Grrr
Max Is an annngry elf.
Been pissy lately, not jst at nite wen i have the excuse of bein tired, but all the time. Of course it's worse at night. but after tonight, I'd like to take this chance to enlighten you all on something about me.
In conversations where my opinion differs from the other I'd like to think I at least respect a person's right to have an opinion. And Vocabulary wise i'm quite keen, but alas, when it comes to articulation in a conversation i usually crash and burn! What I mean is that I know what i intend to say, but when the time comes, I FUCKING FORGET... It's just gone! POOF! HEY PRESTO! I have no reply. Also, I am not an improvisor ,I am terrible on my feet, and sudden changes put me off. hence, when i am in a conversation, I'm the losing team because I can't freaking say anything. Maybe if you gave me five minutes to write it down... lol. Now this gets frustrating but I do all I can to not take it out on the second party BUT the worst part is when the conversation is nothing but throwing facts at eachother. I know a fair bit, but when on my toes... it's all gone. Lost like a handful of sand in a very large pond. You'll be very lucky to get it back. So, respecting the other's opinion, I find it's time to bring it to a close, especially when neither party can really prove they're right! Oh, but there's one little catch. Party number two isn't ready to stop, party number two wants to PROVE they're right or won't stop till I have blatantly said, FINE YOU WIN! People, it's time you learnt the most important thing you will ever learn about me! If I Say "let's just agree to disagree" (or along those lines) it's time to say, alright ,yup, my opinions are my opinions, but time is up! oh well! You see, Continuing will land you in my bad books. If there is anything my mother has passed down to me (actually, im pretty much a male version of her) it's my ability to hold a grudge. Yes I forgive easily, but I never forget so I don't really honestly forgive because even if I don't remember why, I will have something against you, very little can be done to change that. So understand, I respect your right to hold your own belief, in whatever context, but inability to articulate makes conversation difficult (think of me as some sort of cripple, jks). So respect the fact that, Hey! max has listened, with an unreasonable amount of effort considering the small amount he said, he still listened and replied. Both beliefs have been made aware of and Max says LETS MOVE ON! i suggest you do (Btw, its like almost one in the morning, so i mite repeat/make mistakes/forget stuff. also my net keeps crappin out so lj does weeeeird things). Another thing, I will use a conversation from tonight as an example, here's something I can't really help. I am simply born this way, but I don't like being told I'm wrong, i don't mind disagreements but when told I'm wrong... well i just don't like it, i get defensive and touchy. Hey, story of my life. Tonight, friend sent me a poem about depression, which mentioned how noone understands. I said that some people do understand, not everyone, I should have reinforced with very few, but still there are people who understand it and can help. I am not one of those people. So I'm a little (very) irked about once again bein told I'm wrong so I say "wateva, not in the mood for an argument" and though it was most obviously not an argument and not likely to become one the message is very clear "alright, i cant be bothered to go on becuz u will neva let me say this becuz u MUST be rite so nuthin i can say will make a difference, nuthin i say eva makes a difference, peepl only listen wen they wanna and now is not one of those time!" or at least that' smy thought process at the time (which frankly, i still agree with). Back on track, doesn’t seem to get the message and replies to it with a "dnt call it an argument or it will become one" and seriously, i don't care. I.E. leave me be! Now He’s bein completely reasonable and I feel like a total tool but when I’m in this mood it just feels patronizing (even though it isn’t really, well understand that!). well my temperment was volatile at best and I told him "wateva ^again?^ dnt give a flying fuk!". You know, just reinforcing the fact that HEY, im NOT in the mood! lol Now I know that when I attempted to end the topic, a rather tactless "wateva" isn't all that intelligent but hey(and second time dnt give a fuk is even less so), it's obvious! Bringing back that when I tell you, enuf ,i reelly meen ENUF! He told me I do that alot, swear when he states something, and I really Dont think i do! hell, he'll prove me wrong, he'll have documented proof and Max will once more look the idiot. That seems to be all people are interested in doing lately, making me feel belittled and inferior! Well it does wonders for stressed nerves! It's like wrapping a rubberband around a freaking elephants foot. By the way, yes I do swear when I'm angry, but I don't swear AT the person, I might swear about them but not at them. So about his previous “u swear” statement, I’m hoping there is no more than one other time where I have lashed out like that! Mainly cause I don't wanna have anger management issues or been seen as such! (yay, im scaring them all away one by one, before to long I'll be completely alone... at least my dog loves me... aww but she doesn't have too long left). I guess the reason I'm posting this is I have spent so long being respectful towards others, and not only that respect not being returned but them being rude, inconsiderate or offensive! I'm at my wits end, one more tug and I will COMPLETELY unravel. ^If you're not trying to scare them off.... you're doing a bang-up job!!!^ "SHUT UP I HATE YOU!"
I make no apologies for my mood but i do apologize for the deplorable state my writing is in... DISGUSTING! ^this post is rediculous, u shood make it a private post!^ "SHUT UP!"