(no subject)
each morning i wake up and count down the days to his arrival. i started the day november ended and december began. the trick is to remember not to count the day that you're on or the day of his arrival so that way it seems like it's closer than it really is. today is december 12th, so he'll be home in 8 days. there'll be times in school when i pull out the calendar on my phone just so i can recount the days knowing that nothing changed since that morning. it's still the same amount of days left. but either way it keeps me motivated and excited. i talked to him today. he called me at work. once again i dropped everything that i was doing, which meant risking getting fired just to talk to him. now that i look back at the past 3 months i'm amazed that i have somehow surrvived all this time. 3 months ago i thought i'd never be able to get through this but here i am still alive.
i've missed you so much you have no idea. i have spent every waking hour thinking about you. i guess i'm most nervous about seeing you after not seeing you for so long. i'm worried that you've changed into someone i won't like, into someone that isn't rob. that's my biggest fear. my second fear is that the 2 weeks you'll be home will pass by way too quickly and before i know it you'll be gone again, and this time for much longer than just 3 months. my 3rd fear is facing reality that things aren't what they use to be. it's not just anna and rob anymore. things are different. we're not kids anymore. look at you, you've already started your career, you're future is happening as i write, each day brings you closer to somewhere else where i'm not. and now i'm sad that i'm thinking about the truth. these 2 weeks that you'll be home will be the last two real weeks spent of the last 2 years that we've been together. my god, how i wish it wasn't true. but it is. and then what? what the fuck do you do after you leave? how do you go about accepting that? and the thing that sucks most of all is that neither of us wants it to end at all. i mean, i certainly don't. i wish i could go with you. i wish you could take me with you. we don't even have an ending where it'll be easy to move on cuz i know everyday after that i'll be thinking of how things would have been if you hadn't left. how we would have still been together like always before. it's not us who wants to end it, it's circumstance. this is when i get angry because it's not in our control. it's in life's control. but can you really blame life? no you can't. that's a pathetic excuse.
"Oh lets go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails. Heads on a silence apart. Nobody said it was easy. Oh it's such a shame for us to part. No one ever said that it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start. I was just guessing at numbers and figures. Pulling your puzzles apart."
honey you are a rock upon which i stand...without you what am i left with?..............nothing...
i've missed you so much you have no idea. i have spent every waking hour thinking about you. i guess i'm most nervous about seeing you after not seeing you for so long. i'm worried that you've changed into someone i won't like, into someone that isn't rob. that's my biggest fear. my second fear is that the 2 weeks you'll be home will pass by way too quickly and before i know it you'll be gone again, and this time for much longer than just 3 months. my 3rd fear is facing reality that things aren't what they use to be. it's not just anna and rob anymore. things are different. we're not kids anymore. look at you, you've already started your career, you're future is happening as i write, each day brings you closer to somewhere else where i'm not. and now i'm sad that i'm thinking about the truth. these 2 weeks that you'll be home will be the last two real weeks spent of the last 2 years that we've been together. my god, how i wish it wasn't true. but it is. and then what? what the fuck do you do after you leave? how do you go about accepting that? and the thing that sucks most of all is that neither of us wants it to end at all. i mean, i certainly don't. i wish i could go with you. i wish you could take me with you. we don't even have an ending where it'll be easy to move on cuz i know everyday after that i'll be thinking of how things would have been if you hadn't left. how we would have still been together like always before. it's not us who wants to end it, it's circumstance. this is when i get angry because it's not in our control. it's in life's control. but can you really blame life? no you can't. that's a pathetic excuse.
"Oh lets go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails. Heads on a silence apart. Nobody said it was easy. Oh it's such a shame for us to part. No one ever said that it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start. I was just guessing at numbers and figures. Pulling your puzzles apart."
honey you are a rock upon which i stand...without you what am i left with?..............nothing...