kissing her! Now she's jerk off material! How could you do this?! To me as well... I've killed for you!”
“I never asked you to!” Hyukjae snapped back becoming irritable.

A knock at their front door made them both freeze.
Hyukjae was panting and Donghae looked like he was about to be sick. It was Donghae that got to his feet first, dragging Hyukjae up too.
Jungsoo was on the other side of the door. He looked concerned and also a little confused when he noticed Hyukjae standing behind Donghae. Although he was friends with only Hyukjae, he still had never really gotten the hang of identifying the twins.
“Umm... Is everything okay?” He asked. Donghae stared into Jungsoo's light eyes. He knew that Jungsoo didn't know which twin he was talking to.
“Fine.” Donghae replied coldly.
“I... I heard shouting. I was worried.... Especially after what happened with the break in, you can't be too careful these days.” Jungsoo's eyes flickered to Hyukjae. Hyukjae's face was still tear stained.
Hyukjae shook his head. “It's okay. We... we were just playing around, right?”
Donghae nodded, not taking his eyes off of Jungsoo.
“Hyukjae,” Jungsoo said, looking past Donghae at the right twin, “are you okay?”
“We already said we're fine.” Donghae said a little more firmly. Donghae went to close the door but Jungsoo caught the door, looking past Donghae.“Hyukjae?”
Hyukjae nodded, “everything's okay. Thanks for coming over.”
Donghae slammed the door before Jungsoo could say anything else.
“What are you doing?” Hyukjae asked sounding irate, “he'll think we're weird! He'll get suspicious.”

Donghae turned to face Hyukjae and Hyukjae saw his twin's eyes uncloud. “I'm sorry.” He said.
Hyukjae frowned. Donghae was never the one to apologise. Donghae went to Hyukjae, leaning down to rest his head on Hyukjae's shoulder, he kissed Hyukjae’s collarbones. Donghae’s hair tickled Hyukjae’s skin.
“I’m... I’m sorry.” He breathed. “I’m so sorry, Hyukjae.”
Hyukjae’s hands tangled with Donghae’s hair, stroking it.
“I'm just... Scared of losing you to her.”
“You won't.” Hyukjae told him, wrapping his arms around his brother, holding him close. Donghae was still shaking like he had been the night before. “I'm sorry, you know I am. And you know I love you.”
This sort of power didn't turn Hyukjae on. It scared him that Donghae was so unstable, that he could become so fragile so easily. Was it really what Sungmin was doing that was making them like this or was it themselves?

A news report came on TV as Hyukjae kissed Donghae's neck ans whispered to him, reassuring him.
”Human remains have been found today in a mountain range just out of Seoul. The person's identity is unknown at this time. The police have described it as the most harrowing case they have ever worked on. We will be sure to keep you updated.”