you were born to make me fight.
every night before i go to bed i pray for better days. i pray for you (to be here with me). i pray that one day we can work up the nerve to say something to each other-instead of acting like we're five years old. i don't remember what its like to love. i feel like a newborn child. i fail at things to just say "i'm failing". everybody knows i'm better than this. this blank page. this open screen. your IM in front of me, my fingers waiting for the go ahead from my brain. the idea of us is perfect. nothing can be that simple. (i cannot be that simple). i sit on the couch to understand myself. nothing hes saying is new to me. "that doesn't make sense, emily." you act as if i haven't figured this out already. "whats so akward about that, emily." i just hate the way people say my name. i wish i was a different person.
sometimes when i pass you with them in the hall i wonder what it would be like if we passed them in the hall. if we were together. if we still talked. if you didn't occupy my mind. if you didn't look away when i looked at you. if you weren't full of shame, like you say. or is this all just a show. everybody i know pretends to be somebody they're not to impress somebody they shouldn't. and the person they want to impress is just pretending themselves. we take two pills. we take two puffs. we take two sips. anything to get our mind off of things. anything to do something stupid so our name gets tossed around. we hate the way they say our name.
and none of this makes sense to anybody. nobody knows who i'm talking about. nobody knows exactly how i feel when i go through these things. these "stages". these parts-of-life. i look at you and wonder if you know what you mean to her. i look at myself and hope, pray, that one day i'll mean the same thing to somebody. i should know better. i've always felt like i'm being tested, but i never am good enough. i never do good enough. i wake up every morning and say "just one more day, emily." i'm the only one who can say my name the right way. and when i talk about him people like that i'm just making it up. how could you really know somebody you don't know? you ask yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror. we've all changed. and i don't mean that in any sort of good way. i need to get off the streets. i need to realize what my life is about. but thats too much for somebody my age. i feel much older than i should.
the way i feel about you is the way i feel when a band i love for years becomes famous. when their song is on the radio, tv commericals, and their pictures grace the covers of magazines. "sold out" isn't the right word, but its the first word that comes to mind.
sometimes when i pass you with them in the hall i wonder what it would be like if we passed them in the hall. if we were together. if we still talked. if you didn't occupy my mind. if you didn't look away when i looked at you. if you weren't full of shame, like you say. or is this all just a show. everybody i know pretends to be somebody they're not to impress somebody they shouldn't. and the person they want to impress is just pretending themselves. we take two pills. we take two puffs. we take two sips. anything to get our mind off of things. anything to do something stupid so our name gets tossed around. we hate the way they say our name.
and none of this makes sense to anybody. nobody knows who i'm talking about. nobody knows exactly how i feel when i go through these things. these "stages". these parts-of-life. i look at you and wonder if you know what you mean to her. i look at myself and hope, pray, that one day i'll mean the same thing to somebody. i should know better. i've always felt like i'm being tested, but i never am good enough. i never do good enough. i wake up every morning and say "just one more day, emily." i'm the only one who can say my name the right way. and when i talk about him people like that i'm just making it up. how could you really know somebody you don't know? you ask yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror. we've all changed. and i don't mean that in any sort of good way. i need to get off the streets. i need to realize what my life is about. but thats too much for somebody my age. i feel much older than i should.
the way i feel about you is the way i feel when a band i love for years becomes famous. when their song is on the radio, tv commericals, and their pictures grace the covers of magazines. "sold out" isn't the right word, but its the first word that comes to mind.