Circle (4)

[oatmeal_peril]

Circle
Pairing(s): HaeHyuk, HyukMin
Rating: NC-17
Warning(s): Incest, sex, character death, disturbing themes, gender switch (Sungmin), horror, graphic gore, reference to under age sex etc.

Summary: Donghae does everything to protect and care for his twin brother, Hyukjae. No one comes between them. No one.
A life full of lies and deceit and an unconditional love that borders on dangerous; Donghae and Hyukjae are always running away from their dark past, but how long can the twins keep running for?



Hyukjae had retreated to the sanctuary of the store room on the third floor. It was a small, cupboard-like room with two large shelving units running parallel to each other, both full of stationary. There was a chair by the window that Hyukjae had put there himself. He’d sit by the open window and watch people walking by. It was strange how people never looked up and caught him looking, he supposed people never really saw - just blundered through life blindly, hoping for the best. If it went wrong, it didn’t matter so much because they’d never really had their eyes open to begin with to see their mistakes.

Hyukjae’s eyes were closed, listening to the sounds of the city. The sun caught his face and he sighed. He almost liked how this felt. He always slacked off in the store room, pretending he was getting more paper for a printer or post its for memos. Although it was only three floors up, he liked the peace it provided, like he was somewhere far away, on his own cloud. He brought his legs up so that he could rest his chin on his knees and smelled the fresh air of outside. Nothing tasted better than fresh air when you were stuck indoors against your will.
He heard the door to the store room slam shut and someone let out a slow deep breath. Hyukjae wondered if they’d go away if he stayed quiet because they had to come around a corner that the furthest shelf provided before seeing him.
“Hyukjae?”
Hyukjae opened his eyes. Kyuhyun stood before him, his eyes looked a little puffy and pink.
“I didn’t know you were in here.” Kyuhyun said. His cheeks flushed a little, he looked flustered.
“Are you okay?” Hyukjae asked hesitantly. Kyuhyun’s face was a little paler than usual.
Kyuhyun shook his head then nodded. He looked even more flustered. “It’s nothing...” He said quietly, “just... Just something someone said in the office. I guess it was a joke. I’m not good with jokes.”
Hyukjae smiled sympathetically.
“Why are you here? Did you need something?”
“A break.” Hyukjae muttered.
Kyuhyun moved over to the window. Hyukjae saw the cool breeze ruffle his hair. Kyuhyun had unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt and Hyukjae could see the younger’s pale skin glistening with sweat. It was hot in the office, the air conditioning unit had broken down several weeks ago and the repairman hadn’t fixed it yet and the windows of the office didn’t open any more than a couple of centimetres after one morning, everyone had come to work to find that the janitor had jumped to his death from the sixth floor window.
The windows in the stock room seemed to have been forgotten when it came to making sure that it didn’t open wide enough for a person to fall, or equally, jump out of.

Hyukjae could feel the heat radiating from Kyuhyun.
“I won’t be staying here long anyway.” Kyuhyun said, as if he were speaking to himself more than Hyukjae. “I just need money so I can move out from my parent’s house.”
Kyuhyun smelled like bubble bath. Hyukjae could see his soft sides when Kyuhyun raised his arms to rest on the window ledge. Hyukjae closed his eyes again quickly.
“I don’t really want to work in IT. I want to be a singer.”
Hyukjae smiled and his eyes opened to look up at Kyuhyun whose cheeks were red. “You sing?”
“It used to be in church but then I sang in bars and clubs. I make decent money from it so I could give it a chance. Well... Well it’s just a dream, isn’t it?”
“There’s nothing wrong with having a dream.” Hyukjae replied.
“What’s yours?”
Hyukjae thought. When he was little, he had wanted to be a dancer after seeing idol groups on TV. But as he got older, dreams were outweighed by the importance of reality. Hyukjae had lost the passion for most of his dreams, from the silly ones when he was a child like wishing he would become a cat when he grew up or becoming an astronaut to imagining his dream house with Donghae by the beach. They were just dreams too but at one point they had been important to him. His dreams had never consisted of murder, that was one thing he was certain of.

The door to the store room opened once again and Hyukjae heard the woman’s clacky heels on the stone floor before he saw her. She was tall and thin with long straggly hair that she dyed blonde but had turned a dirty ginger colour. Her bangs were thick and covered a good part of her face, making it look squat. Her name was Tiffany and she worked on the same floor as Hyukjae.
“I see you have a buddy to slack off with.” She said rummaging around in one of the boxes filled with post-it notes and paper clips.
“We’re not slacking off!” Kyuhyun said indignantly.
Tiffany raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t often that Hyukjae disliked someone but he disliked Tiffany. She acted like a princess and treated everyone else like they were second rate. She constantly wore a look that was a cross between superiority and smugness that made Hyukjae’s nose wrinkle in distaste.
“Whatever.” She muttered.
Kyuhyun's ears had turned pink. Hyukjae reached out to him, resting a hand on the younger’s side to let him know that he should forget it. Kyuhyun flinched. Hyukjae wondered if he’d done something wrong. Tiffany had seen, she put her head to one side and smirked at them before leaving the store room with an arm full of files.
Hyukjae looked up at Kyuhyun. “Kyuhyun-” He started but Kyuhyun shook his head so abruptly that he lost balance a little.
“I have to get back to work.” He said quickly and dashed for the door.
Hyukjae stared after him. Had he done something wrong? Or maybe Kyuhyun had been afraid that Tiffany would tell on him to one of the seniors. Kyuhyun was weird, it was probably a good idea not to spend too long worrying about him.

If Hyukjae didn’t know better, he would have thought that Sungmin was waiting for him because she was walking over to him as he left the parking lock outside the office block.
“Hello Hyukjae,” she said. “How are you today?”
She was wearing a dress again today, a pink halter neck with the back cut out. She looked pretty. Hyukjae wanted to tell her but he could feel himself blushing already.
“I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”
When her face fell, he knew he shouldn’t have asked.
“It’s Jongwoon,” she said.
Hyukjae bit his lip. “H-has he still not contacted you?” He felt sick as he said it. The feeling had left him and for a few days, he had felt normal. That morning he had woken up next to his brother and smiled as he watched him sleep. It was all going to be okay. It was almost as if he had woken up that morning and everything else had been a bad dream. He had kissed Donghae’s shoulder and then his dark, crimson lips. Donghae had opened his eyes and sighed into the kiss, smiling sleepily. Another hot day with sun pouring through the window while they lay idly in each other's arms. It felt almost idyllic.
And now Jongwoon’s name had surfaced again and he could see all the confusion and pain that he had thought had finally gone away shimmering in Sungmin’s bright eyes.
She was such a sweet girl, how had he let this happen to her? How had he let himself become this?

What he had done would never go away. How stupid was he to have ever thought that Donghae and he could move on and be normal again?!
Sungmin shook her head so that her hair covered her face as she looked down and said, “I’m so worried, Hyukjae. I’m worried something’s happened to him.”
Hyukjae didn’t know how to respond. The pair walked together. He could hear Sungmin’s breaths - short and shallow like she was crying or trying not to.
When they passed a vendor, Hyukjae bought Sungmin ice cream in a lame attempt to cheer her up but she smiled at him when she accepted it but her eyes were still watering. They sat on a park bench and ate. Sungmin swung her slender legs back and forth so the hem of her dress fluttered around her thighs.
“We used to live by the ocean.” Sungmin said suddenly.
Hyukjae looked at her but she wasn’t looking at him, she was concentrating on licking round and around the circumference of her ice cream so it didn’t dribble down onto the cone. She’d chosen peanut butter and strawberry ice cream. Hyukjae had just strawberry.
“When I was a kid, Jongwoon and I would always have ice cream at the beach. I was kinda chubby back then.” She was smiling now. It made Hyukjae smile too. He felt relieved. “We used to play on the beach all the time in the summer. I used to build sand castles and Jongwoon would collect shells for me. There was one really pretty one that I treasured; when you held it up to the sun, it sparkled with blues and greens and pinks... I loved it so much.” She licked the ice cream contentedly. “I lost the shell one day, it must have slipped out of my pocket or something. I cried all night.” She smiled fondly at her own memories.
“We should go.” Hyukjae said without thinking. “The beach, I mean.”
Sungmin brushed her silky hair out of her face and looked up at Hyukjae. “Well... I was going to ask you if you would come with me. To see Jongwoon, he still lives in our hometown. And well, the beach is still there.”
Before he knew it, he had said he’d go with her on Saturday, his day off. She was so pleased that the tears returned to her eyes as she thanked him. The sky began to cloud over and they left the park. They walked a little way together when they heard a thud. On the road, a bird had flown into the window screen of a car. The driver and passenger had gotten out to see if it was okay. It was already dead. Sungmin looked away. “I guess that’s how it goes.” She said.
Bloodied feathers floated past him on a sudden gust of cool wind and Hyukjae frowned. He wondered whether she’d say that if she knew her brother was dead. The pair went their separate ways.

----

Donghae smiled when Hyukjae entered the kitchen. “Did you have a good day at work?” He asked.
Hyukjae shrugged. He felt strange. He didn’t know why he’d agreed to go with Sungmin. Had he done it out of guilt? He was friends with Sungmin, it’s what friends do. But what friends don’t do is kill each other’s brothers. Maybe this way it’d be less suspicious. He wasn’t even under suspicion! Yet...
“I’m making you dinner.” Donghae announced.
Hyukjae nodded. He wouldn’t tell Donghae about Saturday. It’d only make him angry and for the past few days, since things had calmed down, he had seemed happier. Hyukjae didn’t want to spoil that.
“Should I make an appointment at the doctors in advance?” Hyukjae asked. Donghae turned around from the kitchen counter to face Hyukjae. He was beaming. His eyes shimmered just like Sungmin’s but they were different somehow. He looked relieved too. Hyukjae knew why. He was making jokes just like he used to, it was like things were going back to normal. Donghae wasn’t stupid, he knew that Hyukjae couldn’t deal with things like he could himself. It had always been that way.

“I’m going to get changed,” Hyukjae said, tugging at his work tie uncomfortably.
Donghae smirked, “maybe I could help you with that?” He suggested. He went over to Hyukjae who was leaning against the kitchen table and stood behind him, running his hands down his brother’s torso. Hyukjae didn’t answer but he didn’t push Donghae away. He loosened Hyukjae’s tie and then began to unbutton his shirt. Hyukjae’s body was sticky with cold sweat.
Donghae frowned and kissed Hyukjae’s neck again. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”
“Of course.” Hyukjae replied. His throat felt dry. He felt that horrid burning sensation in his stomach that he got when he lied again.
“You know I love you” Donghae said to Hyukjae. He kissed down his brother’s neck, warm breath and hot tongue making Hyukjae shudder.
“I know.” He replied. “I love you.”
Hyukjae felt Donghae’s lips curve into a smile against his skin. “Let’s forget about dinner for now and go to bed.” He whispered.

Hyukjae let Donghae lie him down and strip him so he lay bare before his twin but that burning feeling was still in his throat. The day had made him feel uncomfortable, first Kyuhyun and then Sungmin. Somehow he couldn’t get the image of the dead bird out of his head either. Part of him thought that perhaps it was another sign from God. It had occurred to him that spirits couldn’t rest when their lives had been taken forcefully. He didn’t like the idea that Jongwoon was still there, watching them. Watching him. Maybe that was why he felt more at ease out of the house, even though Jongwoon’s face was the face of every stranger in the street - haunting him.

Donghae was staring down at his body, pale and still clammy. Donghae sighed, “you’re so beautiful, Hyuk.”
Hyukjae couldn’t meet his brother’s eye. “I don’t feel it.”
Hyukjae saw a flicker of sadness in Donghae’s eyes when he looked up at him. “Don’t say that.” He moved so he was over Hyukjae. He nudged Hyukjae’s lips with his own. “I love you.” He repeated, stressing each word.\
“I know.” Hyukjae replied again. “And I love you.”
Donghae’s kiss turned a little aggressive. “I know what’s wrong. Let me make it better.”
“Sex won’t make it any better. I killed someone-”
Donghae kissed Hyukjae hard. So hard that Hyukjae could feel himself being pressed into the mattress, he could feel Donghae’s knees pinning him down. Donghae’s tongue felt good in his mouth, gently massaging his own while Donghae’s hands grasped his dick firmly. Hyukjae felt a shameful spasm of pleasure shoot up his spine. He bucked and whimpered. Donghae’s lips closed around Hyukjae’s tongue and he sucked it, his fist matching the slow, pumping action so Hyukjae bucked again.
When Donghae pulled away, he kissed down Hyukjae’s throat, teeth gently scraping him. Down again to kiss along his collarbones, one hand still nursing Hyukjae’s twitching cock, the other was resting firmly on his stomach - it felt like it was the only thing grounding him. Donghae’s tongue flicked out and teased Hyukae’s nipple, biting and sucking so that Hyukjae hissed and mewled. His hands flew down and tangled with Donghae’s.
Donghae smiled against Hyukjae. “You said sex won’t make it better.” He purred, the fingers of the hand that weren’t tight around his dick linked with his twin’s.
“It won’t,” Hyukjae said, realising his breath was coming out short and that he was turned on, so shamefully turned on when he shouldn’t be, “but... But...”
But he couldn’t resist Donghae. While the thing that held them together was love, binding and unconditional love, the need to be physical with Donghae always seemed to override any sort of rational thought or fear he had. Hadn’t it been him that had crawled on the bed beside Donghae only days after the whole ordeal and whispered to Donghae “make love to me”? It was primal. Hyukjae couldn’t control those urges, could he? Whether he had murdered someone or not, he’d still have wanted to feel Donghae beside him, inside of him.

It was hot in their bedroom, he was sweating. Donghae must’ve been hot too because his skin was slightly pink when he finally freed himself of all his clothes but his boxers. He crawled up Hyukjae again, straddling him with one knee either side of Hyukjae’s head so that his straining bulge was right before his twin’s lips. Hyukjae smiled when he saw Donghae shiver when his breath ghosted the wet patch of material. He tugged Donghae’s boxers down and sucked him. Hyukjae could smell musky perspiration on the Donghae’s soft dark pubes. His dick twitched again and his hips continued to move in a rhythmic manner. Donghae leant against the wall that the bed was against, one hand resting against that wall and the other reaching back so that Hyukjae could fuck himself into his fist that was still closed tight around his aching cock.
Donghae thrust shallowly into his brother’s mouth, cursing under his breath each time Hyukjae ran his tongue over the slit or swallowed. Tears slid from Hyukjae’s closed eyes. He moaned when Donghae twisted his fingers around him.
Sucking Donghae off had always turned him on. He liked the way Donghae fit into his mouth and the way he could taste the precum at the back of his throat. He liked how he could feel Donghae tremble when he sucked hard and how he growled when he pushed in deep enough to make Hyukjae gag.

Donghae was panting when he pulled out of Hyukjae’s mouth. He moved back down, lips pressing kisses Hyukjae’s that were wet with Donghae’s own juices. Donghae pressed kisses to Hyukjae’s stomach and teasingly skimmed over his crotch, paying attention to his thighs, sucking at the inside so that he left red marks. Hyukjae could feel himself quivering, his brother’s kisses making him more and more light headed. He forgot about Jongwoon and he raised his legs instinctively so that they rested on Donghae’s shoulders; moistened slightly by Hyukjae’s saliva and continuing to kiss Hyukjae’s calf, Donghae entered Hyukjae slowly.
Hyukjae didn’t need to adjust much, just last night, the pair had fooled around a little before falling asleep curled up together. His whole body jerked when Donghae was inside completely. He pulsed and contracted around Donghae. Donghae let out a low growl before he started to move, Hyukjae’s plush, moist, warm walls continuing to squeeze him so tightly he felt like he could explode. But Donghae was slow, gentle and attentive, even though Hyukjae brought his hips up, urging Donghae to push harder into to him, to pound into him and make him truly forget. Donghae continued to kiss Hyujkae’s calf between panting.
Hyukjae found himself moaning when Donghae leant close to him, pushing in deeper, stretching him and rubbing against his insides deliciously, still holding his legs up so that he could whisper to Hyukjae, “I love you,” with each deep, hard, thrust.
The shooting pleasure returned when Donghae’s rock hard cock slowly rubbed against his prostate. Donghae always knew how to position himself. Hyukjae’s dick twitched and jerked on its own - Donghae’s hands were holding Hyukjae’s thighs, that trembled and quivered, open - and more precum dribbled from the slit and pooled in his navel.
Donghae’s eyes were closed, he was sweating, skin golden in their shadowy bedroom. His hair was soft as it fell into Hyukjae’s face, he could feel Donghae’s breath soft on his face too. Donghae’s lips were parted and were pressed to Hyukjae’s throat. Donghae’s could almost feel the blood rushing around his brother’s body.
“I love you.” Donghae repeated over and over with each thrust in, encouraging Hyukjae to say it back breathlessly each time he drew back or pulled out completely.
Hyukjae brought his legs down from Donghae’s shoulders to wrap around his waist instead. His arms wrapped around Donghae’s torso. He liked to feel close to Donghae, liked to feel Donghae’s weight over him, heat above him, pressing down on him. He was never happier when they were like this; like one.
But, on Hyukjae’s closed eyelids, he saw Sungmin, licking her ice cream, her pink lips moving as she talked about a beach and shells. He saw the flash of Kyuhyun’s skin when he raised his arms to stretch and lean forwards. He saw the way Tiffany raised her eyebrows at him, the bloodied feathers from the dead bird. He saw Jongwoon’s face.

Donghae moaned, Hyukjae had clenched hard around him when he was trying to shut his thoughts out. Donghae’s hairline was drenched in sweat. He buried his head in Hyukjae’s shoulder and bit into Hyukjae’s soft flesh as he came making Hyukjae yelp. Hyukjae felt his brother’s hot release inside of him and whimpered again.
Donghae crumped beside Hyukjae. He was breathing deep, he reached down lazily to touch Hyukjae, to finish him too. It felt mechanical and wrong. Hyukjae let out a strangled cry, he reached down to stop Donghae but Donghae’s free hand held his again and he kissed Hyukjae, tongues dancing again. Soothing. Jongwoon’s face was replaced by flashing lights on the insides of his eyelids.
He crumpled beside Donghae too. The pair of them lay panting until they both slept.

----

Donghae knew that Hyukjae’s hadn’t really enjoyed the sex. What was Donghae to do? He cared for him and loved him but suddenly, it seemed like it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t reverse time and erase all the bad things that had happened to them. He couldn’t heal Hyukjae’s wounds but he could soothe them. Donghae was beginning to wonder whether Hyukjae was changing. Maybe Hyukjae didn’t want him any more.
He shuddered at the thought. He had always known that anything could happen and they could deal with it as long as they stayed together. And if Hyukjae didn’t want them to be together any more, Donghae wouldn’t know what to do.

Hyukjae lay asleep when Donghae left. It was better if Donghae did this alone. On the TV earlier, he had watched the news like he did every day. It was good to see that Hyukjae was acting almost normal again but Donghae couldn’t. He had to check the news at least twice a day to be sure that they were safe. But it wasn’t the news that had worried him today; the weather had forecast rain that night. Rain made the earth unsettled, made it sink or wash away. He had been sure that he had buried Jongwoon deep enough but could he really be certain?
The drive seemed longer now he was alone. He had the radio but he had never really cared for music. He imagined the earth being beaten down by heavy rain and Jongwoon’s disfigured corpse being submerged like a sunken ship. He was being crazy, he knew he was. Jongwoon was beyond unidentifiable but he had to go up into the mountains, to check for himself for his own peace of mind if nothing else.

It had started to rain by the time he had got there, it had hammered down on the roof of the car so that the radio became inaudible and lashed against the windscreen. The rain soaked through Donghae’s t shirt the second he got out of the car, flattening his hair to his head but it almost didn’t matter.
He walked to where they had buried Jongwoon, mud underfoot made him slide a little and he had to hold onto trees, wet moss catching under his fingernails, to stay upright.
It wasn’t the top of the mountain Donghae had chosen but far enough up. There were many walkers that would be around but not many ventured into the thick trees in case they got lost. They had camped here when they were young with their cousins. Donghae remembered waking in the middle of the night, needing to pee. He woke Hyukjae, not wanting to go outside into the dark alone.
The moonlight shone down on the two boys as they held hands and went into the trees together. Hyukjae said he’d keep watch. Donghae remembered pulling his underpants down and revealing his dick standing out proud from his body. Hyukjae looked too because by this time, although it was normal for them to see each other naked, they had become curious. Both were aware that if they touched the other in the right place, applied pressure to the right areas or rubbed slowly that it felt good.
Donghae remembered blushing. He told Hyukjae that it happened a lot lately and he couldn’t stop it. He didn’t want to tell a grown up but he had been wondering whether he was sick or not. Hyukjae had shook his head and confided that it happened to him sometimes too. He’d wake up in the morning and couldn’t make it go down again. Donghae suggested that maybe it happened because they were twins.
Hyukjae frowned and shook his head. “One night I went downstairs for water,” he said quietly, his voice hushed but not a whisper, “and I saw mummy and daddy...” he hesitated as if he were thinking, his large, dark eyes fixed on Donghae’s erection, moonlight reflected in them. Suddenly, Hyukjae sank to his knees before his twin, the grass, leaves and twigs crackled under Hyukjae’s weight like a campfire.
“Daddy was all hard too. I saw mummy doing this to daddy.”
His small mouth enveloped Donghae’s cock and Donghae gasped. It sounded loud in the emptiness of the clearing. He remembered Hyukjae’s head bobbing back and forth, sucking on him. Hyukjae slurped a little, his warm tongue on the underside of Donghae’s dick made his legs tremble so he had to lean back on a tree so he didn’t fall. Donghae had been hard but he hadn’t came; neither of them were developed enough for that yet, they still had no pubic hair and and their balls hadn’t dropped either.
When Hyukjae pulled away, his erection went down. He was panting and his body erupted in goose-pimples at the sudden cold.
“Was it good?” Hyukjae asked, a little breathless. Donghae nodded, eyes wide with wonderment. He reached for his twin, wanting Hyukjae to experience just how good it was too but they heard a noise. Donghae hastily pulled his briefs up and Hyukjae stood up craning to see what the noise was.
“What are you two doing?”
It was their cousin Heechul. He had a torch, he shone it in both of their faces so they squinted.
“I had to pee.” Donghae said quickly.
Heechul nodded, large marble like eyes fixed on the older twin. “All right. But don’t go out of the tent at night without telling me, okay?”
The twins nodded and followed Heechul back to the tent.

He stood in the exact same clearing now, his hands clinging to the tree he had clung to over a decade before where he’d experienced his first blow job. He wondered whether Hyukjae remembered it too.
He could see the fresh earth where Jongwoon was buried. When their parents died, he remembered that they had no headstone until spring. He cried a lot because he didn’t like the idea that they were both lying under the ground amongst other people in the cemetery who all had beautiful headstones and his parents were unrecognised. It was because the grass needed to grow and that couldn’t happen until the earth settled which would take up to six months.
It was summer now so the ground wouldn’t settle until winter. Donghae was unsure whether grass would grow straight away or not.
It was hard to do anything in such torrential rain but he managed to pile more soil on top of the makeshift grave. He had bought a bag of it at the garden centre that afternoon and slung it in the back of his car with the shovel.
“Perfect weather for gardening,” the girl at the counter (whose name tag read Sandara) had said to Donghae. Donghae smiled at her. She was pretty.
“Yes.” He replied, “perfect weather.” His hand had caressed hers when she handed him his change. She had blushed profusely. He had always had that effect on people; while he didn’t particularly like people, he wasn’t shy or awkward like Hyukjae.

He had considered digging up the grave completely and burying Jongwoon deeper but as thunder rumbled overhead, Donghae patted the remaining soil on the top of the grave like a child does with wet sand in a bucket when they’re ready to overturn it and make a sandcastle.
Lightning lit the clearing up a brilliant white and Donghae swore he saw another person standing across from him where Heechul had been all those years ago. Watching. He still wondered whether Heechul had seen them; Hyukjae on his knees before him gagging and slurping on his twin brother’s prepubescent hard on.
It wasn’t a person. Just a tree but it was enough to make Donghae decide that he had done all he could do for now and leave. He would go back tomorrow or the next day; he told Hyukjae that it was over and that things were normal again and yet they both knew it was a lie. But as long as Donghae could protect Hyukjae, maybe that was enough.