(no subject)
i still can t beleive that ive gone from the kid who played D&d by himself to a favored member of an organization. Where did i change. I know my older sister was supposedly a social outcast until high school where she bonded with the druggie/weirdos. Same with little sister in middle school. outcast->popular within that weirdo/artsy/slacker group. im just later bloomer than sisters. the question i continually asked early freshman year was "do i have friends?" becuase i was confused on what it meant to be a friend. i still am in some ways, but generally i feel i try and help my friends with whatever problems are easily resolved or just go with massage and physical comfor tof hugs. normally i can not understand any social signals. bad at cues, mainly have to be conditioned. but then i reason out some complicated amount of social complexity that turns our true. social law is still my major problem with things. which is why i normally emerse myself within it at points, so i can gian a better understanding. but someimes i just want to float or drown in the sea of consciousness around me, the tohughts flying\this way or that, and sometimes i just want to lose myself in it, and take self analysing mind out of it. listen to the rant. need to go learn. or masturbate myself so i have enough focusin energy instead of this horny energy. please please please can i touch your mind and masage your scalp and pineal gland so that your mind/body and mind body can be at peace. and so i can molest your dualist interactions.