decision fatitgue
It's a thing, you know. There are studies about it.
Since I've decided I'm getting up every day at six, no matter what, I feel so much better. I have time to meditate, to write a little, to check my mails, read news and blogs and whatnot, tick some things off my to-do list so I won't have to stress about all that later in the day. When I get home from work I do a little exercise, shower, eat dinner, read for a bit, bed. No tv, which is being heavenly. Who knew that I didn't actually need to watch a few episodes of whatever tv show I'm addicted to *every day*? Now I'm actually looking forward to my reading time.
Yesterday S. and I went out for a glass of wine (it's astonishing the things you have time for when you're not glued to your computer screen) and we ended up having a fight, all because I dared to suggest he should maybe incorporate some simple routines into his life. He has absolutely none. Every day he gets up at a different time, depending on when he went to bed, which is also different every day, depending on whether he's working until 3 in the morning, watching shows until 3 in the morning, practising guitar, or falling into bed at 10 claiming he's exhausted and then getting up swearing at the world because he can't sleep, later realizing he forgot to eat. He doesn't have a regular time for meals either, or for getting to work or getting away from work, for practising guitar, for anything. He's started to go a yoga class and he loves it, but sometimes he'll go at 8, sometimes he'll go at 10, and then he'll come back and wolf down whatever at eleven.
So, I told him about decision fatigue. That even if he believes his lifestyle is very free and laid back, you know, going with the flow, deciding on the spur of the moment if he wants to work or watch a movie, it is in fact more stress inducing, because every day he has to decide everything. I tried to explain that if some simple decisions are already made: get up, go to bed, meal-times, guitar practice, exercise, it frees up mental energy to focus on other things. He accused me of wanting to "convert" him, and complained that instead of "lecturing" him I should support him more, be more interested in what he does instead of trying to change him.
The thing is, I've seen this before. He gets into a spiral of sleepless nights, too much work, then too much tv to "relax" and ends up hating everything and everyone. And yes, demanding my support because he has it really rough and work is hell and everyone is incompetent except him and life is just so terribly unfair. And can't I be a nice girlfriend and smile and be gentle and have lots of sex because isn't that what happens when you're in a couple? Shouldn't being in a couple assure you sex whenever you need it and someone who hates everyone you hate too?
I'm living with my mother. Again. Well, except for the sex part.
Since I've decided I'm getting up every day at six, no matter what, I feel so much better. I have time to meditate, to write a little, to check my mails, read news and blogs and whatnot, tick some things off my to-do list so I won't have to stress about all that later in the day. When I get home from work I do a little exercise, shower, eat dinner, read for a bit, bed. No tv, which is being heavenly. Who knew that I didn't actually need to watch a few episodes of whatever tv show I'm addicted to *every day*? Now I'm actually looking forward to my reading time.
Yesterday S. and I went out for a glass of wine (it's astonishing the things you have time for when you're not glued to your computer screen) and we ended up having a fight, all because I dared to suggest he should maybe incorporate some simple routines into his life. He has absolutely none. Every day he gets up at a different time, depending on when he went to bed, which is also different every day, depending on whether he's working until 3 in the morning, watching shows until 3 in the morning, practising guitar, or falling into bed at 10 claiming he's exhausted and then getting up swearing at the world because he can't sleep, later realizing he forgot to eat. He doesn't have a regular time for meals either, or for getting to work or getting away from work, for practising guitar, for anything. He's started to go a yoga class and he loves it, but sometimes he'll go at 8, sometimes he'll go at 10, and then he'll come back and wolf down whatever at eleven.
So, I told him about decision fatigue. That even if he believes his lifestyle is very free and laid back, you know, going with the flow, deciding on the spur of the moment if he wants to work or watch a movie, it is in fact more stress inducing, because every day he has to decide everything. I tried to explain that if some simple decisions are already made: get up, go to bed, meal-times, guitar practice, exercise, it frees up mental energy to focus on other things. He accused me of wanting to "convert" him, and complained that instead of "lecturing" him I should support him more, be more interested in what he does instead of trying to change him.
The thing is, I've seen this before. He gets into a spiral of sleepless nights, too much work, then too much tv to "relax" and ends up hating everything and everyone. And yes, demanding my support because he has it really rough and work is hell and everyone is incompetent except him and life is just so terribly unfair. And can't I be a nice girlfriend and smile and be gentle and have lots of sex because isn't that what happens when you're in a couple? Shouldn't being in a couple assure you sex whenever you need it and someone who hates everyone you hate too?
I'm living with my mother. Again. Well, except for the sex part.